2 January - 8 January 2023
Just like any other week, this past week had its ups and downs, but the important thing is that I survived the downs with dignity, and I'm going to focus on the ups that brought me joy so that they can bring me joy again when I read back through my journey.
The first half of the week was nothing too exciting. I was able to take a much-needed break from school (and an unwanted break from work, lol). I haven't had too many hours of work in the past couple of months, so being told not to come in to work anymore because they aren't busy enough was kind of a big bummer, but having time off from school has been amazing. I'm truly burnt out with school. Fortunately, now I'll only be taking one class on top of my internship class and internship itself. This will leave me with plenty of room to focus on my internship and apply what I've been learning, so classes FINALLY won't be the main focus of my life. (#blessed #muchneededchange). Anyway, I was able to go in to work on Tuesday and Thursday for 3 hours each day and got some much-needed organizing and deep cleaning done, but then my boss texted me that I'm not needed because it isn't busy and that "if you are needed, we will call you." Yeah. Right. That kind of ticked me off because NO. I am not at your beck and call! You kept me on part-time and we had a verbal agreement about the days I'd be working, and now to save yourself money, you're going to wait until it's busy to call me in to help? No, it doesn't work like that! I realized they've been stringing me along ever since October, when we hired my replacement. I told them my last day I could work full-time and the days and times I'd be able to work next year as a part-time help (because they were begging for it, really wanting me to stay on and help, mind you), and then all the sudden I'm cut back all these hours, given WEEKS off, cut down to half-days, and then when I'm starting back up like we agreed for the new year, I'm told to stop coming in until mid-January or when I'm "called." Now, I'm not saying all of this out of bitterness or anger, but just out of feeling liberated to realize that I'm not crazy or worthless or in the wrong for wanting to go in to work the hours we'd agreed to. They were even trying to cut back the hours of my replacement, Denae, who was hired to work full-time, and she had to put her foot down and say, "No, I was hired to work full weeks, and I wouldn't have taken the job if that wasn't the case, so I need to keep those hours." Because, yeah! We're poor; we need money. Of COURSE we'd love to have work off and go on vacation, but we can't afford it right now. So I had a nice talk with her and felt very validated, and then I told my family about what happened and they agreed that I was not being treated with the respect I deserve. So, if something else comes up, I will feel ZERO percent guilty taking on that job and telling the tax place, "snooze ya loose." (Obviously in a waaayy nicer way). So, my ears are peeled for other job opportunities. Okay, rant over. :)
Let's see... on Wednesday morning, I went into the internship office to get set up and ready to roll for when my internship officially starts. Yo, it just made me realize how unprepared I am, and how unprepared they are for me! Good thing I am taking the initiative, because we had to set up an email for me, which took us TWO hours to do. I was working with the new office manager, Kendra, and we couldn't get me in the system and set up without the email, and we couldn't figure out how to get into it for a while, then how to add an email (we called the people and found out we had to buy another domain, which is $$$$OO pricey). There's quite a bit to do in such a short amount of time, so it's good that I'm the kind of person who stays on top of things. So almost three hours of sitting there for nothing, but also not for nothing, you know? Because I'm getting to know the place and the flow of things and getting to know the office manager better and how she works. We planned for me to come back on Friday to go through everything since my email would take up to 24 hours to register and start working once they helped us set it up. I also attended the temple Wednesday afternoon. I love thinking of going to the temple as the Lord personally inviting me to come visit Him in His house.
Friday morning was so helpful. I got a key to the office at Clear Counseling! I parked in the back and went in to finish training with Kendra. I had a list of questions, and Michele was able to come and chat with us for a while because one of her appointments cancelled, so I was able to ask her as well, which was super helpful. The exciting news is that someone reached out to my through my Psychology Today profile and wants to seek therapy from me and see if we're a good fit! That made me so excited. People are seeing me as a professional and wanting to meet with me! It also gave me a good dose of panic... what am I going to do to help her?? I don't know what I'm doing!!!! (But really I do, but imposter syndrome is REAL, y'all). Also, I'm reassured that I'll be able to get the client hours I need because I am going to work at a group home and they have plenty of clients that I can take on. So all the stress about finding clients has been majorly relieved! I was also able to talk with one of the other therapists there, Kari, and get to know her better. I checked out the play therapy room in more detail. I'm super pumped to get thrown in and start learning! There's no other way to do it.
The other highlight of my week was Saturday night. We had the missionaries over for dinner Saturday night and made smoked pizzas (which no, that was not the best part I was referring to). I have been weary of having missionaries over because I find myself judging them and I hate that. So tonight I decided to take a more direct approach, and after my mom finished rambling all about politics to the missionaries (her favorite topic to discuss with them, which is rather ironic), I changed the subject and said, "So, you're sitting at a table with three returned missionaries. What questions do you have or advice do you need? Anything you're struggling with?" That was a GAME changer. They started discussing things they felt stuck in and wanted new ideas for approaches in knocking on doors and street contacting. I was able to give advice and testify and felt the Spirit so powerfully. Valerie chimed in with awesome advice, and even dad spoke up. The missionaries loved it. My mom said it looked like the elders were about to pull out a notepad and start taking notes. We also discussed methods for working with members and less actives or investigators, and we just felt so close to each other and had such a bonding experience, feeling the Spirit together. Elder Taylor said that he felt like his spark for missionary work had been re-lit, that he'd been in a rut before. That was just so fulfilling to hear! Because that's been my dream. To inspire and help others be more missionary-minded and more like Christ. After my mom came back from church on Sunday, she said that the missionaries totally lit up with they saw her and our family and she could tell they LOVED dinner, and they said they'd come to us if they needed help or advice ever again. Yay for genuine missionary work!! Also, later after the missionaries left, I went with dad, mom, and Lu to play pickleball at Gilbert Regional, and I was actually doing so good! I have lots of room to grow, but I am catching on and improving!! Sunday evening, we had our CFM group over to watch Elder Holland's devotional, and the sister missionaries stopped by (like 30min late) to share a message with us. After they left, Jasen said he was going to stake choir and I asked if I could jump in his car and ride along with him, so we went to stake choir. On the way there, we practiced our duet and it sounded pretty good!! On the way home, I broached the topic of ice skating and was able to clear the air (at least on my side) about where we stood as friends because of something he had said a few weeks earlier. He was grateful that I cleared the air because he didn't even remember it and didn't mean it like how I took it, and I didn't hold any hard feelings towards him, but I was just confused. So, I'm glad I had the courage to speak up and clear that misunderstanding. I'm learning a lot about what friendship and different types of relationships look like. They really do teach you a lot about yourself and your insecurities and vulnerabilities.
I've been giving Valerie voice lessons, and I think she is enjoying it--at least she keeps attending every week. I am seeing small steps of progress each time, and I hope she is as well. Plus, it is good experience for me to better learn things about singing because I have to be able to explain and demonstrate it to my student. I've been watching this voice teacher on YouTube that has been super helpful: Victoria's Victorious Vocal Tips.
Gracelyn's been over a lot this week because Briesa has been working in Grandpa's spare bedroom so she can feed Gracelyn during her breaks, and then Aaron leaves the baby with us and goes out to clean totes and stuff. She has started teething and has been a bit grumpy lately, so it's been hard because she just cries a LOT. But when she's in a happy mood (usually in the morning or right after eating/napping), it's such a joy. Aaron brought over her play mat so we can use it to help keep her entertained and happy. They left it over and Valerie decided she wanted to be the baby... haha!
Also, I've been working on this painting for SO long, but I'm finally making some good progress! The mountains need more work, but I'm feeling pretty proud of the clouds!
Much love,
Emily Burnham
P.S. I wrote this on Sunday but forgot to post because I wanted to add in notes about whatever happened Sunday night, which I totally forgot about. Sorry!
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