Journal Catch Up

28 March - 22 June 2025

I realized just how terrible of a long-term memory I have! I worked as a temple worker at the Provo City Center Temple, but for the life of me, I cannot remember when or how long. It struck me the importance of this blog I keep: I will be able to go back through I remember when different things happened when my own memory is super faulty! I will really appreciate that I've kept track of things on a monthly (if not weekly like I used to) basis. So, I have a couple of months to play catch up on, but better late than never!

Starting in May, I was asked to come in extra early on my temple shift on Saturdays for three months so I could help with the patrons who are coming to the 6am endowment session or for patrons who come to do baptisms at 5:30am. I've been having to get up an hour earlier, and it's definitely started to take a tole on me, but only one more month left! So I'm hanging in there and working to remain positive. One cool thing that has come of it is that I am relying on the Lord more to sustain me, so I feel and witness more of his tender mercies. This past Saturday, I got to participate in two initiaries were sisters were getting their own endowments, and I got to anoint them. One of the sisters started tearing up and crying, which made me start to tear up too, and I was just flooded with God's love and with reverence as I saw how sacred and meaningful this was for her. I really needed that moment. And at the end of my shift, I was working the front desk, and the recorder started talking about the second coming and millium, and how it is closer than we think or realize, and it was just the reminder and refocus I needed. I feel like I put a lot of my life "on hold" and have a list of dreams that I'll "do later" when I'm older, more financially stable, married, smarter, more established, etc. But I realized that this may be one of Satan's tactics to keep me from doing more good than I am capable of, because "later" may not actually come. The second coming could happen before I'm married, before I'm old enough to be a senior missionary, etc, etc. So I want to be more intentional that I'm making the most use of my time right now and not just "getting by" while I "wait."

When I first got home from my trip to Korea, I felt amazing physically (gut health wise) but then I became lax and started eating whatever (still not gluten, but dairy and sugar) and wasn't careful to monitor. My stomach started hurting a lot, and I am still trying to note and keep track of things. I've noticed I do a lot better when I stay off of dairy and sugar. I've also been working out at the gym still, and trying to build up my arm muscles and stretch so I can do the splits. I'm making slow but steady progress there.

I've also been noticing a lot of growth in myself, especially in what we call "self of the therapist" in therapy. I've noticed some areas where I get anxious or self-conscious or worried and then overcompensate or make it about myself before I even realized it, and I was able to catch those moments and work through them without any prolonged spiraling into shame or beating up on myself or shutting down or blaming or anything like that! I was able to see things more clearly, process through it, figure out how I felt and how I wanted to feel, and then it didn't linger. I feel in a much better place and have felt so grateful that I can take feedback better without going to shame, because I realized that in my relationship with God, if I was too sensative and stressed if He gave me feedback of things to work on, then I wasn't able to hear as much as He wanted to tell me, because He'd then have to spend time comforting me and waiting for me to heart Him better, but I was too busy spiraling into self-shame. Now, I can notice things I should do better and not feel overwhelming shame or guilt that keeps me from being kind to myself in the process of improvement. I even had a quote come to mind this past week as I was thinking over my past struggles with impostor syndrome. The thought came to me, "Yes, anyone could do what you're doing... but they're not. You're the one putting in the time, the effort, and the sacrifice. If they want to do it too, let them, but that doesn't take away your right to also do it and it can't replace the unique things you have to offer." God has called us each to a work, and He needs us to be us. He needs me to be Emily, not some shrunken version of myself because I was given messages from others that certain parts of me were not appreciated or valued or liked.

I rebranded my Instagram! I also created a new logo, and it feels much more meaningful and congruent with my brand. It's a butterfly, which symbolizes evolving, transformation, and growth. And also height and elevation. But within the butterfly, there is a hidden "E" and "W" and "E" for "Elevate With Emily" (which is my brand name). I simplified and made it look more grounded and professional, and I am really trying to create a niche of religion, therapy, and K-dramas, though with time, I may just focus on fatih and religion. But for now, I'm working to combine three of my favorite things, passions, and hobbies. But I still want to be fully grounded in Jesus Christ and not be distracted or pulled in a million different directions. I hope to make an impact and influence for good, starting now! I want to start asking myself more frequently, "What do I really want right now?" As in, what can I do right now to lead me towards what I really want for my future instead of getting sucked into distracting things that are not contributing to my overall goals and the bigger picture. I was thinking how ever since learning about how the natural man is like our survival brain, everything else has been clicking so much clearer for me, including how to conceptualize EFT and where mindfulness fits into the picture and how change works. I keep thinking I need to make a journal/workbook with these lessons in there, so I want to prioritize that, and I also have thought about how my old dream of being an author is still there, but it got put on a "wait for the future when you're more popular or skilled" burner, and how I don't need to be any better than I am right now to create meaningful work. My little sister told me that the first book I ever wrote is one of her favorites and she brought it to college with her and rereads it frequently. So, I want to really prioritize my time to make steps in doing these things.

Today at church, I felt so blessed because I had the opportunity to minister to and share love with a girl in my ward who heard some challenging news with work and had something weighing on her heart that brought her to tears. I was honored for the opportunity to love and serve, to be God's hands. It feels amazing, my whole body thrums with lightness and fulfilling energy and purpose and my eyes tear up in gratitude as I think about how God is speaking to me and directing me and that I am useful and doing good. I still feel lonely from time to time, but I am continuing to keep connections and continue to grow and work towards the healthiest connection with myself that I can have and a stronger connection to God. It continues to strike me that this is all His work, and He has a plan for me, and I truly want all I do to glorify Him and to be done with an eye single to His glory.

Love,

Emily Burnham

Me still living the high from my South Korea trip, rocking the swag!

This mother of mine brings me laughs and joy! Love her silly and playful side:

Gracelyn really liked Hanna!

We found this Indian Buffet and LOVE it!

Tried making Kimbap... it turned out a bit dry, but was fun!

Easter egg coloring! I won "Overall Amazing" for one of my eggs I did! We got $5 prizes :)

My dressed matched the color and vibes of my Alchemy of Souls soundtrack, so I wanted to take a selfie and loved how cute it turned out!

This little one LOVES playdough! She's adorable, in case you couldn't tell ;)

Random reminder that I'm still putting out YouTube videos! This is a picture for a cover I took, but I don't know if I'll ever use it (I think I deleted and redid the video that this picture goes to).

Sean, mom, and me stopped for acai bowls on our way home from the gym. Mine came with SO many raspberries and was soooo delicious and definitely hit the spot!!

On June 8th, Aaron got into a wreck on his electric unicycle and called us to come over to help clean up his road rashes.

On June 14th, we went with Hanna to "The Street" in Mesa, where they have a Korean dessert shop, and we got Patbingsu, which is like snow/fluffy ice with red beans and condensed milk and fruit on top. Plus me and my mom got boba, which was so delicious! I had to take a picture by this because it said "Emily" lol.

I had updated headshots taken for work since I got my hair darkened. I didn't LOVE how they turned out, but you know what? I am just my harshest critic and plus, pictures can't capture your full essense, so whatever.

On June 21, my mom took me on a date to see The Scarlet Pimpernel. We went out to dinner at Zinburger and got icecream at Topo beforehand. It was a wonderful evening! The show I went to before with her at the Hale theatre was called "Kiss and Tell." I'd forgotten, so I guess I just want it in writing somewhere in case I forget and again and wanted to remember ;)

As a side note, it's been fun having Sean home. He moved back in with us a couple weeks ago, well technically with Grandpa, but he comes over to eat and chill. We watched the anime "Solo Leveling" together and I try to spend some quality time with him. We went to two FHEs together, one was a trivia night and the other was a stake swim night (where he actually jumped from a 16 foot platform and landed his flip wrong and had nasty red bruises on his side for a week). And he's a pretty good wingman for me, too!