Personal Growth

 20 February - 26 February 2023

Monday this week was President's Day! While a break for everyone else, I still had school in the morning for two hours. But a blessing was that both of my Monday clients canceled their appointments, so I had the rest of Monday off! Can I just say that those little breaks are such tender mercies right now? I'm pretty much living under the intern mentality, with every hour filling up and with any hour that's free, I have about a million things I could do or need to do, so I have to prioritize. I spent a big chunk of time compiling packets for my group home clients with resources I found on the internet. I'm very excited to see how they use these resources and if they find them helpful. Tuesday was working at the sign shop. I learned to use the big cutting machine that slices 4 by 8 feet boards into the sizes we need. It's only a tiny bit scary and mostly kind of fun. Wednesday and Thursday morning, I took Hudson to school, so I missed my workouts, but I made some extra money on the side, plus went to work an hour earlier, so I got to leave an hour earlier. Now that I'm working Wednesdays on top of Tuesdays and Thursdays, I have even less time available. Finding balance is a huge priority in my life right now, and I've actually given up on a lot of things that are unnecessary so I can have more time and energy for what matters most. I've also had to work hard to forgive myself this past week for stupid, small things like being TOO honest and straightforward in a text and feeling so dumb and horrible after. This week, a clear line of revelation came to my mind: Stop speaking from your insecurities. Also, I got to see the joy that balloons bring to Gracelyn. She LOVES playing with them and watching them fly around. What a cutie!

Look how loved and spoiled she is!!

I was pretty productive though, going shopping after work to get all the supplies for the fear factor FHE activity on Monday, including going to Sweetie's Candy shop to get bugs and scorpion suckers!!! Wednesday evening, I went to the temple in the evening to do initiatories. On Thursday evening, I went to institute in the evening. Friday was super duper busy with seeing a client at 11am, supervision at 12pm, group supervision from 1-2:30pm, a client at 2:30pm, and then a client at 3:30pm. I finished up my notes and made it home just after 6pm. The tender mercy was that I'd signed up to feed the missionaries Friday, but they had to cancel on me and I'm so grateful because it would have been even crazier. I worked on the FHE Jeopardy slides for the fear factor activity. 

Saturday morning, I left earlier than usual so I could get all my group home clients done earlier so I could make it to Becky's baby shower. I made it there! I started seeing clients at 8:30am, finished up around 1:30pm, then was on the road at 2:10pm and made it there just before 4pm. Woot woot! Then I went home and relaxed for a bit, but then we had grandma and grandpa Burnham over for dinner, and then Val and I left for our ward variety show, which turned out to be pretty great! Our skit was a highlight of the night! Val put together a video afterward, so check out this link if you want to see it: 

https://youtu.be/gw8JWg8j8CM

The winner of our skit:

Saturday night after the ward variety show, a small group met at Jasen's house to play games and go on their crazy epic swing. Sunday morning, I went to the stake offices to renew my temple recommend, but they were closed, so I drove all the way home and tried really hard not to feel so bitter and mad. Mostly because I was feeling in pain and sick, so I was just not a happy camper in general. But I did the things I needed to do, went to church, enjoyed dinner with family and the missionaries, and went to stake choir and even tried out for a solo part! Also, it was actually super nice not to be hosting CFM. Like, such a relief, not just to me, but to mom and my sister. Then I left early from stake choir because I was literally feeling like I was about to fall asleep. So I went home and went to bed.

So, that sums up my week. Oh, and just to mention something pretty cool that happened this week with one of my clients! He asked about my religious beliefs, so I actually taught a bit of the plan of salvation, but I tried being careful in how I said things so it wouldn't come across preachy or like I was trying to convert him (which is why I didn't invite him to go to church or read the Book of Mormon, even though I'd LOVE to). I told him I had to be careful with sharing my beliefs since I am in a position of power and influence as his therapist. So yeah, I'm getting to find small ways to share the gospel and help people progress. Like with my Saturday clients at the group home. I saw the smallest bits of progression that make me so happy! Like some of the clients opening up more, seeming comfortable talking with me, and even becoming a bit more self-aware.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Catfishers & Cougars

 13 February - 19 February 2023

I think this week was pretty great, but in all honesty, all I feel right now is sadness, regret, pain, and shame. So... this will be fun to write. But I've been putting it off all day, so I'm going to buckle down and do it! Here we go :)

Monday was a pretty typical day. I went to the gym, had my two-hour class, then went to my internship at Clear Counseling. I had two clients that day, and both sessions went pretty well. My confidence is growing in working with individuals. My teenage client loved the Valentine's fruit snacks gift I gave him. That evening, I went straight to FHE and spent the entire time in the kitchen cooking up waffles and then cleaning up in the kitchen while everyone wrote notes to the elderly, played games, and enjoyed eating the waffles. I really didn't mind though because I was tired emotionally from meeting with my clients. It really is fulfilling, and I feel blessed that therapy uses a lot of my natural strengths and talents, and it is also humbling and tiring. I hope I will be able to quickly or efficiently find balance. 

Tuesday was Valentine's Day, but it was mostly just like any other day. I did post a pretty epic Valentine's poem about Jesus on my Facebook page (yes, I found it online, but then re-wrote about half of it or more to make it better). I went to work, then came home to have things to do for my calling and therapy notes to fix up. I also dropped off a Valentine's gift that my mom made for my friend Jasen, and it was only a tiny bit awkward, so that's a win I guess, haha. 

Wednesday was very nice. I didn't have work or clients, so I could stay home all day. I went to an endowment session at noon, and it was PACKED! There was only one empty seat in the ENTIRE session. The back row of the men's section was all women. I absolutely love the new changes and updates in the presentation of the endowment because it really slows down and explains things much clearer and outlines things before going into it with more detail. It did feel a bit like I was going through for the first time, just watching in anticipation for what would happen next.

On Thursday, I went to work. Afterward, I had my second coaching session. For some reason, I was feeling a bit guarded and resistant. I didn't want to open up, and I am still not sure why... but I did make some progress and become self-aware of some of my beliefs and behaviors. I ended up going on a Mutual date that evening. Welp, I got catfished (not in a big way, but I am still unimpressed with the dating app, even after I thought I'd give it another go now that I feel so much more ready to date). We went to play pickleball, and I was kind and fun and authentic, and I was determined to be honest, so at the end of the date, I told him I did not want to go on more dates with him, but I really appreciated a fun night playing pickleball. He actually looked a bit taken aback, but then thanked me for being upfront and honest.

On Friday, I went to the gym and then left for my internship, where I had a supervision meeting and then met with two clients. One was virtual. The other was a new client, a little boy who was abused by his dad and uncle. He is such a sweety! It's definitely a learning curve for me to figure out the best ways to work with different age groups and populations, but you got to start somewhere! And I think I am doing pretty alright so far. I love checking in with my clients, asking how I can improve and better serve them, and I think that really helps our therapeutic relationship. That night, we found out that Lucy officially got into BYU, so we quickly blew up balloons and made some banners to surprise her when she got home from work. She didn't quite believe it, but I captured her excited reaction when she opened her email and saw the acceptance letter.

On Saturday, I left early for the group home in San Tan Valley. One of my patients had checked himself out earlier in the week (against medical advice), which was sad on the one hand, but on the other hand, I was grateful to have one less client because six clients in one day is quite a lot. I'm making some really good progress with my clients. They are finally really starting to open up and trust me! They're telling me traumatic events that happened to them and allowing me to feel that pain with them. It was both very emotional and very positive. That evening, I went to an endowment session with some sisters in the ward, then we went out for dinner at Costa Vida and had an enjoyable time chatting and talking.

Sunday, I got to sleep in! It's kind of like the week builds up on me and I'm just so tired on Sunday, no matter how much sleep I get. But I was able to go to church an hour early to attend a temple prep class early because the teacher texted me the night before and said she'd feel more comfortable with another endowed member there. That night was a party. Literally! It was Sean's birthday, so Sym and Sean came over. Cousin Sam also came. We rode unicycles around the neighborhood and then made pizzas. Sean had a friend come over. The pizzas were SO yummy. Then we had CFM study group (which turned out to be our last one because I've just been finding it overwhelming lately). Then I went to the last hour of stake choir.

Gracelyn LOVES balloons!

So, that was my week. It had a lot of emotional up and downs, and I think my client's pain and trauma is sitting with me in ways I don't fully consciously recognize, so I need to just take it extra easy on myself and also put God first in a more hardcore way. Wow, I just love God. He's so so good to me despite my evident weaknesses, shortcomings, and flaws. He is the reason I can overcome my shame and keep moving forward.

Much love, 

Emily Burnham

A very excited Jasen with his Valentine present

Boom Whack Whack!

 6 February - 12 February 2023

Well, this past week was a lot better! For one thing, I got to exercise every morning! And for some reason, after spending so much time watching K-dramas, I am craving fresher food, like vegetables. So I've been eating a bit healthier too! Seriously, it makes SUCH a big difference in my mental and emotional health.

On Monday, I got to meet with a new client. I was still pretty nervous, but I felt the session went well overall. Then I met with my teenage boy client, and I played the games my co-worker therapist had suggested, and it worked like a charm! He was much more open with his answers and seemed so much more engaged. He even scooted his chair up closer and smiled. We had a stake devotional about "How to not marry an axe murderer," and after discussing some of the highlights with my friend Whitney, I discovered he took a lot of the points from the book, "How to not fall in love with a jerk." It was such a good reminder to me, and the biggest takeaway was the quiz on his website, Conscious Dating, which was a Dating Readiness quiz. They talked about how, contrary to popular belief, not everyone is ready to date. I feel like I've felt this external (and internal) pressure from the moment I got home from my mission to date with the intent to marry. Well, I am now discovering that I was not ready at ALL for dating in that sense. I wish I didn't put so much pressure on myself, because I had terrible experiences and tons of anxiety. But, the past is behind me and I've learned a lot since then, and I now feel in a much healthier place to begin dating. On Tuesday and Thursday, I worked at KM Signs. They are really impressed with how fast I am picking things up and keeping up with the orders. It feels good and validating that they are glad they hired me and are impressed with my work. Also, I got to hold my adorable niece. She sure loves to slobber all over everyone and everything!

Wednesday was incredible because I didn't have anything all day, so I was able to get a lot of personal things done and take a rest from the demands of life. It kind of felt like a Saturday! Now that my Saturdays are crazy busy with seeing clients at the sober living group home in San Tan Valley, it was so nice to have a day to do what I wanted, which included watching lots of K-dramas ;). I absolutely LOVE Alchemy of Souls and the ending. I watched another show that had the main character from that show in it, and it was very different in a lot of ways, but still pretty good... but the ending was not as satisfying. Seriously, who fakes his death but then shows up after 5 years to the woman he loves? Grrrr. Lol. Anyway, Thursday night, I went to a RS activity where we made hearts to heart-attack people. I chose to heart attack Valerie (insert smug face here). I had an enjoyable time relaxing, creating hearts, talking with those around me, and just feeling at peace with myself. Oh, I guess I should mention that before the activity, I had a session with a life coach. It was the same lady who had come to speak at a RS activity about loving yourself and not expecting happiness from a relationship. She offered free coaching sessions, so I took her up on the opportunity and it was a really insightful experience as I discovered inner childhood wounds that I still carry that have fed my anxiety and expectations. I'm learning how to take care of those needs and soothe those wounds on my own and truly discover who I am and have been. It's been very healing and helpful. I was able to use this technique with some of my clients later in the week and it was actually super helpful! 

On Friday, I had my supervision meeting with Michele followed by a staff meeting/group supervision. Then I had an appointment. Right after that appointment, I had a new client come in person, so I had a first session with her. It went pretty good overall, and while I see a lot of room for improvement, I am beyond grateful for the growth in my confidence, which has enabled me to present as a better therapist, more sure of myself, which puts the clients at ease because my anxiety isn't in the way. That night, I played Betrayal (finally!!!) with my sisters. Wow, it is so complex! We spent an hour on the game and didn't even get halfway done! On Saturday, I was so inspired in the morning about how to connect with my clients at the group home. I brought the "Ungame" card game that had worked well with my teenage client, but then I had the idea to bring cards, stickers, and crafty stuff for them to make Valentine's cards. The game worked really well with half of my clients, and the crafting worked well with one or two of my other clients. They opened up and smiled and participated in ways they haven't before, so it makes me more excited to continue to think of creative ways to connect and bond with them in creative ways. Of course, not all the clients opened up or progressed. I felt like one kind of digressed. But hey, life has its daily and weekly ups and downs, but progress is still being made! But the best part of the day was that one of my clients who had been pretty closed off had a complete turnaround. He saw therapy as a "Do I have to come? I don't need it. You're just trying to get in my head." So last session, I just job-hunted with him because that was the only goal and need he would say. Well, when I came, he was dressed up nicely and had a job interview lined up! He was so excited and had helped the building manager clean my office and make it nice for me. He gave me a picture his brother had drawn for him. He also asked if he could get me chocolate for Valentine's Day! (I told him I wasn't eating sweets right now but would appreciate some more lemons, which he happily picked for me). What a good day! Then after I got home, Lucy and I went to play pickleball (I am terrible. I need SO much more practice, cuz I signed us up for a church tournament!! Yikes...).

Sunday was really good. I looked SO cute in my pink/peach dress and sparkly gold shoes. My hair and makeup looked gorgeous. I should have gotten a picture... oh well. Church went by really quickly and I stayed after for linger longer and went around and talked with a lot of different people and had meaningful conversations. Then we had a yummy dinner. We changed our talent for the variety show, so we are doing a skit instead of boom whackers, so we brought the boom whackers over to CFM to play after we studied, and everyone had a fun time! So yeah, life is all good in the hood!

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Quarter of a Century

 30 January - 5 February 2023

This past week, I turned a quarter of a century years old! I'm so ancient, I know! ;). It was actually a pretty rough week, but the biggest blessing was that I recognized why and can improve this week. So, basically, I had a terrible diet because I let myself eat sugar all week for my birthday. I have been off of sugar this whole year with the exception that I can eat it on my birthday/birthday celebration, so I had a lot of sugar. On top of that, I missed my morning exercise because I was babysitting overnight for a family and had to drive one of the kids to school every morning. Not only was I gone during the time that I usually go to the gym with my mom, but my mom also had surgery so she was out of commission for the whole week as well. Not working out had such an effect on my body. It was so achy and poppy all week! And then eating sugar definitely impacted my mood and well-being as well. I was more moody, more tired, more emotional. All the fun stuff... but I'm already doing so much better now that I'm back off sugar and am back to exercising!

On Monday, I had class in the morning. I had to join from my car on the way back from driving Hudson to school. I went to my internship that afternoon, and because I went early, I recorded some videos for my channel. I love that I have my own office with a gorgeous background and I can use it for filming! It makes my videos turn out so much better! Then I met with a client, which was a bit rough because I had a hard time getting him to open up to me. But I talked with one of my co-therapists, Kari, and she gave me tons of good feedback and advice. Then I left straight for FHE, where we played real-life Clue. I went to the Hughes' house right after and spent the night in Brynn's room. I've been trying to say morning and/or evening prayers with them, which was really such a tender experience. I've also gotten woken up a couple of times due to the boys worrying about their dog... lol. She looks so innocent, tho! You wouldn't know what a trouble maker she is ;)

On Tuesday (happy birthday to me), I drove Hudson to school and then went home and had leftover bday cake for breakfast. I then drove out to work, and everyone said happy birthday! And my boss and his family took me out for a birthday lunch. It was really sweet. I am enjoying my new job a LOT. I seriously feel so blessed. I returned some things at Kohls and then was home for an hour before I went to pick up the Hughes boys for dinner at Red Robin, where we ate and celebrated my birthday. We had SO many fries! I LOVE bottomless fries!!!! Yum, yum. But I may have eaten too many... (no such thing, right? ...hehe...). Aaron and Briesa stopped by that evening to drop off my birthday present, and they brought the baby, so Ben and Hudson got to meet her. Ben was SO happy after seeing and interacting with the baby. It was quite adorable. 

Here's an adorable picture of my niece that Val took this week: 

On Wednesday, I got ready for the temple so that right after dropping Hudson off at school, I could go straight to the temple to do an Endowment session. It was a peaceful and restful experience. I went home, ate lunch, interviewed a classmate for school, then spent the entire rest of the day relaxing. I was supposed to do school work, but I just wasn't feeling up to it and wanted to sleep and/or watch a show, so I decided to take it easy, especially since I'd been so busy on my actual birthday and hadn't gotten to relax. I watched some episodes of Alchemy of Souls (my new favoritest show) and then went to bed early. On Thursday, I was able to go straight in to work after dropping Hudson off at school, which was a huge blessing because his school is so close to where I work that it wasn't worth having to drive all the way home and then back. The birthday wishes have been coming in all week, so I felt very loved. Work was pretty enjoyable. I feel like I am getting the hang of things pretty well and that my bosses like me. Thursday night, I was a bit of an emotional wreck and sobbed so hard that I had a killer headache the next couple of days... yikes. Crushes are the worst, that's all I can say. 

I found out that crying makes your eyes look bigger!

On Friday, I had a supervision meeting with Michele where we went over proper note-taking. Then I met with a client. Then I went home so I could go out with dad to sell my laptop to a guy. Yay, I finally sold it!! I'd also been praying for more clients at work, and THREE more fell into my lap (or should I say, calendar). From my psychology today profile. #blessings. Now I just need to start praying for some relational hours! That evening, I was so out of it. So tired and exhausted and stressed and overwhelmed. But my mom had planned a little surprise for me. They made pizzas and invited over Jasen to eat pizza and play games with us. Even Sean was there! I was so surprised and a bit stressed, but eventually, I just leaned into enjoying the night. We played the new game Jasen got me for my birthday, Bohnanza, which was super fun. Plus, it helped that I won it! ;). He'd also gotten me Harry Potter binder clips and an Aux cord for my car. And he wrote me a super sweet note.

I was so tired Saturday morning, but I got up at 6:30am to start my day and get things done. I went to Touch Angels to meet with clients all day. The tender mercy was that one of my clients refused to meet with me, so I got to go home an entire hour early! I ate food and then had to buckle down to finish homework assignments that I hadn't gotten to yet. I finished everything around 8pm and then stayed up watching Alchemy of Souls SUPER late (...or should I say, early). I just have one more episode to go!!!!!!! EEEK!!!! AHHH!!!! UKKKKK!!!! Lol. Who knew I'd get this into K-dramas? Sunday was good. I was a bit tired and groggy, but did good. We had a yummy dinner (Costa Vida copycat) and then CFM. Then I went to stake choir and had an EPIC time! They are singing some really cool gospely-vibe songs that just left me feeling so uplifted and excited. So yeah, that was my week!

Much love,

Emily Burnham