8 November - 14 November 2021
In the middle of this week, I officially ran out of the medicine I take for anxiety. I didn't make plans to get more because I was having extreme anxiety whenever I thought about meeting up with a new therapist or doctor to get more, so I started and stopped the process multiple times. I thought I would just see how I functioned without it. Mom bought me this essential oil that is supposed to help with anxiety and stuff, so I've been using that the past week or two. Well, only a couple of days later and I am struggling and feeling general anxiety and sickness. I had stake conference this weekend and was getting sick from how long it went on Saturday night, and I was so tired and screaming on the inside and I felt awful. I thought, why the crap am I feeling this way? This isn't me! It took a day later during the Sunday stake conference session for me to realize: that wasn't me. That was my anxiety. Perhaps that was an effect of stopping taking my medicine. I have also felt physically ill lately because of what I've been eating, so it could also be that. And lack of exercise. I'm definitely feeling my age--well, older than my age! If I don't move my body around daily, I get stiff and sore and can't move. And I'm only 23! Almost 24. But still! It's so hard to live a balanced life. One miracle happened this week. I started on some schoolwork Tuesday morning and was feeling stressed because I'd called 15 different MFT therapists to interview for a school assignment, and either they didn't get back to me at all, or said they were too busy. I prayed and plead with Heavenly Father that I could find someone to interview! A couple hours later, I had a message from a therapist who called back and said it was super unusual, but she had a lot of availability in her day and would be available for an interview. I jumped on it! I felt so grateful for however God worked His miracle so that it could work out that day and relieve some stress I had. I went to the public library in the afternoon to see if that would help me focus on school work, but it didn't because it was full of high-schoolers that went to Perry. Anyways, I'm still trying to work out the best mix of motivation for me to get schoolwork done in a timely manner (by doing it outside of the house) so I have time for other things. I really want to write children's books. I don't know what I'll need to do to make it happen, but I think it is a worthy goal to strive towards. So this week has had lots of highs and lows. But for the rest of this weekly update, I'm going to focus on the highs.
On Monday evening, I hosted Family Home Evening at my house. We had a decent turnout, around 8 people, and we played games and mom made cinnamon rolls and popcorn and hot chocolate. We had it outside. I prayed and prayed because I've been struggling with finding friends, and I had this blessing come over me, where I was able to take on Christ's character. I saw those who came as individuals that I am called to love and serve and put first. I forgot myself and focused on them, on what would be fun for them, on making sure they all felt included, and on what the Lord wanted them to hear. It made the night so much fun, and I was out playing and involved for TWO hours! Which if you know me and what I'm going through at this time in my life, you would know what a miracle that is. There have been multiple times where I attend and leave (sometimes early) social events in tears. I feel like I can make some pretty great friends from my FHE group.
The second highlight of my week was Thursday. I got to play racquetball in the morning with my entire family! (Plus some other friends of Val came). Then I went to the Mesa Temple open house with Mom, Val, and Briesa. It was a long wait since it was veteran's day and there wasn't school, but it was awesome to see my mom's expression as she went through the temple she was married in. Then, we went to the visitor's center and then to the ice cream shop next door, where they sell BYU Creamery ice cream! Which Valerie was VERY happy about because she loves her graham canyon! The line was very long, but worth it. We got huge bowls of ice cream that was delicious, and we sat outside in this beautiful courtyard, and even with people all around, I felt so peaceful and relaxed as we sat on the padded benches together and enjoyed a treat. It was the most peace I have felt in a long while. Of course, if you are wondering, yes, I'm still lactose-intolerant, so the next day was rough and I was sooooo tired and a bit grumpy.
And I just decided to throw in a third bonus of my week. I went on an ice skating date with a guy from mutual. I did not have high expectations. I've learned not to because of the many times I was crushed form guys not living up to their profile pics and just being super awkward and weird in real life. I had a video chat with one such dude Friday afternoon that was just awful. But then I had a second date planned that evening, and I thought that if nothing else, at least I like ice skating! And it actually was pretty good. He is also upfront and honest and conversation flowed pretty well and it didn't feel awkward at all. I could honestly see myself becoming friends with him and inviting him to do stuff, which is always a good first step. I don't know the future, if I see things going past that, nor do I want to because then my anxious brain will freak out and ruin the moment and make me not want to progress forward anyway. But I'm just grateful I had a fun night. And Lia, a nine year old that skates there frequently and with whom I have become friends, totally crashed part of the date, skating and talking with us and challenging us to do different tricks. But I thought it was adorable.
Anyways, so those are the things to remember from this week :)
Love you all. Love Jesus and my Heavenly Parents. I know things will get better for me. I know God will help me know what to do to get better and to have the strength to overcome challenges.
Much love,
Emily Burnham
