New Hair, New Shoes, No Job

 23 August - 29 August 2021

On Monday, Mom took me to get my hair colored at Aunt Shelli's place. I wanted to go for a balayage style, so I got some highlights added in and went lighter. The red tint is mostly gone now, and the blonde does a great job of covering and blending with my gray hairs. Because yes, Burnhams tend to go gray earlier than average. Much earlier. Then I went shopping with mom afterwards and got a new pair of running shoes that don't irritate my feet. They were expensive, but mom paid for them and said I can pay her back. I've been keeping track of how many hours I've been cleaning, and mom will pay me at a minimum wage. That will go towards paying back for my shoes. I still haven't had any luck with securing a job, though I have had many interviews. 

On Tuesday, I went to the Musicology interview, and I did not have a good feeling after the interview, like I knew they were not going to hire me. The lady barely even got to know me. I've been squeezing lots of limes though! I've squeezed at least 18 cups of lime juice thus far, which goes towards drinks at Aaron's wedding. In the evening, I went with mom and Lu to the gym for an aqua fit workout. It was okay, but I still really miss the Provo Rec Center! Wow I did not realize just how lucky I was there. The best part was after class when we sat in the jacuzzi for a bit. On Wednesday, I went to the temple to do sealings. I also have started working on Aaron and Briesa's wedding gift. I am painting them a picture that they can hang in their living room, and they are going to LOVE it. I just know it. The tricky part is working on it when Aaron is not home. When I was having a hard time this week emotionally, I wrote in my journal, read my patriarchal blessing, and prayed. I felt a lot of peace and reassurance. I helped mom clean up a lot on Friday, and I got ready for my date. I was actually really excited to meet the guy from mutual. I drove to the Mesa temple where I helped pick weeds. He was a bit late. When he finally got there, I was very disappointed to see he did not look like the pictures he'd posted. I was so bummed and didn't enjoy the rest of the date because he wasn't what I expected or attractive. I felt so sad for a few hours afterwards, and my dad and mom comforted me. This is all part of the process of finding Mr. Right, and I know he is out there. My mom says when I finally find him, she will kick his butt for taking so long, lol. 

On Saturday, we celebrated Grandpa Burnham's 80th birthday. All the cousins and families came, and it was actually very overwhelming for me to see all the people I haven't seen in years all around, and so so so many little kids. I played with some of the little ones and escaped a bit of it by going shopping with Valerie. 

Sunday was a great day. I woke up with period cramps, and I didn't want to be social at church, but then I thought to myself that I go to church for Jesus, no one else. So with that determination, I went to church. During Sunday school, I made comments and felt the Spirit as I spoke, and then I talked with a couple guys afterwards that I could relate to. One guy commented that he served in Alabama, so I asked about his mission. The teacher commented that he was going into marriage and family therapy, so I talked with him about that too. I'm feeling more confident in my ability to befriend others and make the ward my ward. Make it feel like a second home. It's the best when you go to church for the Lord, not for yourself.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Mesa Temple Visitor's Center

16 August - 22 August 2021

Monday: I went to Zumba with my mom. I'm still not good at dancing, but it's fun. I had an interview for a job working with kids that turned out not to feel right. The pay was not in the range I was hoping for, and I didn't click with the lady in charge. For FHE, we went to help organize the Mesa Temple lights. THERE ARE SO MANY STINKIN' LIGHTS!!

Tuesday: We went to Yoga at the gym, which I actually really did not like. The lady was not soothing and acted passive-aggressive. But we stayed and did our best, even though my mom sounded like she was in pain the whole time. I went to the temple for an endowment session. While it was good to be in the temple, I had the hardest time staying awake! I think I may have nodded off for a few seconds. It made me miss the Provo City Center Temple and how at-home I felt there. But the more I go to the Gilbert Temple, the more it should feel like home.

Wednesday: Went to the gym again! We did a weight circuit work out, then we went shopping. I had two different job interviews, both of which revealed that the job was not what I was hoping for. That evening, I was bored and lonely because my parents left and then Lucy was about to leave. I asked where she was going and she said she was going to young womens. Then she asked if I wanted to come. I said yes, then she said that she was kidding! I said she couldn't disinvite me, so I tagged along, which I think she was happy about. They discussed marriage.

Thursday: I babysat for the Tilley's for about 40 minutes, just two babies that were sleeping. It was originally going to be 13 kids for 2 hours, but their plans changed last minute. I still got paid really well!

Friday: I had a tough morning. I wasn't feeling well and I was down on myself. I ditched going to the gym and laid downstairs on the couch. I had a struggle with my dad over trying to ask for a blessing, but I humbled myself and re-asked instead of being stubborn or angry. I felt peaceful after the blessing, and one of the main things I remember from the blessing is that the Lord desires for me to be married and has someone in store, but it will be in His timing (it always mentions His timing with marriage, so I'm starting to think that maybe it's gonna be another 10 years. Only God knows!). But I know the wait will be worth it. 

Saturday: I attended our Relief Society water aerobics activity in the morning. I invited Lucy to come with me and Valerie, which she did. It was good! Honestly, I miss the Provo Rec Center. They have all sorts of classes I miss, plus the free admission to go ice skating! That afternoon, I had a date from a guy I met on mutual. We met up at the Mesa Temple's visitor center, which was newly renovated, then got fries after. We found out that we were third cousins when we did the family history activity on the top floor of the visitor center! While the guy was nice, he was not my type.

Sunday: I saw Sydney Langford at church today and sat with her! I am slowly feeling like it is my ward now as I get to meet new people. I loved listening to Elder Stevenson's talk about kindness (Hearts Knit Together in Unity), which we discussed in Relief Society. It reiterated to me how I want a husband who is kind. Kindness heals. Val, Briesa, and I were all wearing green, so we got a picture together! I think that I am better at being myself, goofy and open and fun, instead of feeling like I have to be reserved. 

I love my Savior and Heavenly Father! I am grateful for Their example of kindness and love.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Goodbye and Hello

 9 August - 15 August 2021

I did it! I packed up all my belongings, fit them in my lil Honda Fit, drove over 10 hours home, and then unpacked and settled in! What a week. On Monday, I drove to Springville to drop off a bday gift to Shelly and went to see Whitney one last time and give her a hug before I leave. Then I visited with MJ and her babies. I was an exhausted mess, but that Rosalee is sure a cutie! That evening, we had a ward talent show. I performed some fiddle songs. I kept messing up Orange Blossom Springs (the simplified version I've been teaching myself for months) but everyone was still really impressed. Everything is feeling a bit bitter-sweet as I realize just how much I love those in my ward and am going to miss them.

On Tuesday, I spent the morning cleaning for my last cleaning check. My ministering sister Emma came over to help. It was such a blessing because it cut the work in half (well, I feel like she did more than half the work since I needed to finish eating my breakfast). I was so grateful! My other ministering sister, Brittany, stopped by to drop off a note and give me a hug goodbye. I went out to lunch with Mira and Alyssa Baker to Costa Vida. After a nap, Mira painted my toes. I met with my friend Mason at Aubergine's for an acai bowl because he wanted to say goodbye before I left. That evening, I drove to the Nixon's to say goodbye to the kids. The oldest girl was gone with her mom, and the two oldest boys were swimming, but I got a good farewell hug from lil Jack. He gave me the biggest hug (with his dad's encouragement) and a kiss on my cheek. As I was about to leave, the dad called Jack out for one last hug, and Jack ran up and I scooped down and swung him up for a big hug and kiss on the cheek. That little dude is too cute!! I caught the tail end of institute in the evening.

Wednesday morning, I finalized everything, ate my leftover Costa for breakfast, and Vivian came over for a quick goodbye. She stayed to wave me off. I stopped by Sam's to fill up on gas, and then I was off! I stopped once to go to the bathroom, and then once to fill up on gas. The closer I got to AZ, the cheaper the gas prices became, going down from 3.95 to 3.30 and then finally here in AZ at Sam's club, 2.95. I listened to audiobooks and had car snacks to eat. At one point along the drive in AZ, it was getting so hot in my car even with the AZ on full blast, and I saw some dark clouds in the distance and prayed for rain or cloud coverage. Shortly thereafter, it was cloudy and pouring rain! It was a bit scary because it was hard to see and my car hydroplaned once, but the air was blessedly cool. When I got home, I was an exhausted hot mess, but I gave everyone a hug, including Briesa, Aaron's fiancé, who I met for the first time. It was so nice to have a home cooked meal and then to go to bed.

Over the next couple of days, I unpacked and settled in, and also was on the job hunt. I scheduled a lot of interviews for next week, some of the jobs I'm actually really excited about, which is an answer to prayer. I've been cleaning upstairs and rearranging things so I feel like I have my own little space. Some of my things are in the middle room, but I am able to fit a lot in Lucy's room (once I cleaned out some of her junk). I've been going to fitness classes at the gym with my mom, trying to get back in shape as well.

Sunday was a bit hard because it made me miss the 9th ward so much. Bishop Osborn and the counsellor's are SO caring and loving and concerned and welcoming. The members are so tight nit and welcoming. There is definitely a different vibe in this ward, and I feel like it'll be a challenge to find my own friends with two siblings already in the ward (I don't just want to be known as "Aaron or Val's sister") but I am striving to be outgoing and talking to others and getting to know them, and I know Heavenly Father will answer my prayer and bring some great friends into my life. We did have a cool object lesson in Sunday School where we all had to close our eyes and select a rock. After feeling it for a bit, we all put our rocks back and then finally we could open our eyes. We then had to select which rock was ours. It was actually easy once I touched my rock and felt it. I knew immediately it was my rock. We tied that in to how the Savior felt everything we felt when He suffered for us, and because of that, He knows us intimately. Sunday evening, Doug and Heidi and their boys came over. We played games while they talked politics. 

Much love,

Emily Burnham 

Farewell Foggy Provo!

 2 August - 8 August 2021

I am exhausted. This has been my last full week in Provo, prompting lots of reflection about my time spent here. I am most grateful for the person I have become because of the people I have known and the things I've learned from my education. I am still a Spiritual person, and I am closer to God in a lot of ways. I'm more patient, more compassionate, less judgement, less anxious, more hopeful, and more peaceful. I have more confidence in my friendships, less fear about the future unknowns, and more feelings of priesthood power--God's power--in my life. I think I've had all summer to come to terms with finishing school and all the chapters that will close in my life. I think that's why a lot of the summer has been difficult. But now I am just excited for the new chapters opening ahead of me. I have so much to look forward to, and a family to make memories with. I am excited and ready to go home. I don't know how long I will live there, but I know it's the next right step for me to take at this time, and that is enough to go on. 

As for my week, it's been pretty productive. I've earnestly started organizing and packing my belongings into my car. I am confident I will fit everything I need in there! I just may not be able to use my rear view mirror to see out my back window... hehe. I've been selling things I can't take with me and practicing daily on the violin for the musical number on Sunday and for the ward talent show. I took a load of stuff over to DI to get rid of on Tuesday, and that evening I had a fun girls' night with my friends. I helped one of the girls dye her hair. It was exhausting! She had to bleach it first and then dye it. On Wednesday, I went on a painting frenzy and painted random things on the rest of the rocks that decorate our outside wall underneath our living room window. I wonder how long those rocks will stay there... That evening, I babysat for the Nixon family, though actually I watched four completely random kids that were over because the actually Nixon kids were all gone, but the family friend's kids were there. I am good at connecting and playing with kids, and they all had a great time. On Thursday, I attended my last in-person voice lesson. It's been SUPER smoky this week from big fires in neighboring states, plus I was just getting better from a sore throat, so my voice was weak and tired. But Christina asked if I'd like to continue lessons over Zoom, which I was very happy about. Oh yeah, and on my walk outside (like two minutes into it), I got stung by a bug! And my hand swelled up and felt like fire in my veins and still hurt a couple days after! :(

Friday was my last temple shift, and I had a marvelous time. I am surely going to miss those cute and spiritual old ladies at the temple, and they said if I'm ever in town, I need to come in during the Friday 2 shift so they can all see me! I felt so much power in the ordinances this week as I prayed for patrons on both sides of the veil and focused on the authority I have from God to perform the sacred ordinances and allow the power of Godliness to manifest. On Saturday, I helped out a friend unexpectedly. I'd been going to borrow gluten-free flour, and then she needed me to stay to help get her out the door. I truly believe she has OCD and scrupulosity that affects her daily functioning, and my presence there really helped her out, even though what I thought would be a 15 minute trip turned into an hour and a half. I had lunch with Kathrine at India Palace. The food was pretty good, but I ordered vegan to make sure it was dairy free and didn't realize that meant no meat, so I just got a ton of beans :(. I baked all afternoon, making pumpkin bread, banana bread, and cake (all gluten and dairy free, of course) for my "Come and Go" event in the evening to see friends. Everyone loved the baked goods! After, I went to a friend's house and watched Ratatouille with them.

Sunday was a really good day. Becca came over to talk and say goodbye, and I gave her some things I won't be taking with me. I got to play the violin duet in church with Mira, and it sounded really good. I felt the power of God from the sacrament ordinance. Relief Society was good, and I bore my testimony at the end about the temple. Kathrine came to our ward and I fed her lunch afterwards. She helped do my dishes. I went to reconnect in the afternoon and ate fresh salsa and did family history. In the evening, I went to Come, Follow Me and ward prayer, and then went for the game night, but I brought my violin and asked if we could have a jam night instead, and so many people jumped on the idea. We had a piano, multiple guitars, a saxophone, a flute, and of course, my violin. It was fun, and the best part was that the guy (Josh) let me try his saxophone. It was hard to get it to make noise at first. He said to really use my lungs and blow. Nothing happened. He told me to put more of my mouth on the mouth piece, and then I blew hard and this loud honking noise came out and scared everyone--including me! Then I laughed so hard. I couldn't get it to blow softly, it was an all or nothing reaction, but I think I could get it down with more practice. Then I got to try the flute, and I was able to blow on it and make noise on my first try, and Josh was really impressed. I think I'd make a pretty awesome flute player. Then I said goodbye to my friends and hugged them all before leaving.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Candy From a Stranger

 26 July - 1 August 2021

I've started cleaning and sorting through my items this week. My popcorn machine is quite the project to clean... probably because I didn't do a good job of cleaning it regularly. I've packed some bags full of clothes and items to donate, and I'm just hoping and praying I will be able to fit everything in my little Honda Fit. On Tuesday, I stopped by Whitney's house before institute to say hi. They were watching the Olympics women's gymnastics, so I stayed and watched with them, going late to institute. After, I carpooled over with friends to get our "family" picture taken with the friend group, only by the time everyone got there, it was too dark. We had to reschedule. We all made plans to go get fries together. As we were driving back, there was this young man riding on his motorcycle, seeming to enjoy the night. Whitney said that if I cat-called him from the window that she would buy my fries! So, of course I did! Cuz, free fries. Yum :) Since my voice was still recovering from being sick, it sounded more like I was screaming at him, but oh well. Job done, so free fries. We went to a place called The Wash, which was very busy. I got their "shaker" fries, which is a ton of fries in a paper bag, and they give you the seasoning in a little container to sprinkle in the bag and shake around. They were pretty delicious! Everything there looked really good, especially their fancy drinks and shakes. 

I still haven't been feeling completely better (if anything, I keep feeling worse), so I received a priesthood blessing of healing from two men in my YSA ward. I am grateful for worthy men who can bless me through God's power. God really trusts--or at least desires--me to make my own decisions. He has been very clear about that, and again mentioned in my blessing that the path I am on is a good one, and that it is my choice. I think I will find a lot of joy this next year in my decisions. I've been practicing the violin pretty much daily, preparing for when I will play in church and for the ward talent show. I also tried painting with oil paint, which was much harder than I was expecting. I wasn't super happy with how my painting turned out, but it still looks beautiful in its own way. I've also been applying for lots of scholarships!

On Thursday, I added tapes to my violin so I can have more confidence in where to place my fourth finger. I also went down to a local music store to get a new A string for my violin, since the old one was beginning to unravel. I babysat for the Nixon family that evening. They had some family friend kids over, so there were seven kids total. I drove the kids down to a local soda shop on a golf cart and they all ordered treats. Then we went back and watched Black Widow in their movie theater room. I missed bits and pieces due to putting kids to bed and getting other things done, but from what I did watch, it was very... violent. 

On Friday morning, I attended my temple shift from 9:30am to 2pm. I got to do a live sealing for the first time! It was marvelous. I got to lead the bride and groom to their dressing rooms, direct them through the whole process, including taking the bride through the advanced veil ceremony and sitting in during their sealing. It was such a joy to watch their love and happiness. That evening, I drove to our ward activity at Salem Pond Park. It was not well attended by ward members, but it was fun. The food was good and I got to go paddle boarding for a bit, which was so tranquil. 

I was asked if I could sub for someone's temple shift on Saturday, and since I wasn't really doing anything, I agreed. So again from 9:30 to 2, I served in the temple, even though I was exhausted. I had a lot of down time because people didn't show up for their scheduled time or was waiting to do the veil. I was feeling a bit restless. As I read the Book of Mormon while waiting, I started feeling guilty for how I have spent my time this summer, wasting a lot of it on meaningless things like tv or sleeping. I couldn't find peace or feel loved or forgiven. But an hour later, I was sitting in my next assigned spot, when an old man temple worker walked by. I smiled at him. Then a few minutes later, he came back out and walked up to me and held out his hand full of candies for me to choose from. I picked a salt-water taffy and he smiled and walked away. I had a genuine, huge smile on my face after that. I knew God had inspired him to come to me, and I felt God's love and forgiveness in that moment. He had sent someone to come help me because He knew I was having trouble feeling connected to Him. It made a huge difference in the rest of my shift and the rest of my week. Later, I went to visit Megan-Jean and her cute babies. I enjoy holding them. After, I left to go to see Mason's new house he bought along with my other friends. He fed us food. To end the night, I attended our stake activity at the Provo Rec Center. I went down the slides three times! They were super fun. I actually stayed until the activity ended! Granted, it did end early due to a lightning storm approaching. But it was a lot of fun!

I was exhausted on Sunday. I really overdid it the past couple of days, but it was totally worth it. I slept in. I fasted for an amazing job that I will enjoy in AZ, along with some other things. I bore my testimony in church, knowing it was the last time I'd get to speak at the pulpit of the Manavu chapel as a member of the 9th ward. It's crazy how soon I'm moving, but I am also very excited for the future ahead of me. I was reminded today of the important work I have among my own family members to keep promises I made in the premortal life. I attended Reconnect at Bishop's house and completed a lot of tasks from the Family History app on my phone. It is super simple and easy (assuming I'm doing it right...). I went to my friend group Come, Follow Me, and after I stayed with Whitney in her room and talked with her when everyone else left for ward prayer. She was feeling sick from something she ate, and I just sat next to her on her bed and listened a lot and talked and felt peace and the Spirit. It was just what I needed.

Much love,

Emily Burnham