31 July - 6 August 2023
Monday night, I attended our stake devotional and got to sit by Kimberly. It was really good, and I loved that they used a lot of really helpful analogies explaining pornography that I will need to keep in mind for future clients I meet with. They also testified about the sacred nature of sex and how that topic isn't discussed that way in church. On Tuesday, I worked and went to volleyball that evening. I carpooled with Abbie from my ward, taking her with me. On the drive home, one of my tires started coming apart!! But fortunately I made it home in one piece and was able to get them replaced at Discount Tires the next day. Phew. But after dropping Abbie off at home, we actually sat in my car talking for an hour and it was such a blessing, exactly what I needed. She was such a great listener and I was able to share some things I'd been struggling with and hadn't been able to verbalize about my feelings and crush, and I was actually able to come to some closure just by talking out and exploring my feelings, and it was absolutely incredible and I'm so grateful. I realized that while God had sent me a confirmation of my choice of a partner, that doesn't mean it's a confirmation that it will happen because they also have to choose you as their partner and receive their own confirmation. I realized I'd been holding on to that piece of revelation as a matter of timing and was trying to keep a door open, but really, that was God confirming my choice, but respecting his choice, and since he didn't choose me, that door is closed. And I needed that visual on the door in the back of my brain shutting closed, and it has been exactly the closure I need, filling me with peace and assurance. Like I mentioned before, I got new tires on Wednesday, then met with some clients that evening, and afterward, I was overwhelmed with this sense of sacredness and gratitude for my profession, that I am able to be in the position to do what I do, to dig into people's personal vulnerabilities and emotions and be trusted with them, to reassure and comfort and push and poke and help bring about change. It's such a sacred honor to help confront in a safe environment (that maybe doesn't always feel so safe when I'm poking at the emotions) and help them realize false beliefs. I pushed really hard during the session Wednesday night and the mom straight up got up and left for 5 to 10 minutes because she couldn't handle it, and the kids were all emotional, with the youngest two crying. I got to gently talk with them about their emotions and reframe the sadness and fear into signs of strength and love, and it was absolutely incredible. Such a sacred experience to be entrusted with raw emotions and to be a safe person to help them navigate through. Thursday night, I attended the ward temple trip to do baptisms, and it was the best experience of doing baptisms that I've ever had! I felt way less self-conscious in the baptism underwear and suits, much more covered and secure, and then the guy in the ward who baptized me was strong and made it so I didn't have to help push myself up or anything. I could trust him to dip me down and bring me back up without any help or feelings of self-consciousness. It was the most comfortable I've ever been doing baptisms, and I had an enjoyable time sitting with ward members and chatting. It was awesome! On Friday night, I went to my friend Brittany's birthday party. She is so thoughtful because she made sure to buy gluten-free cookies so I could eat too and not feel left out! And not just one pack, but two different brands/packages of cookies. We played Liar's Die, the dice in the cup game, and I won the whole thing with three dice remaining! What was really cool was there was a girl there who came that wasn't a member and was a bit stand-offish at the beginning, but I was so welcoming and chill (I'd like to think so, anyway) that by the end of the night, we were vibing and getting along pretty great and it had become a really fun environment. On Saturday, I took my MFT practice exam and got a passing score, so now I'll be able to pass the quarter and graduate next quarter! It only took me five and a half hours. And while I'm relieved that it's over with, I still have the real exam I have to pass in my state to get licensed in five or six months, and I feel waayyyyy underprepared for that, so a lot of anxiety hit me in regards to how much I still need to learn and prepare. But I'll face it as it comes. I also got to see Baby Gracelyn quite a few times this week, and she is definitely growing into her own person with her own personality, and I absolutely love when she smiles at me! She doesn't smile much, but I can still coax one out with "Peek a Boo." Saturday night, I went to karaoke night and sang myself raw. I met a few new people, reconnected with some people I'd already met, and just chilled and relaxed and made it fun and didn't feel self-conscious. And I love feeling that way, comfortable in my own skin going wherever by myself or around others.
Much love,
Emily Burnham
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