Balanced Week

 20 March - 26 March 2023

It's amazing to think back on this week and realize God's hand in it, even as I was feeling sick and wondered some days if he was answering my prayers to get better. So, the previous week I'd started feeling like I was coming down with a sore throat, but it honestly wasn't bad enough to hinder my day to day activities, except for that I didn't sing so I didn't aggravate it or cough. I felt a bit tired a couple of the days and went home and slept more than usual, but otherwise was fine. Then on Sunday we talked about the purpose of miracles being to have the strength and direction needed to carry on God's work, NOT as a sign. And I thought, "Great! I don't want it as a sign, I want it as a strength so I can keep doing all that is required of me." So I prayed to get better. Well, after that prayer the next morning, I woke up and did feel a little more spark of energy, and I got super excited, but then as the morning progressed, I was back to coughing and having a sore throat and slightly plugged ears. Then, in the middle of class, after eating some muffins I'd made the day before, I started getting intense stomach pain and hot flashes. I left class to run downstairs... and throw everything up in the toilet. Blah. So, then I had to cancel my therapy appointments for the day (except I kept one that was via telehealth) but I had four others that I was not feeling up to, plus some in person that were just not going to work out. So then Tuesday I felt nauseous and dry-heaved a bit in the morning, but at least I didn't throw up for the rest of the week. The rest of the week, I slowly, VERY SLOWLY, started feeling a bit better each day, but still evidently sick. However, Besides canceling those appointments on Monday, I was able to do everything I needed this past week even while being sick, which is actually a huge miracle. I was able to work for the sign shop from home on Tuesday and Wednesday. Wednesday, I had one in-person client that I had rested up to see for one hour, then got to go straight home. Thursday I was feeling up to going in person to work, and that was the only thing I had to do that day. I had a client and supervision meeting that were held over Zoom on Friday, then was able to relax. Then on Saturday, I was able to conduct all my sessions via Telehealth and was done by noon and had the ENTIRE rest of the Saturday to do what I wanted for the first time all year! Plus, I'm in the middle of my three-week break between quarters in school, so I didn't have to worry about any pressing assignments. So, moral of the story, God's hand has been in my life, making sure I felt up for what I was required to handle, and while I didn't feel 100%, I wasn't required to give 100% effort. I was able to have enough energy for what absolutely needed to be done, and then I had the ability to rest, sleep, and take it easy. I hate being sick, and I usually will say that I make a terrible "sick person" because I get restless and suffer from guilt for not doing anything, but this past week, I had NO guilt over needing to sleep and take it easy. I could actually find internal rest. After last week's Sunday School lesson about finding rest in Christ, I realized that is the answer to when I am feeling antsy and anxious, like I need to be doing something, yet nothing sounds like it will solve the anxious feeling I'm having, so I don't do any of it but keep searching for what to do. The answer is seeking out Christ's promised rest. And Saturday night, when I started feeling a bit antsy being in my room, I just went out shopping by myself (for some crackers and a candle for my office) and I talked with God while driving there and then just focused on what I needed to buy, smelling TONS of candles and just letting the good scents relax me. And I found a new favorite scent, called Starlit Skies, and it's a mix of blood orange, jasmine, and sandalwood. It's slightly sweet, so very slightly musky yet fresh, and just very peaceful. Saturday night, I got to go to Analee's homecoming event, and I really enjoyed seeing and talking to all the Schultz's family. Plus, I got to see my cutey niece this week, and she has gotten SO big and loves squealing and laughing and moving around like crazy.

This is a painting I started in one sitting, and it turned out okay, but I'm completely re-doing it, so you'll have to compare this to the final product and see how much growth/change occured.

She is so curious, puts everything in her mouth, slobbers a lot...

And has just the cutest big eyes and facial expressions.

Found this lovely image of Christ this week that I will leave here for you to enjoy:

Sunday was awesome! We had some powerful testimonies shared in sacrament meeting. I was super social despite feeling really exhausted/tired. I got to see all my friends and was so glad I was feeling better and could go to church. I was so happy to see my friend Jasen, who was called as the Sunday School president. Valerie was released from her calling!

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Inner Confidence and Peace

 13 March - 19 March 2023

I've grown sooo much in the past year! As I read through my "tough" journal (literally, a journal I keep to record my breakdowns and most difficult breakthroughs, and it has a picture of Christ suffering in Gethsemene on the front), I realize how much I've finally been able to internalize and incorporate beliefs and knowledge into my life, replacing unhealthy and unrealistic perspectives with ones that make me more centered, grounded, healthy, and happy! I've come so far. I don't feel guilty for needing to take a rest and cancel plans when I'm sick. I'm not waiting for some future thing to happen before I can be happy. I'm more peaceful in day-to-day moments, not swamped with anxiety. When I do feel anxiety, my thought process to handle it is so much better. And... I have SUCH a healthier perception of dating and marriage, to the point where I think I have actually made huge steps forward (if not completely overcome) my dating anxiety. I am not so attuned to other people's emotions to dictate how I feel in general or about certain things. I am able to feel content and peaceful even as other people feel grumpy or mad. And I start to recognize if I'm picking up on others' anxiety and consciously go somewhere else or do something to help keep me grounded. I am truly coming to believe that I can be as happy as is physically and emotionally and spiritually possible on my own, with my Savior and Father. Not by turning outward and seeking validation or reassurance. I can be happy if people disagree with my opinions. It's GOOD to have differences, to like different things. It's good that people can stand up against you and your preferences. Be stubborn. It means they know what they want and will stick with it. They will not give in to pressure from others, and you do not ever have to feel responsible for their decisions or for pushing them. They are their own person, on their own journey, and you get to simply see them for who they are, love them for where they're at, and have patience and compassion as they work through their own journey, even while knowing you can independently make yourself happy and content. Your heart is big enough to love yourself as you are and to love others for who they are. I'm more grounded this way because I'm not relying on others for my worth or happiness or value. I'm lovable just the way I am, and I have teams of angels helping me, and I get to be blessed to be part of others' journeys, and for them to be part of my journey. But I get to choose what I take from them. Just as they choose what to take from me. It's not their responsibility to change me or uplift me. It's mine. And I get to choose what advice and emotions and interactions will be positive to accept into my life, and I get to toss aside things that are untrue, rude, unkind, and limiting. And vice versa. It is not solely on my shoulders to give them everything they need or save them or fix them or force them to listen or accept my help. I can offer it out of a place of love and concern, but then respect their agency to accept or reject what I've offered, AND it's my choice not to let that rejection hurt me, because truly, their actions are more of a reflection on them than on me. They are going through their own trials and difficult places, and my only response (one that I choose every day) is to love them. To love them at their weak moments, to love them when they're broken, to love them when they're crying or stubborn or ungrateful. And that love comes from Christ. He sustains me and helps me to love myself and to see His holy way of loving others unconditionally. 

So, yeah. Wow. I'm in a much holier and healthier place emotionally and spiritually and even physically than I've ever been (not to say everything is perfect or the best it could be, but... it doesn't need to be for me to be so grateful and happy). 

Annyyywaaaayyy... on to my week! I survived my last week of classes (easy peasy, since I did all the work the week before) and have been doing well with my internship. My supervisor has been both impressed and very grateful with all the clients I've been getting and keeping. Whenever I start to doubt myself, I just think, "Well, they keep coming back, so I must be doing something right!" Work has been stressful because our printer is still broken, even though they've ordered lots of new parts! We've had to sub-contract out the work so we can keep our clients, and they went with this kinda sketchy-looking dude with a ghetto shop and the signs did not come back as great quality as we were hoping, but it'll do for now. Lots of prayers that our printer is fixable and starts running again soon! I also started coming down sick this week with a sore throat, and God was so good. I feel so blessed that things fell through the cracks (like clients I was supposed to see, or me being needed at work) so I could have extra time to sleep and rest. Though, my road to recovery stretches on, considering just this morning I was throwing up my guts... oh well. This too will pass. And the best thing is that even as I'm not feeling all that good, I'm still able to have some great interactions with other people. I met a cool new friend named McKenna, and I got to talk to Giselle some more, learn about her and have some funny moments with her at church. And Jasen got back from his trip to Europe and got me a souvenier! How sweet! It was mini packs of tic tacs (that guy is obsessed with miniature things!) and a little music box that plays a Harry Potter song (so cute!!!). I truly am so blessed by my Heavenly Father and have amazing people in my life.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

This week for FHE, we went bowling. I got to talk to lots of people and make it super fun!

FSYA & Open House

 6 March - 12 March 2023

Monday morning was typical: gym time with mom, two hours of class, then I drove over to Mesa for a group supervision meeting with the people that run the group home. Then I rushed over to my internship to meet with three clients. The therapy sessions went pretty well. I am especially loving working with my 18-year-old female client. I love that she wants to soak up knowledge and is seeing how things apply to her. I really do love the young adult population. That evening, Val and I put on the FSYA activity (which was kinda a knock-off of FSY. Instead of "For the Strength of Youth," we made it, "For the Strength of Young Adults" and did all the games and some dances and team-building activities). I think the turnout could have been better, but overall it was perfect. Val had grandpa make a big poster for it, we handed out wristbands, and we all did our best to get our groups HYPED. Val said I was the best counselor there. I'm not the most energetic person ever, but when it comes to FSY and making it an enjoyable and memorable experience for others, I really do go all out. I also low-key kinda lost my voice the next day. Just a smidge. Our cheer won the contest! Our group name was Pillar of Fire and we sang the first couple lines of "Ring of Fire" substituting pillar for ring, and it was pretty epic. I made them all get up on the stage and take the microphone, and they had a little dance that went with it. I did not come up with any of it. That's the best part! Seeing the group get into it! Plus they made a pretty epic banner!

Tuesday through Thursday at work was both chill and stressful. So, my boss Kelly was very anxious because the maintenance guys came to check up on the printer, and after they left, it stopped working properly, and they weren't able to fix it the whole week! (I still don't know if it has been fixed... 0.o). So we have over 80 signs that need to be printed and some people that needed them rushed... and the printer is just sitting there. This also means that the magnets and stickers and signs that Clear Counseling ordered for the Open House weren't gonna happen. Fortunately, I was still able to think of an alternative solution. We'd ordered the 36 by 24 A-frames, which came with corrugated plastic inserts, and my grandpa has a printer that can print 24 inches wide, so we spent over an hour playing with the settings and trying to figure out how to print it the correct size, and we were able to print them on paper. Then I took them in on Friday and taped them onto the plastic boards. They won't hold up for long, but they worked marvelously in a pinch to have for Friday evening's Open House.

I got a massage after work on Tuesday, which was nice, but the relief and relaxation lasted a day, and I'm back to feeling pinched nerves/tense. Mom says that once I actually start to get paid for all my work, I can afford to get a massage every month! During my "free time" this week, (between work and seeing clients and attending meetings), I had to work on a giant essay that is due this week. I was not happy about writing it, and I actually just wrote the bare minimum possible. But somehow I still got 100% and the teacher said I set the bar very high. I'm just relieved to have class and hw assignments over with for the next couple of weeks, because I'm already juggling what feels like a full-time job (just one where I don't get paid). But such is intern life. I'm already at 70 hours of direct contact with clients (aka therapy sessions). The hours really do build up! But I need waayyy more relational hours. I'm going to need to start getting creative. So, the Open House was a success. We had plenty of food (and plenty of leftovers). It was the first time my family got to see where I work, and even the Hughes family came, and my friend Charly. Plus, Denae and her fiance came, and it was the fist time I got to meet him. The Hughes LOVED the place, especially the two little boys, who now really want to go to therapy just to play in the play therapy room! Lol. And my family was impressed and pleased with how nice everything there is. It really does exude peace and calm, and it makes me want to have a beautiful, soothing home of my own one day, with decorations that bring joy and content feelings. Me and the other therapists stayed late to help clean up. My mom and sister said that everyone just raved about how awesome I am, how much they really like me, and how they learn a lot from me, which made me feel really good. I'm just doing the best I can, and it's nice to hear that my best is enough :). 

Saturday was spent at the group home, followed by me coming home to finish my essay, though I did get a bit distracted by a certain cute little niece... she LOVES balloons! She just face-plants on them and tries to eat them! It's quite hilarious and adorable. Sunday, I taught Relief Society, and it went pretty well. I think the Lord really helped bring the spirit and give me the strength to put together a slide show with different quotes. Denae wasn't able to make it to church because she was feeling sick. I also got called this week and offered a solo part for the stake Easter Cantata, but I said I couldn't make the 2pm showing and would only be able to do the 7pm. They said they'd get back with me to see if that would be okay, but they ended up just giving the part to someone else. It makes me feel super good that I was chosen and wanted for the solo part, even though it ended up not working out (due to ALL my Saturdays at the sober living group home... hooray...). It takes up a good chunk of my day, but I am enjoying the experience I am gaining and the lessons I'm learning. Seeing my clients progress is so rewarding.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Momentous Missionary Moments

 27 February - 5 March 2023

I put on FHE Monday night and everyone had a grand time! We did Fear Factor jeopardy style. I split everyone into two teams, and each side sent up a representative to choose a category and amount (with higher numbers = grosser things). I was behind a whiteboard (which was used as the screen for the projector), prepping the food onto plates. Man, did it stink back there once I opened up the seafood cans!!!! Bluh!!!! They had a buzzer they had to hit when they were done and Caleb helped me with checking their mouths to make sure they really ate it all, changing the slides, and carrying the food from the stage to the people. 

After work on Wednesday, I went to the temple to do initiatories. Unfortunately, going felt more like checking a box than a spiritual experience, though I still did feel peace in the temple. I know it is the house of the Lord, a holy and sacred place, though sometimes I get so caught up in work or internship or other things that it feels overwhelming to attend the temple and then I feel guilty about that. But the good thing is that I'm not beating myself up about that anymore, because that's just part of life. Some weeks may feel like that, but I'm still learning and growing and trying my best. I worked on Wednesday as well, then went straight to my internship and saw three clients back-to-back (and on Monday I saw two clients, one of which was new). Can I just say, I am loving therapy because I am getting to see my clients grow and make realizations and become more peaceful and excited about insights. I love working with my 18-year-old client for that exact reason! She is so expressive and open about all of that (whereas, some of my other clients are much more subtle or withdrawn, but still making some good progress! Especially some at the group home). I also started meeting with a couple, my FIRST couple!! And it was tricky, but also easier in some ways, because there is already an inherent goal: assessing and working on the relationship. Sometimes meeting with individuals, the goals can become convoluted or lost.

Work on Thursday was surprisingly busy. I was designing all day long! I'm excited that my internship site wants to order signs, and after talking with my supervisor, they even want to order magnets and stickers! After work, I stopped by my old workplace and saw Denae and all my other co-workers and invited them to the open house, plus dropped off some business cards. Also, all the books I ordered arrived this week, three of them having to do with dating... hehe. My favorite one so far is titled, "How to Get a Date Worth Keeping" and it has a side note on it that says, "Be dating in six months or your money back!" Well, I started reading it in the beginning of March, so we'll have to see if I'm dating in August or else I better request my money back! ;). On Friday, I met with my supervisor, saw one client, then met again with my supervisor to talk because I had so many questions about clients and the best way to help them.

Saturday morning, I drove down to the sober living group home in San Tan Valley to meet with clients there. I was supposed to see six of them, but one was on "pass" (they had the weekend off and were not there) and the other refused to see me (which kinda hurt for a second, like made me wonder if I did something wrong, but then I shrugged it off and was just grateful I got to leave earlier than expected, go home, and crash on my bed). Also, I am now seeing a woman with schizophrenia and major trust issues and trauma, and she did not really want to be there, but I at least got her to agree to see me for fifteen minutes the next week, and I'm hoping to slowly build up trust and a relationship with her. After going home and having an hour and half break, I went to Giselle's baptism. I'd invited Denae, and she was actually super excited about coming, saying she'd never seen a baptism before. So she came, and had a great experience! And she came to church on Sunday and had a great time and told me she wants to keep coming every week! Valerie's speech at the baptism about welcoming Giselle to the Relief Society, the largest women's society in the world, really spoke to Denae. We also had a linger-longer bagel bar/break-the-fast, which Denae stayed for. She really liked talking with the missionaries! And she felt the Spirit and felt so uplifted. It was awesome! And the thing is, it's not like I'm doing anything differently. I'm still living my life and sharing the gospel, but she was ready. She was the elect and ready to hear it and act on it.

God is good, and I'm grateful for the Spirit and strength and healing that I have felt this past week. And grateful for a cute niece who makes everything better.

Much love,

Emily Burnham