13 February - 19 February 2023
I think this week was pretty great, but in all honesty, all I feel right now is sadness, regret, pain, and shame. So... this will be fun to write. But I've been putting it off all day, so I'm going to buckle down and do it! Here we go :)
Monday was a pretty typical day. I went to the gym, had my two-hour class, then went to my internship at Clear Counseling. I had two clients that day, and both sessions went pretty well. My confidence is growing in working with individuals. My teenage client loved the Valentine's fruit snacks gift I gave him. That evening, I went straight to FHE and spent the entire time in the kitchen cooking up waffles and then cleaning up in the kitchen while everyone wrote notes to the elderly, played games, and enjoyed eating the waffles. I really didn't mind though because I was tired emotionally from meeting with my clients. It really is fulfilling, and I feel blessed that therapy uses a lot of my natural strengths and talents, and it is also humbling and tiring. I hope I will be able to quickly or efficiently find balance.
Tuesday was Valentine's Day, but it was mostly just like any other day. I did post a pretty epic Valentine's poem about Jesus on my Facebook page (yes, I found it online, but then re-wrote about half of it or more to make it better). I went to work, then came home to have things to do for my calling and therapy notes to fix up. I also dropped off a Valentine's gift that my mom made for my friend Jasen, and it was only a tiny bit awkward, so that's a win I guess, haha.
Wednesday was very nice. I didn't have work or clients, so I could stay home all day. I went to an endowment session at noon, and it was PACKED! There was only one empty seat in the ENTIRE session. The back row of the men's section was all women. I absolutely love the new changes and updates in the presentation of the endowment because it really slows down and explains things much clearer and outlines things before going into it with more detail. It did feel a bit like I was going through for the first time, just watching in anticipation for what would happen next.
On Thursday, I went to work. Afterward, I had my second coaching session. For some reason, I was feeling a bit guarded and resistant. I didn't want to open up, and I am still not sure why... but I did make some progress and become self-aware of some of my beliefs and behaviors. I ended up going on a Mutual date that evening. Welp, I got catfished (not in a big way, but I am still unimpressed with the dating app, even after I thought I'd give it another go now that I feel so much more ready to date). We went to play pickleball, and I was kind and fun and authentic, and I was determined to be honest, so at the end of the date, I told him I did not want to go on more dates with him, but I really appreciated a fun night playing pickleball. He actually looked a bit taken aback, but then thanked me for being upfront and honest.
On Friday, I went to the gym and then left for my internship, where I had a supervision meeting and then met with two clients. One was virtual. The other was a new client, a little boy who was abused by his dad and uncle. He is such a sweety! It's definitely a learning curve for me to figure out the best ways to work with different age groups and populations, but you got to start somewhere! And I think I am doing pretty alright so far. I love checking in with my clients, asking how I can improve and better serve them, and I think that really helps our therapeutic relationship. That night, we found out that Lucy officially got into BYU, so we quickly blew up balloons and made some banners to surprise her when she got home from work. She didn't quite believe it, but I captured her excited reaction when she opened her email and saw the acceptance letter.
On Saturday, I left early for the group home in San Tan Valley. One of my patients had checked himself out earlier in the week (against medical advice), which was sad on the one hand, but on the other hand, I was grateful to have one less client because six clients in one day is quite a lot. I'm making some really good progress with my clients. They are finally really starting to open up and trust me! They're telling me traumatic events that happened to them and allowing me to feel that pain with them. It was both very emotional and very positive. That evening, I went to an endowment session with some sisters in the ward, then we went out for dinner at Costa Vida and had an enjoyable time chatting and talking.
Sunday, I got to sleep in! It's kind of like the week builds up on me and I'm just so tired on Sunday, no matter how much sleep I get. But I was able to go to church an hour early to attend a temple prep class early because the teacher texted me the night before and said she'd feel more comfortable with another endowed member there. That night was a party. Literally! It was Sean's birthday, so Sym and Sean came over. Cousin Sam also came. We rode unicycles around the neighborhood and then made pizzas. Sean had a friend come over. The pizzas were SO yummy. Then we had CFM study group (which turned out to be our last one because I've just been finding it overwhelming lately). Then I went to the last hour of stake choir.
So, that was my week. It had a lot of emotional up and downs, and I think my client's pain and trauma is sitting with me in ways I don't fully consciously recognize, so I need to just take it extra easy on myself and also put God first in a more hardcore way. Wow, I just love God. He's so so good to me despite my evident weaknesses, shortcomings, and flaws. He is the reason I can overcome my shame and keep moving forward.
Much love,
Emily Burnham
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