God is Aware of Me

 1 November - 7 November 2021

This week started off sad. We had a combined FHE "Day of the Dead" activity at the church, but I showed up and after only 20 minutes, I just felt super sad and lonely and left, crying in the car on my drive home. I just haven't found any friends here. I came home and dad was concerned and asked what was wrong, but I didn't want to tell him because he wouldn't understand, so I changed into exercise clothes and started out on a walk down the street, but then I had a thought to go see grandpa, so I went in and he saw me in tears and muted his TV and asked what was wrong. I told him how I felt lonely and didn't have friends and he said he felt the same. I asked how he kept going and he said he knows the Lord has a work for him to do and so he just does it every day, keeps going. Then dad was peeking in the back sliding glass door so I went out to talk to him and he gave me a big hug and sent me to go talk to mom, since she would understand better. I laid in mom's bed with her and she snuggled me and then we finished watching the movie she was watching (which was Dune, the old version).

Tuesday, I felt terrible. I just chill-axed while mom and Sean went to the gym because I wasn't feeling up to it. Mom and Sean washed my car, which hadn't been washed since before I moved from Utah! I went on a walk in the afternoon with Sean. It was hot! I went with Valerie and Sean to play dodge ball. It was fun, but the first game lasted an hour because if you shot a hoop, then your whole team got back in, so that kept happening! It was a good workout.

Mom made yummy gluten-free pizza for me for dinner. Yum yum yum. I got gas and then drove to the church for ministering night. We were assigned to see a new girl whose records moved into our ward. We drove almost all the way back home, then when Sean and I got there, the mom was home and told us her daughter had gotten married last month. So... we just chatted with her for a bit, then went back to the church for games (and pizza, but not for me, but good thing I already had some).

On Thursday night, Kiev in our ward invited me and Sean and Valerie to attend the Mesa Temple open house, so I went instead of going to institute. It was so very beautiful! So many gorgeous murals. We sang in the car and had a fun time. Then we went home and had movie night, watching Spies in Disguise, which was funny just like I remembered. I went to bed super late, so I guess it was a blessing my shift got switched to Friday night last week (even though at the time I was super annoyed). 

I got to sleep in! And then I finished up writing my essay. I actually had plenty of time to get ready for work, going in for my 2 to 9pm shift. It was fine. In the evening, Lia came to help us in the back and I braided her hair. When I got home, mom was already asleep!

On Saturday, I worked 7am to 2pm, then picked up my new bra from Kohls, then went home. I finished up a bit of school work, then got ready for the Coyotes hockey game in Glendale. Everyone except Valerie went. We all had a really fun time! Lucy really loved it and got super into it. Mom was excited and enthralled with the game. And of course, we were all super happy when Sean got recognized on the jumbotron screen for his service in the military.

I got a second calling on Sunday. I'm now also a FHE group leader. Brother Rollins met with me to call me, and I'm actually really glad because I was able to talk about how I've been struggling and ask him for a blessing after church, which was so much needed. He is such a spiritual man and said some things from God that I really needed to hear. God is aware of my afflictions and has a greater purpose for why I am going through this period of sadness and hardship, and it will benefit me in the long run by giving me perspective. This is a time in my life where I need to turn outward in service, focusing on others, and as a byproduct, I will be healed inside. I was blessed to be healed both in body and mind. While it is good for me to be aware of how I am feeling and what I need to change, I mustn't lose my focus on serving those around me. That comes first. I am actually very grateful for this opportunity I will have to have a new group of people to focus on and love.

Much love,

Emily Burnham