Monday
I had major T-mobile phone issues and decided to buy a new phone because I was so annoyed. I went up to campus to try and work, but then when my phone quit on me, I just read a book (I'm reading the Steelheart series by Brandon Sanderson) and it was very peaceful and the weather was great.
Tuesday
While babysitting, Cole called me a brat and was so rude to me. He does not have respect for those in charge and just goes off and does his own thing, which is quite agrivating, but a good situation to practice having more charity, I guess. I also studied the math section for the GRE, which included have to relearn what to do with negative exponents. I went up to campus that afternoon to call people for my research job, and it was cool to run into an old professor that I had (twice)! That evening, I went over to Whitney's apartment to watch season 3 of Pride and Prejudice. Some of her guy friends came over soon after we finished it and it was fun to talk with them all.
Wednesday
After work in the morning, I had a counselling appointment, which was supposedly going to be our last session... until we uncovered something that I want some help working through... a mild case of scrupulosity. After listening to my therapist describe it and reading a bit about it, I feel like my life makes so much more sense. This will be something important for me to learn to recognize and deal with throughout my life, and while I felt overwhelmed at first, I am now feeling more hopeful. I just never could fully describe my emotional experiences, nor did I realize some obsessions I had (getting perfect grades in school, being exactly obedient on the mission, etc) or even feeling like sometimes my prayers aren't good enough or don't count. I think we all have struggles and while it is important not to label yourself and use it as a crutch for your behavior, it is equally important to be self-aware and identify the type of your struggles (whether it be OCD, depression, anxiety) so that you can then work to overcome them instead of falling prey to their cycle over and over again, most of the time without even realize it.
Thursday
I told my boss that I can't work Tuesdays and Thursdays anymore since I have my babysitting job, and I feel so much better! I love having time in the morning to start my day right. It was a fun time babysitting. I got to ride on their electric scooter with Jack and his cousin. We all went down to the park and I got to ride around the parking lot while they played. Then, I randomly asked Cole if I could try braiding his hair, since it had gotten pretty long. I'd say it was a success! I also filmed someone that afternoon for my YouTube channel, which was good! In the evening, we had an "emergency" ward council meeting to finish up the preparations for meeting in person on Sunday.
Friday
I cleaned early in the morning, then went home, got ready for the day, and prepared myself for the big babysitting job I had ahead of me. From 12:30pm today until 9am tomorrow morning. Yup, I'm spending the night. So anyways, I get there and things are fine for the afternoon. The kids have their cousins over, Cole has friends over, so there are tons of kids just running around. I just have to clean up after some messes and make food, but otherwise the kids are entertaining themselves, and I can read and do whatever. I took the two oldest girls out on a photo-shoot, so I did their hair. That was an adventure! Well, then that evening, Cole wouldn't listen to me (he never does, anyway) but he had his friends stay over until super late, like almost 10pm, even though I'd tried to send them home earlier. Then he decides to start a movie, and won't go to bed until it's over, and by that time it's almost 11:30. Then he locks his younger brother out of the room because he's "too tired and doesn't want to listen to his brother talking." I finally convince him to let his brother in, and he says "fine, but if he makes one sound, I'm kicking him out!" He apparently told his brother not to even move, so the kid had to pee real bad but didn't want to get up, so he peed his pants. Then he got kicked out anyways, so I got him settled onto the couch downstairs, prayed with him, then had to stay by his side until he fell asleep (his request). By then it was almost midnight (and I'd been up since before 5:30am). Finally I got to sleep, but the pillow and bet weren't even that comfortable.
Saturday
Well, when I woke up, things didn't get any better. When I went to get Jack, he'd peed through his diaper in the night and it soaked his clothing down his pant legs and up to his elbow. I got him out of his wet diaper and clothes, then bathed him. Then, after a bit, Cole came down the stairs, blood gushing out of his nose. I got him some tissues and after it stopped, he showed us how the blood was all over the bathroom sink and floor. There was spots of blood on his bed as well, so I threw his sheets into the wash. After breakfast, I packed up all the extra food that Julia had bought for me and left as the next babysitter arrived to take over. Hallelujah! I decided that I didn't need to work all day, but instead to give myself a much needed and earned rest. I went back to bed when I got home, spent lots of time reading and resting and overcoming the guilt that usually accompanies doing nothing, which is part of having scrupulosity for me. It was a glorious rest of the day!
Sunday
Of course one of the first things I did this morning after studying my scriptures and eating breakfast was to call and wish my dad a happy father's day. Also, we got to go back to church today! What a monumental day... after almost four months of no church. I went early with the ward council to help wipe down surfaces and clean. It was my first time wearing a mask since the pandemic started, and I can't say that I'm a huge fan, but it was worth it to be able to worship in church again. It was so weird to look around only see half of people's faces, and the elders preparing the sacrament wore gloves when breaking the bread. We were directed to seats to be spaced out from each other, sitting in every other row by apartment. While waiting for my lunch to thaw out, I went with Susan to sing by the river on the edge of campus. She is AMAZING at harmonizing, and it was really fun to create such beautiful masterpieces together. That afternoon, I invited Kathrine over to do some indexing (because it's so hard to get the motivation to do it alone). We have an inside joke now about how indexing is the new Mutual... While indexing military records, I pretend they are eligible bachelors, since last week one of my roommates thought I was on Mutual when really I was just reading one of the physical examination records to index. Also, I talked with my trainer on the phone, and she asked me to be a videographer at her wedding! So I got a job offer since starting my photography business ;). Whitney came over just to chill with me on the couch until we went back to her place and had a Come, Follow Me lesson outside on the grass. One cool thing that we talked about was how disciples of Christ are compared to light and salt, and how the purpose of those two things is to enhance others. Because of light, we can see beauty, but we shouldn't stare directly into the sun or a light bulb. Salt by itself is disgusting, but it can enhance the flavor in other foods. Our role is to turn outwards, uplifting and strengthening those around us, not trying to be the center of attention.
My roommates are truly great. They have such love for me, and I am grateful for them!
Much love,
Emily Burnham
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