Emily Burnham: Light in the World

5 December - 11 December 2022

Wow, what a week to write about! Both completely inspiring and spiritual and motivating, and also a bit sad and devastating. On Monday, I went the the Smith's house to do homework in the afternoon after work. I got a good chunk of my video watched, which was slightly more painful than I was expecting because I did not do as good as I imagined I did. I ramble waayyyy too much. But oh well. It was very informative and I will only get better with practice and observation. I'm on the right track, and I'm excited to start my internship and gain even more knowledge. Yes, it'll be difficult, but so so rewarding. I am confident that God will help lead and guide me to know which practices to use with which clients. He will help inspire me to say the right things, and it won't be for my own glory, but to help and serve His children the best I can. Helping them heal and be able to move forward and come unto Him one day. That evening for FHE, our YSA ward went to down town Gilbert and explored the shops and visited the giving machine. Jasen also showed us his super cool laser and we popped balloons with it!

On Tuesday, I went to get finger-printed after work. Guess I can't commit any crimes now ;). I just need to get my CPR training and then I'll be good to work with children/minors during my internship. On Wednesday, I had work, school in my room, and practiced piano at the Smith's house. I really wanted to convince Jasen to sing a duet in church, and we sounded pretty good practicing, but I doubt it'll happen. Oh well. Then I had to leave to go practice at the stake center for the musical number on the 18th. I'm not the most excited about it, but I've changed my focus to be about bearing testimony and bringing the Spirit into the meeting rather than on how we are going to sound.

Thursday at work, I finished up some things for my internship website bio. I went to institute that evening and LOVED it! We talked about so many good things that just kept hitting home for me. Christ's definition of peace is fundamentally different than the world's definition of peace. It is eternal, internal, fulfilling, all-encompassing, and hopeful. It is NOT the absence of pain or hardship or worry. It is not temporary or shallow or fake. It has little to do with our circumstances and everything to do with our focus on Christ and our commitment to keeping our covenants. We also discussed how the best way to gather Israel right now is to remain steady in the church. More and more people at large are falling away from religion and Christianity, and the day will come when they will be starving for Christ, hungering and thirsting after Him. We will be ready in a position to teach and draw them in, feeding their souls. Plus, I love going to institute for the snacks!! I LOVE that they have allergy-friendly options. It makes me feel so loved and included and special!

Friday night, I decided to do something special for Val because I knew she was having a rough week feeling lonely and like she didn't have friends. She'd invited a bunch of people to a girl's night and no one could come! So she was feeling bummed out. I texted Lucy and we made an epic plan. I cut out hearts, and Lucy set up mom and dad's room into a soothing environment. We tricked Valerie into coming over and then I surprised her with a massage. While I was massaging her, Lucy snuck over and heart-attacked her door and left her a cute note. She was SO touched by everything, and even got teary-eyed after reading the note. I'm so grateful I followed the prompting of the Spirit and was able to help remind her of how loved and important she is.

Some other highlights of the week include finishing my last paper/assignment of the quarter! Woot woot! SO ready for Christmas break and the ability to focus on other things. I went to the temple Saturday morning and was SO peaceful and happy. I couldn't keep a smile off my face. I was filled with such gratitude and calmness and awareness of my surroundings. It was such a beautiful day. We had the missionaries over for dinner, and afterwards, I went to Rosie's treat swap event and ate too much sugar... yikes. Especially since I'm supposed to be on a 40 day fast from sugar... :(. Sunday was good, too. We had great talks in sacrament meeting that brought the Spirit. I wrote six nice-notes during Relief Society, which I was happy about because it felt good to make others happy. I went to ward choir, and then went home and filmed some videos for my YouTube channel. I only had to do about 20 takes!!! I don't even think I'm exaggerating. It's so hard to get it acceptable in one take (it's never gonna be perfect, you can forget about that!). We had Aaron and Briesa over for dinner for pizzas (mine wasn't as good as usual because we didn't have any yellow cheese!). I got to see and hold baby Gracelyn, which is always a highlight. I even got to watch her a couple of times this week. One of the times, mom dropped her in my room on my bed to watch for a bit and I got the cutest selfies of us. I just love how happy and smiley she has been lately!

Come, Follow Me study group was good. almost everyone brought treats to share and there was more than enough. We had some great insights and discussion going on. So now you're probably wondering exactly what made my week so sad, am I right? Well, endings are hard for me, and it's never fun to get your hopes or expectations dashed. There were signs earlier than Sunday that a guy I liked wasn't interested in being close friends or anything more than passive friends, but that was the night it finally clicked. Our relationship will not be anything more than acquaintance friends. It was starting to go somewhere and was fun, but by the time I realized that I did really like him, he had stopped texting me back as much and no longer seemed excited and interested. Anyways, I'm not going to go into all the things, but all I can say is that crushes start out kinda fun but always end in one way--with you being crushed. But no more giving into my anxiety or trying to force something that isn't going to happen. It's time to let go and fully trust in the Lord and His timing. I am truly coming so close to Him and am learning to see and trust Him in unique and special ways. So, I've been feeling a sense of sadness and mourning over a lost close friendship and the absence of potential, but I am also filled with determination to be extra kind and friendly to all those around me who may be in need of friendship. I'm going to be even more loving and not feed my anxious thoughts and try not to act on them anymore. I'll be okay. It just hurts. I can't even imagine how much a real breakup would hurt, but I think any kind of ending hurts and is valid, not just the ending of a romantic relationship. But I'm just glad for my Savior. His support, and Him sending me angels on earth to talk with and to be comforted by. Charly and Brittany made a special effort to sit by me at church, choir, and CFM (haha, the three Cs). It was so sweet and needed.

These clouds looked like waves in the sky! So so cool! It was just a moment where I felt the goodness of God. He created such a beautiful earth, and I'm so grateful for nature we get to enjoy.