Emily Burnham: Door to 2024!

26 December 2023 - 7 January 2024

Okay, yes, I may have decided to make every new year post rhyme. Just wanted to keep with the tradition from last year ;).

If you've been following along in the last several posts, you may have picked up on a theme of feeling overwhelmed and anxious and pressured. Well, I've been delving into my own mental health and self-care, studying closely with God to figure some faulty mindsets I'd picked up along the way, and it's been a whole thing, which is why finding the energy and motivation to write in my blog was pretty much non-existant last week, but I'm here now, so that counts for something. It's now been a whole week into the new year, and I do feel a lot better--more hopeful, less anxious. It's been an interesting journey to reflect back over this past year and realize that in many areas in my professional life, I've felt like I've had to hold myself back in regard to my religious expression, often feeling like my own religiosity would create bias or judgment or would be unethical, so I had to hold myself back. Slowly, I think it started to tear me up a little inside because I used to eat, breathe, sleep all things spiritual and religious. In the books I read, listened to, in the music I listened to, in my thoughts, in my school studies, in my hobbies. And I've felt a thirst and hunger recently to go back to that girl who was immersed in all things religion, no matter what she was doing. I would listen to religious books while working custodial, we could relate any subject at BYU to the gospel. I never felt like I had to separate or compartmentalize my religious side, until going through my Master's program and hearing opinions and teachings from secular teachers. But I've realized that creates a lot more strain in me because I feel like I am working from secular models based on my own expertise and abilities, which creates a lot of pressure, insecurity, and feelings of imposter syndrome. I'd rather work from an integrated religious perspective where all my therapy work/models/interventions are used from the foundation of Christ and His spiritual power and guidance. I don't want to feel like I have to separate my thoughts from Him when studying or practicing therapy. I want to be able to invite Him into my therapy room, into my treatment planning, and invite my clients into my scripture study. Of course on the outside, nothing huge changes. I'm still not preaching gospel principles. I think maybe I would be less hesitant to draw on religious analogies if I know they are religious. But if they are not, I would still respect that and not bring up religious topics when they want to focus on other things. But on the inside, things will change because I will be relying on the power of Jesus Christ to help guide me to know what to say and do to help my clients, and His power and Spirit will be in the room. I hope that my therapy room becomes a sacred space where you can feel a palpable spirit of peace, love, and upliftment. Yeah, so that's been on my mind a lot, just thinking how to better integrate religion and spiritualness into my therapy and into my YouTube channel and other hobbies. Speaking of hobbies, I am still hooked on Kdramas and attempting to learn Korean. Even though my progress may be considered rather slow, I am making tangible, palpable improvements, and that is so very exciting! It's easier for me to sound out Korean words and I can read them a little bit faster. I started working on memorizing 3 Nephi 5:13 in Korean!

Okay, so now onto some highlights from the past two weeks:

During the last week of December, I finished up my application for my associate license and got that submitted within the first week of January, once I'd officially graduated. I sent over my official transcripts, so now I'm just waiting to hear back from them regarding scheduling to take the licensure examination. Everything is so expensive! I will really need to save up my money because applying for licensure, taking exams, and all these CE credits and EFT trainings will cost me about 2 grand when all is said and done! It's insane. No wonder therapy is expensive, y'all! Being a therapist is expensive!

Valerie took me to get my graduation photos, and even though I didn't feel cute that day for whatever reason, fortunately, a lot of the pictures turned out very cute. I don't know exactly why I was just feeling perfectionistic and nit-picky that day. It was a mood. But I've been very motivated to eat a lot healthier, and surprisingly, my desire for carbs and sugar has declined. I just really want to flood my body with healthy things! So I've been drinking healthy smoothies for breakfast with pea-protein powder and fruits/veggies. And then I'm trying to eat a lot more healthier meals, like salmon, quinoa, vegetables, and oranges. I'm avoiding any unnecessary carbs or sugar. But I'm not too picky about it to where I deprive myself of anything. But it's been amazing to see the amount of what I eat decrease as well, as my desire decreases to overindulge in chips and other things that aren't the best for me. On Wednesday the 27th, I had dinner with a friend I met from the EFT training, Ashley. It was incredible and so needed! We talked for two hours at the place! It was such a needed space to be able to share about clients, progress, insecurities, worries, and life as an intern in general and to be understood and validated. I really hope our friendship continues to deepen!

It's been nice thinking that I'm actually getting paid for what I'm doing now! I am also carrying on with my YouTube channel, though it is still not getting many views and feels pointless at times. But I want to continue to turn it into something meaningful and useful. I think I changed it into a good direction when I started focusing in on activities for teens and children, and I'll stick with that direction for a little longer as I continue to ponder and explore how to make it more meaningful and fulfilling. Along the lines of what I was saying earlier, I'm thinking I need to incorporate religious teachings and references into each video, inviting the Spirit and having invitations to act, but I'm still trying to figure out just how I want to incorporate that. I went to Skate Land yesterday with Val for a girl's party. She's in our ward and friends with us both. It was fun to go and stake, but it sure has been a while! I think it took my an hour to ease myself into it and not feel so anxious (last time I rollerbladed at a YSA activity, I fell and really hurt my knee, so I think my elevated race had more to do with nerves than the exercise). But it slowly calmed down and I gained more confidence and had a blast. Plus got a good workout. Also, I've been continuing to go to the gym with my mom, and I am still loving the friend group I made there with Cindy and Hana. I really feel my legs and gluts getting stronger! I've also played pickleball with Andrew, Lu, and Val and had a lot of fun. So yeah, that pretty much sums up my life right now!