Criminal in Class

19 October - 25 October 2020

Hey family! This last week was a bit much for me, but the good news is that I'm still alive to write about it. Haha, no, it wasn't all that bad; however, I was very overwhelmed and anxious throughout the week. I had a lot of big things ahead of me--a midterm, a research paper. Anyways, so most of my Monday was spent working on the introduction to a paper that was due by that evening, plus a billion other things. I was so stressed about getting everything done that on Sunday, I went to bed early and then got up early. I began working on homework at 7am and continued working on things up until 9pm. But don't worry, I did take about 2 hours of a break within that time frame to eat. To reward myself for surviving through the day, I too myself out to get Thai food for dinner. I went to bed before 10pm because I was so drained.

Well, then Tuesday morning came and I felt soooo sluggish. When you push yourself hard (mentally, in this case), your body needs a break. I wearily attended all four of my classes and tried to do what I could.

Wednesday was a bit better. Instead of going into the Harmen building to work, I stayed home because I needed to film myself for a work video about connecting with students as a TA during social distancing. I also met with students to talk over the study guide for the class I TA over. They were so appreciative! Well, since I had my midterm in class the next day, I devoted some time that evening to studying (even though I really didn't want to...). 

Thursdays are crazy busy. Fortunately today, my meditation class was cancelled because our teacher had to do something in Salt Lake. I took some of that time to take a nap and recover from the stress I'd been feeling. Also, to get myself through the week, I promised myself I could go out to dinner at the end of the week. That evening, I head to my Basic Mediation final, feeling alright about the upcoming final. Well, I guess I should more adequately describe my feelings as "resigned." I keep a big bag of clean masks in my backpack so I don't have to worry about remembering to grab a mask every time I leave the house. Well, I got to the building, reached into my backpack to grab a mask, and realized I'd ran out and hadn't refilled it! There was no way I was going all the way back home to grab a mask, especially since we were taking our final at the beginning of class and I didn't want to be late. So I walked into the building, kind of holding my jacket up to cover my face, and asked some of my classmates if they had an extra mask. They didn't, but one told me it would be fine if I just sat in the very back. So I sat more than 10 feet away from any of my other classmates, all the way in the back, without a mask. It was so nice to attend the 2.5 hour class without having to breathe through or talk through a mask, but as I looked around at everyone else in the class and saw that no one else was mask-free, I felt like a criminal, breaking the "Law of the Mask." It's so weird that wearing masks has become such a norm that I feel self-conscious without one because I worry I will get in trouble.

I spent the majority of Friday working on my Abnormal Psychology research paper that was due the next evening. It had been stressing me out, but I was able to get a lot done on it. On Saturday, I again worked on finishing up my essay and finished around one. I also had the opportunity to spend some time teaching my sister about Conflict Resolution skills (for one of my homework assignments). Then I asked Whitney if I could come over and teach her for about 20 minutes, so I got to do that. Then we went on campus to do homework together. At about 5pm, I left to go home so I could treat myself to dinner. I had been craving an In-and-Out burger all week (with Chick-fil-a fries), and when I arrived there, the line was so so so long! But I decided to stick it out to satisfy my craving. I waited in line for around 45 minutes. Was it worth it for one little burger? Who knows, but at least that craving is gone now. Then I drove to get the fries, and the line at Chick-fil-a was SO much shorter. By the time I got home, it was already 7:40pm. Whitney came over after 8pm so that we could watch "The Social Dilemma" and make the "BOO" banners that my mom sent to me. The movie was very dramatized, so it was hard to take some of it seriously, but it was fun making the banners. Very relaxing. Plus my new hot glue gun is pretty awesome. Also this week, my mom sent me a paper-slicer machine, without even telling me she was going to, which was such a lovely surprise. I have a great mama.

I woke up to snow on Sunday! First snow of the semester. I layered up to go to church and wore my boots. We were going to make it just on time to church, but as we were passing through the parking lot to go inside, there were three guys standing at the back of a car and saying, "If one person carries seven and the other two carry six, we can make it." I look back to see one of the guys piling a bunch of boxes of chili onto the other guy's open arms, going up to his chin. I realized what they meant, so I called out and asked if they needed help. I think they were surprised by my offer, but me and my roommate Mira headed towards them. We helped carry them and they were grateful. We got to church just before the opening song began, but I think the Lord blessed us with that opportunity to serve and didn't mind us being a few minutes late. It made my day so much happier. Also, for the first time, all my roommates attended the Zoom RS meeting (though some were late and/or had to leave early), but it felt very united, so I liked that.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

It's Fall, Y'all

 October 12 - October 18 2020

Monday: Nothing too crazy. I held office hours, spent a while grading papers, and doing homework. One blessing has been telling myself just to try. When I feel the pressure to have a "perfect" scripture study, I just tell myself that I am going to try to read them. I received so many insights this week about my calling and desires. 

Tuesday: It was nice to finally be able to attend classes again in person! I am not enjoying my meditation class as much anymore, but I am determined to try and enjoy it still. Although, I will admit that twice I've listened to an audio book with my blue tooth ear buds instead of meditating. I know, I need to repent. That evening, I stopped by the family that I used to babysit for to drop off the gift I made them months ago: block letters that said "Give Thanks." It was so good to get to see them again. Little Jack talks so much now! And he really wanted me to play with him down in the basement. It was good to know I am missed and loved by that cute kiddo. Also, since they were leaving out of town the next day for a couple of weeks, they gave me a bunch of food that would have perished--so that was super nice!

Wednesday: I went to the Health Center to check up with the doctor on how everything is going with my medication, and I finally feel like he has warmed up to me! And the nurse. They were so kind, concerned, and talkative! The nurse also slipped a flu shot into the visit, haha. Got love unexpected flu shots. But at least I got a Dum Dum Sucker on my way out :). I am really enjoying the beautiful leaves that are changing colors. There are trees with three to five different colored leaves, all in different stages of turning from green to brown. Fall truly is beautiful, though I think I still like Spring the best.

Thursday: Today was exceedingly long. Classes started and 8am and went on throughout the day, ending at 7:30pm. I should treat myself every Thursday night. During my 5 to 7:30pm class, I got to play the role of the mediator, where I help lead a Mediation between two arguing parties. They were fake scenarios, and two of my classmates had to act out their part. I thought I did pretty good, especially considering that we haven't gone over how to actually negotiate with two parties (which is pretty essential to a mediation...haha).

Friday: I had sooo much homework to do. I went to the HCEB to hold a test review for Behavioral Neurobiology. I then had the "Strengths Finder" meeting, where we met up and talked about our top five strengths. My number one strength was "Achiever," which means that I keep my word, I work hard until the job is done, and I do my best at it. One cool thing that I learned about myself from the activity was that I scored pretty high on the "Input" category, which basically means you are good at gathering information and sources, synthesizing them together, and then using that knowledge to help other people. I had no idea that this had a name! But it definitely fits me, and it's why I do so well with studying the gospel. I soak in as many insights as I can so I can help other people later. Same with my major. After that meeting, I had the privilege of chatting with one of my supervisors, Shelly. I got to show her different personal projects that I am working on. That afternoon/evening, I went with Whitney to the library to do some more homework. I also got a lot of chocolates from work to give to my friends.

Saturday: I took a test today. I went over to the HCEB. Fortunately the doors were unlocked! I studied and then took my exam. I worked on some other things for a bit before going home due to hunger. Then, I tried doing some more work. Around 3pm, I went with some friends to a pumpkin patch in Orem and we got some goofy photos! I was really appreciative of one of the guy friends in our group who was very kind to me.

Sunday: So, I wanted to look really cute today, but the time just flew by! I thought church was going back to starting at 10:30am, so Mira and I ran to church, just a couple minutes late. We were so confused because no one looked familiar. We peeked at the Bishopbric and they were not our Bishipbric! We realized church must still be at 11am, so we gratefully went home to eat breakfast, since we didn't have time to do so before. Haha, we were so embarrassed. But, I did look super cute today, so that's a bonus at least ;). I also got to chat with my mom over Facebook Messenger, and she stumbled across the effects and randomly turned herself into a dragon, followed by a bunch of other stuff!

Well, it's been a bit lonely lately, but I'm hanging in there, and I am so grateful for a Savior and Heavenly Father who are by my side. I loved reading this week in the scriptures about how Christ is our husband as church members because I remembered the role of a husband as defined in the Family Proclamation and within marriage classes I have taken, and it is to protect, preside, be there as an equal partner. Someone you can always confide in and love, and be loved in return. I've needed that closer connection to my Savior this week.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Full of Love

 5 October - 11 October 2020

Monday: Even though I felt sick, I realized I didn't have access to the reading I needed to do before midnight, so I headed to campus to do the reading. I stayed home for the rest of the day, finishing up school work. I had a work meeting at 4:30pm, and afterwards, I stayed on to chat with my fellow workers and listen in to the upcoming news of how BYU Campus will respond to covid. I mentioned how both of my roommates had covid, so I probably had it too. They asked if I had any symptoms, so I told them about having headaches and no appetite. I hadn't eaten much throughout the day, and everything I thought about eating made me feel like throwing up. Then everyone was so concerned that it made me feel loved! Shelly, one of my bosses, asked me what sounded good. I said maybe some crackers and broth. She went and bought me a smoothie and then crackers and soup that evening. My other supervisor, Erin, told me she was buying me lunch the next day. They all insisted that I couldn't pay them back. It was so sweet and made me so happy and grateful. I chose to ignore the feelings of guilt or of being a burden because everyone was so happy to serve me. Instead, I chose to focus on gratitude and love for having wonderful people in my life to help me.

Tuesday: I stayed home for classes and decided to go and get tested for Covid19 that morning during a gap in classes I had so I could know if I officially had Covid19 or not. It was not as pleasant as the last test I got. These people stuck the q-tip much higher up in my nostrils for seconds longer (and when you have something stuck up your nose to your eyeballs, seconds can feel like hours).

Wednesday: I worked from home for three hours in the morning. I had class and then homework. That evening, I participated in a social/service activity Zoom meeting. The service project they had us do was to write sticky notes and put them up around outside or in our house. Whoever wrote the most in 20 minutes would win a $10 gift card to the BYU Bookstore. Let's just say that was the easiest $10 I ever made ;). Haha, and my roommates sure appreciated the notes on their doors.

Thursday: I stayed home from all of my classes again since I have not yet received my Covid19 results. My last class of the day ended at 7:30pm, and I chatted with my friend Whitney for a bit on the phone. Then, I decided that I was too tired to do any more school work, but I could do something else that was useful. I bought a paper slicing machine, but I didn't like it and requested to return it. I tried to take the handle off the armed-blade, which was how it originally came, and in the process, I accidently grabbed onto the blade with my fist and cut open my pinky pretty bad. I felt like I was going to pass out. My sweet roommate Mattie helped me super glue it, got me some water, and helped me lay down on the couch. After a while, I started feeling a bit better (but my finger was throbbing so I had to cut open the band-aid to relieve the pressure. I'm grateful that it wasn't bad enough to need stitches.

Friday: I finally received my Covid19 results, and I tested negative! Again. So I'm just going to assume that I either had it and recovered before I got tested or I am immune to it. I went down to the library to do school work, and instead worked for over three hours at my TA job. Then I headed down to the creamery because my sister informed me that they were giving away free shirts there! So I got one ;). That afternoon, I finished up my homework that was due, and then I ended the night early because of a pounding headache. Medicine was no help. Even though I had more I could have done, I decided to take it easy, so I relaxed and watched Narnia.

Saturday: I went shopping in the morning. I haven't had much of an appetite this week, and nothing sounded good to eat. I decided that I was going to buy new foods that I didn't normally eat so that way I would actually eat. I stopped by Trader Joe's, Sprouts, and then Walmart. That afternoon, I spent time working on my Abnormal Psychology class, but after a while, I became so unproductive and tired of it, so I instead worked on grading papers. I also took a lengthy walk while listening to an audio book because I needed to get out of the house. The weather has been beautiful. Leaves are changing colors, and the air smells fresh and crisp. That evening, I watched the second Narnia, but wasn't as impressed with it. The amount of killing in it both surprised me and made me feel sick.

Sunday: This morning, I had a sacred moment in my room as I listened to a hymn and sang it. I felt God listening to me and I teared up as I felt connected to Him in a sacred moment. After church, Mattie and I wrote on some sticky notes and attached them to the door of one of the girls we minister to. Then I worked on editing some videos for The Missionary Approach YouTube channel. I had a great insight this week. It's been said so many times in various ways, but this week, I actually felt it. I felt the truth of it from the Spirit and from my Father in Heaven. The fact that I am trying to live righteously is enough. I don't have to gain extraordinary insights from conference and feel the Spirit strong every time I pray or read my scriptures in order to be on good terms with God or with myself. Instead, the fact that I even desire to do those righteous things, and desire to feel the Spirit strongly, is more than other people try, and God is pleased with my efforts. This has helped to relieve a lot of guilt and pressure from myself.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Return of the Rona

 28 September - 4 October 2020

Well, the most eventful thing that happened this week was that my two roommates tested positive for Covid19. So... back into quarantine I go, with a high chance of catching it too. Oh well, at least then I'd get it over with already. I haven't felt super sick yet, but I have felt more tired and have felt some minor symptoms--the most frequent of which is an annoying headache. Oh yeah, and I have no appetite. 

Since I've been isolated this week, I've taken to go on nature walks by myself outside (staying clear of others) and admiring the beauty around me. I've felt so much happier as I've taken time to appreciate the moment around me and to soak in the details of nature--the water droplets on the grass, the blooming flowers, the veins on leaves, or the height of some of the trees. I even found an acorn! I think it was the first acorn I've ever seen out in nature, still enclosed in its outer protective shell. Apparently they are toxic to humans, but you can de-toxify them and eat them (thanks for the info, Google). I'm adding that to my bucket list: eating an acorn dish.

I've also taken to sitting outside somewhere on campus where I am isolated but have access to campus WiFi. The wifi in the house is awful, especially now that my other roommates are home in quarantine and we are all trying to do classes. I will get kicked out of my Zoom classes, lose connection lots of times, and have the videos constantly freezing. So I found this perfect spot outside, on a hill near the tennis courts, where I can lean back on a rock that is completely flat on its back face. I bring a blanket to sit on. The only inconvenience is that my laptop doesn't hold a charge for longer than an hour and a half (and that's if I'm lucky) so I can't stay outside there for long before it dies.

I have also been working more hours. I have a LOT of grading to do this next week. I ordered a weighted blanket and paper slicer, so I'm looking forward to receiving those two things next week! 

I miss my social life. I miss you guys. Isolation is no fun--and it's not emotionally healthy (I would know; I'm a psych major) :). But conference did bring some comfort and inspiration. So many of the messages stood out to me regarding the pain and trial we must endure, but the joy and revelation that is coupled with it. To close, I want to share one insight I had while studying 3 Nephi 20 this morning. There was a reference in verse 40 about Christ being the publisher of salvation, and it reminded me how He is also referred to as the author and finisher of our faith. An author creates a world and characters. Christ created us and the world. The next step for a book to reach publication is for it to be edited. We are the editors. We recognize our errors and mistakes. We tell God about them as we repent and try to do and be better. At the end of our lives, Christ will take the manuscript of our life, full of the red ink of errors we have circled and tried fixing, and he will turn that into a perfectly published book, free of the errors. I love this analogy because it shows the active role we must take in being better each day, but Jesus Christ can still help us, and it is only because of Him that the errors can be fixed. We don't fix ourselves in this life, but we recognize them and try to be better. He is the one who paid the price for them. It's not a perfect analogy, but it brought new insight to me.

Much love,

Emily Burnham