Outback Cowgirl

 19 April - 25 April 2021

After a couple of rough weeks, this past week was great! Well, the weekend was :):) I finished my last final on Monday, and attended the ward barbeque activity that evening. I rode my unicycle there and people think I'm pretty cool. On Tuesday, I had my graduation photos taken by my friend Kelsie. I did not feel very beautiful and was frustrated with myself a lot this week. But I need to stop focusing on perfection and focus on direction. Progress. Besides, some of the photos did turn out pretty cute!

On Wednesday, I was home all alone for most of the day and felt lonely. I also felt a lot of anger towards myself because I haven't felt well lately because I have little self-control and eat junk food. That evening, my roommate and I went out to dinner at Silver Dish, a Thai place in Provo. She paid for my meal as a graduation gift. That was a great end to the evening.

Thursday was my university graduation. I went down to the Harman building to watch it with good Wifi, and I face-timed my mom over messenger so I wouldn't feel like I was watching it alone. She made it fun because we made faces at each other and laughed. Whitney surprised me in the evening by stopping by to talk. She just got back from her trip to AZ. Then she decided to take me out to dinner to celebrate me graduating. We had a yummy steak at Outback and then got a yummy dessert at Aubergines. It was just what I needed.

Friday was my college graduation ceremony. We had a great guest speaker, but the rest of it was weird... My mom said I could have given a better Valedictorian speech, so it was too bad they didn't choose me. ;) Then our last speaker was... a goat. Yeah, I think they were trying to be funny, but mom and I thought it was so dumb. That evening, I attended a bday party for a friend in the ward. It was kinda awkward because it felt like her mission reunion, since a lot of her companions showed up, but it was good.

Our faces when the goat gave a "speech"

Saturday was so fun! In the afternoon, Mira and I drove to Huntsville because a guy in the ward posted that he was hosting horse rides at his home. It was a long drive, but worth it! We rode on horses for almost an hour along different trails. It was so beautiful! I got a member of the 70s horse to ride. Denny was such a good boy (though he needed a good brushing because he shed so much hair on me!) Then we got to try these different swings, a rope one that I kept falling off of, and this really tall swing that got you so so high in the air! Riding on Denny was so therapeutic and relaxing. I had a giant smile on my face the whole time and started talking with a twang/Southern accent. I think I'd make a pretty great cowgirl (or as I like to say, horsewoman). 

Church on Sunday was so so needed. I have felt so awful this past month and have been so angry with myself and my lack of progress in many things. In relief society, we had a great discussion about God's love and patience for us because He sees the whole picture and doesn't expect more from us than we can give, yet we expect too much and have less patience with ourselves. I felt so peaceful that I just wanted to stay at church afterward instead of going home. I stayed a couple of seconds seated, just soaking in the feeling of peace, love, hope, and relief that the Spirit filled me with.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

P.S. This week I also attempted to draw a picture of Lucy, but no one thinks it looks like her... :(

Last Week of School as an Undergraduate!

 12 April - 18 April 2021

Monday: I slept in and had no desire to leave my bed. I decided to listen to the conference talk by the prophet. While he discussed faith, I decided that if I couldn't get up for myself, I would get up for the Lord. I would exercise faith by making my bed, eating breakfast, and studying my scriptures. It sounds a bit pathetic, but when times are tough, you really have to rely on the Lord for your motivation and strength. I also realized that whatever I do with my future, I just want it to be serving the Lord, because I find the most joy and fulfillment when I am actively serving and working for Him, on His behalf.

Tuesday: I went to the Harman building to work on assignments and attend my last Family Process class. In the evening, I had a temple recommend interview with a member of the stake presidency. I was running a bit behind, so I jumped on my uni and zoomed down there in my dress. Afterwards, I went over to my friend Alyssa's house to hang. We talked and then went to Smith's to get potato chips to snack on. When we got back to her place, we watched old Studio C videos. One of her roommates also danced to Taylor Swift for us, which was super funny, since she'd made the routine up with her sister when they were eight.

Wednesday: I went in person to my last class as an undergraduate student! It was a PS100 review. I shared my crazy theory to the professor after class about how God could reside inside a black hole because not even light can escape, and "light attracts light" so all the light is attracted to Heavenly Father, and also they must be able to move faster than the speed of light to cross planets and galaxies and stuff. It was also a super rainy day, but I decided I didn't need to bring an umbrella or a rain jacket, so I got a bit soaked. That evening, I attended a PES club activity where they had dinner for the students to grab and thank you letters we could write to a professor. I was surprised that a couple of the people there remembered who I was. I wrote a note to my Family Process teacher.

Thursday: Whitney got back into town and asked if I wanted to study at the Harman building with her. Since I had no desire to do anything that day on my own, I agreed and went down in the afternoon. I ended up taking a test for one of my classes, scoring 100% and getting it out of the way.

Friday: I went down to the Harman building again and saw Whitney there (even though we hadn't arranged ahead of time to study there). I didn't say "hi" because she was intently staring at her computer screen and I didn't want to distract her if she was in the middle of a final. So when she got up to get more water, she was surprised to see me! Haha. I took two more finals, then job hunted for a bit. Then Whitney asked if we could go to Sam's Club so she could buy snack foods, so we went and I spent waayyy too much on snacks and such, but oh well. At least I will have snacks to bring with me when I take the rest of my finals!

Saturday: I studied in a quiet room in the Wilk. It's a memorial/reflection room, with only one other person in there. I took another section of my physical science exam and did about the same as I did on the previous one. I am confident I will end the class with an "A" though, just like I did with all my other classes! I also had a great chat with my sister Lucy, who called to hear about how I had once picked the locks in an escape room to get out. It made me feel good that she was so impressed and had a lot to talk about with me. My roommate Claire left for vacation, so I helped her with cleaning for a bit.

Sunday: I went to bed early last night and slept in super late... today I felt really horrible. Just angry at the world, distracted. I didn't want to read my scriptures and got distracted easily when I tried. It was just not my morning. But I was grateful for the opportunity to take the sacrament and have a fresh slate. Also, I am grateful that I asked my roommate if she would scratch my back and she said yes. I sometimes crave physical contact and it really helped me feel more connected and loved today. I called my parents that afternoon and they were already on the phone with Sean. It was really hard to hear what Sean was saying, but he seems to be doing well. I told them I was having a hard day and my dad said to go on a uni ride, walk around campus and say hi to people, and to make gluten-free cookies to cheer myself up. I did the first two (bringing a friend with me on the walk). It did make me feel better, and it was cool that I was able to answer some of Alyssa's questions about serving a mission because it is something she is thinking about doing. I also got invited by one of my ministering sisters to go to a CFM guitar night.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Swept Off My Feet

 5 April - 11 April 2021

I went on a unicycle ride and ran into a friend while she was walking her dog. We got to talking about how we were coping with the last few weeks of the semester, and she put a name to how I was feeling: finish line paralysis. The end is so close that I want to think I am already finished and don't need to do anything else. But I do have important things to finish up before I graduate (*cough cough* final exams). Feeling so lost and unmotivated caused me to pray about my situation, and I was inspired to plan out my day--hour by hour. Then I focused on the one thing I had written down to do that hour and kept moving forward through the day, accomplishing a lot! I'm grateful that I learned the importance of planning from serving a mission. 

I also went this week to pick up a graduation gift from my college, and I got a diploma cover, cap and tassel, keychain, and a couple other things. Woot woot, graduation is getting real! I also met with the career advisement people to go over finding a job and to improve my resume. Adulting is so fun. Ha.

Friday afternoon, I walked over to the Hinckley building to attend my graduate party that the school put on. It wasn't anything huge, just a couple of booths and some raffles you could enter. They also had some food booths out back where you could get a Cougar Tail doughnut, chocolate milk, and BYU ice-cream. So all things I can't have. I ran into a couple of people I knew, but the highlight of my time there (and the highlight of my whole week) was when I took a picture with Cosmo. I was by myself, and I walked up when it was my turn for the picture and put my arm around him. Suddenly, he swept me off my feet and into his arms! It was so unexpected and the picture turned out so so cute! I spent the evening talking with Alyssa and Julia, my two friends I made in the ward that live in my apartment complex.

I spent the majority of Saturday working on homework. I finished writing my last essay as an undergraduate! Wow, it feels so surreal. When people find out that I'm graduating, they offer me their congratulations, and I tell them they should also offer their condolences, because it's a bitter-sweet experience. I won't get to be a BYU student much longer. It's time to move on to the real world.

Church was really good today. I went to church 10 minutes early and sat in the chapel, reading the scriptures, but mostly just pondering about my week and my shortcomings and how I wanted to do better. The testimonies filled my empty soul with light and energy. I took the opportunity to bear my witness of Heavenly Father's plan and love, and how it is okay to not be okay and to have hard days. We had a really good discussion in Relief Society, and something I learned was how being vulnerable allows us to be an example to other people. If they do not know our weaknesses or struggles, then they don't know what we have overcome or what we are doing despite our hardships. I think that is why I have been told that I am such a good example to others. I've always found power in being vulnerable and open because it allows other people to gain strength from my hard experiences. Today was the day that my roommates and I finally got a picture together! My friend Kathrine was in town this afternoon and we took a walk together around campus. It's amazing how quickly things change and evolve on campus! They are constantly working on renovating the campus, and it makes me wonder how different it will be by the time I take my kids back there in the future!

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Easter Conference Weekend

 29 March - 4 April 2021

Monday: For FHE, we died Easter eggs at the boy's apartment. I tried to do one that was half one color and half of another color but it didn't work super well.

Tuesday: I spend a lot of time in the Harman building, since getting out of the house helps me be more motivated to do homework. I met up with Whitney and we worked on stuff side by side.

Wednesday: After classes, I went on a photoshoot. I needed to submit a photo for my graduation profile, and a girl in the ward offered to take some on her iPhone in portrait mode. For some reason, I felt so nervous to get these pictures and didn't feel very beautiful, even though I did my best to get ready. But at least I got a photo out of it that I liked. That evening, I was chilling with my roommate Mira and she had a craving to get a burger, so me, Claire, and Mira took a late night trip to Burger Supreme and then listened to music.

Thursday: My April Fool's Pranking Party was super fun, though it did not go exactly how I pictured it. Way less people showed up than I was expecting, but I think that turned out to be for the best. I was also running behind on setting everything up, so the people who actually showed up on time helped me set things up. Everyone was very impressed with all the things I had planned, and they all seemed to be enjoying the games. I was so happy that people were willing to participate in the pranks (going along with my craziness, haha). So four people (including myself) got pied in the face (it was just a pie tin full of whipped cream) and lots of people got sprayed with silly string and water. I also got a couple of the guys with my glitter bomb balloons that were hanging up! It was so epic. But I definitely took just as much as (or more than) I dished out. People targeted me, but it was really fun. I got people real good with the cupcakes! Hehe, I'd made four of them super salty, and I also had toothpaste in the filling of some of the Oreos. Although it was a bit stressful setting everything up, I think it was worth it to have a memorable night.

Friday: I went ice skating in the afternoon, and one of the other skaters there showed me some ways to improve my Waltz jump. It was really fun to feel myself progressing, even though I got some nasty blisters and a bruise to show for it. I got someone to film me so I could turn in a five second video of me doing a trick on the ice for my college graduation video. That evening, I went over to my old mission companion's house for a Passover dinner and enjoyed getting to meet new people.

Saturday: The commencement of conference! I watched the morning session at home with my roommates and our FHE dad. I went over to Julia and Alyssa's apartment to watch the second session of conference, and between sessions, I had to finish grading tests. In the late afternoon, I tagged along with my roommate Mira to an Easter egg hunt and felt like a little kid again as I ran around collecting eggs from the ground. I came home and finished up some homework that was due before midnight, and then I went shopping to buy myself some Easter treats (and some food so I wouldn't go hungry, of course). 

Sunday: I watched conference at Brother and Sister Witt's house. I got to sit on a GIANT bean bag chair and they gave me a blanket too. Between sessions, I went on a walk with the dad and their daughter Megan. Then we had Easter lunch (potatoes, ham, salad). After the second session of conference, we played games. After spending a total of EIGHT hours there... I left. My friends were having a pot luck at a nearby park, so I jumped on my electric unicycle and zoomed over there. A lot of guys wanted to try it out, so I held their hands to help them balance. One of the guys really got the hang of it! It was fun to talk and joke and hang out with the large friend group.

Much love,

Emily Burnham