Feeding Starving Children

 22 May - 28 May 2023

On Monday, I met with four clients. It's interesting how some sessions are really draining and others leave me feeling so energized. I think a huge part is whether or not they make some good, evident progress. Val and I went to Feed My Starving Children for Family Home Evening with our ward, and I really admire what they do and how they are faith-based. I'd love to donate to their cause regularly when I make money from my career. 

Tuesday was busy busy at work. We have a huge order in that has taken WEEKS and will continue to take weeks to get through. Tuesday evening, I attended the missionary's lesson with Kimberly, and we went on a scavenger hunt. I met with three clients after work on Wednesday, and my absolute favorite was a session I had with a mother and her 13-year-old daughter. I love working with two or more people because you get to address what is happening IN the room and bring it to their awareness and help facilitate conversation. Lucy graduated Thursday evening... and like a good sister, she did not make me go or watch! ;) They got ice cream to eat together in celebration. On Friday, I saw two clients at the group home and then had supervision with Michele via Zoom and we watched a video of one of my sessions with a couple, and she had pretty much only really great things to say. I think she was impressed with how much I've improved. On Saturday, I attended the 7am endowment session again, and one of the temple workers recognized me by then and said, "Thanks for making this a regular part of your schedule." Haha, I was planning on that being my last time and then doing inititories next time... so she will think I'm ditching... but oh well. I'll just alternate my weeks. But Saturday in the temple was most definitely the highlight of my week because I received the most sacred revelation that has filled me with this peace and confidence and assurance that I've lacked my whole life. God is so good, and He has taught me so much as I've made an effort to attend the temple and try to get something from it. Saturday night, I attended my friend Amber's birthday party. We had pizza and talked (I brought my own GF pizza). I was surprised by how long I stayed and chatted, considering I wasn't feeling all that well. A couple of people kept asking me lots of questions about therapy, and I was telling quite a bit of stories. I also posted a video on my new YouTube channel! I am proud of the progress I am making, even if it's small. Sunday was great. I had a stress-free sacrament meeting, no worries about trying to impress any boys, and then relief society. I had a stake activities committee meeting and ran it, and my co-chair said it was the best meeting he'd ever been to! I was so so so so happy with how it turned out and my group's willingness to build connections and become friends and then take that unity and closeness back into their wards. I have this whole vision that came to my mind, and I know it is of God, and I'm so excited and grateful for the impact I can make in the stake.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Gracelyn's been eating more and more solids! And her hair is slowly but surely coming in!

Silly String War

 15 May - 21 May 2023

Wow, just one more week (basically) left of the month, then summer is officially here... though it feels like it's already prime summertime. It's been getting in the high 90s, and I know it only has hotter to go... and I'm not ready for it (insert bawling emoji here). But I'll survive, I guess. On Monday, three of my four clients canceled, so I actually had a lot of unexpected free time, and I started working hardcore on starting up my social media platforms! I watched a video about how a therapist created a channel and makes a lot of her income from that, so she doesn't have to worry about her income dipping when clients cancel on her or when she takes maternity leave. Plus, she says she then has an audience to buy her "products" (such as courses or books) AND people offer her speaking gigs, which are two aspects I would absolutely love to get into. So, I created and linked my Instagram, Facebook, Youtube, and TikTok and started working on content. I've actually been investing a good chunk of time into it, and I hope I achieve or surpass my goals of subscribers and making a difference in the world. I'm really just throwing myself out there and hoping good things happen! Monday night, we had FHE silly string war, and it was pretty fun! I got some gnarly bruises from running into the stacks of hanging chairs.

On Wednesday, I got to meet with my first family! Anddd... it was a family of seven! I had an absolute blast and left feeling hyped and so good. I decided I really enjoy working with families and want to do that a lot more than individuals and maybe even couples. It was so fun joining with the dynamics of the family, and there was so much to pull from because of all their interactions with each other.

Caught my parents matching again!!

This little cutie is getting so big! She's poppin' lots of teeth! Still loves to eat everything!

Friday night, I went to teach a lesson with the missionaries to Kimberly. They were really grateful for my input and testifying, saying I had some really great questions and brought a good spirit. It's just so fascinating how I really have improved in reading people, knowing what to ask them and how to ask them questions to help them open up and explore their thoughts and feelings. 

I went to the temple Saturday morning and then to a baptism. That night, I attended our ward pool party but didn't swim. Just socialized for a bit and hung around the pool. I've been super tired this week, my best guess is from my diet, so it's been hard to be more upbeat and social and aware when I'm feeling foggy and drudgy. 

Sunday, I attended an 8:30am meeting for my new stake calling, so yay for that. It was good, though, and I got some things done when I got home. We had the most delicious linger longer after church--taco bar. Then I helped with dinner because mom wasn't feeling good and needed to lay down.

Best,

Emily Burnham

Creating Planets

8 May - 14 May 2023

Monday evening for FHE, we had a country dancing night, and I stayed for the first half, but as soon as the line dancing started, I dipped out of there real quick. I was partnered with a girl because (surprise, surprise) the girls outnumbered the boys AND no guy asked me to dance (I was going to ask a guy that I feel comfortable around, but another girl asked him first, so there went all my courage). But I danced with a really sweet girl and we made it a fun time! Also, my parents got their T-mobile Tuesday hats, so I snapped a picture of them wearing their matching hats for posterity:

Wednesday I had a cool session where a child's father came into the session for the first time, and it was so insightful and went from a very light and playful beginning to a heavy and tearful end (on the dad's part). It was really cool and helped me gain a lot of insight about the son and mom. In fact, I think four of my clients cried in sessions this week, which was really good and needed. I pushed a couple of them a bit and was gratified to see some walls break down and some commitment to improve develop.

We got our new machines at work, and the guy came on Thursday to train us how to use them. It was a loonnnnngggggg day. I was grateful that my boss Mike got us lunch, because I was getting super hungry (okay, so I dropped a small hint and he was more than happy to get everyone lunch...hehe). But I worked 8.5 hours that day! I learned three new machines and it was pretty overwhelming, but at least I wasn't the only one who had to learn them and all the pressure won't be on me. But when I got home a little after five, I was so wiped that I ended up going up to bed at 6:30pm to take a "nap" but then actually ended up falling asleep throughout the night and slept til 6:30am. Guess I really needed the sleep!

Friday, I went to the office in Mesa to meet with my three clients from the group home, and the sessions went well. I did some art therapy with two of them and played games with the other one. Then I met up with my mom for lunch at Garcias and bought her lunch for her Mother's Day gift. That evening, I had an intense session with a couple over Zoom. They were literally in the same house but in two different rooms on different devices (the husband said it was so he wouldn't cut off his wife while she was speaking, which I think it did help with that, for the most part), but it was just a lot of emotions and heavy topics. I was fine, I think I just took 30 minutes after to process while I ate something, but then I wrote up my notes and moved on, watching the Mandalorian until bedtime.

On Saturday, I went to the temple for the 7am endowment session, and it was actually so incredible! I much prefer going first thing in the morning to going in the afternoon or evening. First of all, I'm more alert and awake, not having to fight the urge to nap or sleep or rest my eyes. Also, it's less stressful because I know I have the full rest of the day to do whatever I need to do and it'll work out well because I prioritized God first thing, so my time is magnified and not wasted. But I was humbled and pleasantly surprised by how much revelation poured into my mind during that session, which not only made the time go by faster, but it also helped me realize what I've been missing out on when I go just to go and not to truly and sincerely learn. I attended Paige's baptism at 11am, which was a beautiful service, and I am looking forward to getting to know her better! That afternoon, I went with my sisters to Jasen's house to do spray paint art. We made galaxy masterpieces! I was pleasantly surprised by how easy it was to make something that turned out quite beautiful, even with the mistakes. I feel like it's something I could get the hang of quickly and get really good at. It was a cool experience, even accidentally flaming my hand XD. But it all worked out :). I really liked how my planets turned out, especially the orangy-colored one because there wasn't any orange spray paint, only yellow and red, but I was able to make orange!

My mom had the best Mother's Day ever! We all pitched in and worked hard to make sure she was pampered. Lucy gave her a foot massage, I fed her fancy chocolate, Val planned out dinner. I helpd make the guacamole and Spanish rice, and dad grilled the steak for the carne asada tacos. Symantha, Sean, Aaron, Brie, the baby, and Grandpa Jim were all in attendance along with the rest of us who still live at home. Delicious! Plus, church was really good. I went early for FHE committee meeting, and then I left to go meet a girl the sister missionaries started teaching, Kimberly. I got to sit in on the tail end of the lesson in the chapel, and they were reading the sacrament prayers with her. It was so interesting that I was able to read her so well and see how the missionaries were missing *her.* They were focused on reading the scriptures and pointing out key things that they usually point out in lessons with others that completely did not resonate with her at all. They asked her about wanting a fresh start and she said, "not really" and instead of exploring that statement, they kept going on and kept talking about how good it can be to have a fresh start. Or when they asked if anything stood out to her and she said no, they started talking about what they liked, when I could clearly see that she was having trouble understanding what was read. Not only was it majorly distracting to have it in the chapel right before church starts, with people trickling in and talking all around her, but the language of the Book of Mormon is old and often difficult for people to understand. I interjected a few times to help with these errors, such as, "I find it so interesting that you said you don't believe in fresh starts. What do you mean by that?" And she went on to explain that she believes everything happens for a reason. I was able to explain what I meant by fresh starts by sharing something relatable, like doing something dumb in front of a guy you like and then wishing you could move past it, and she was laughing and agreeing. Then later when she said she didn't get anything from it, I asked if she understood it, and when she said "no," I validated that and said, "Yeah, it can be so tricky to understand this old-school way of talking. Lots of people struggle with it." Then I ended up sitting next to her at church because the sisters asked me too, since they were leaving(!!) and they didn't want her to be alone. I made sure to ask her directly if it would be okay if I sat with her (and then it was funny because one of the sisters piped up and said, "Yeah, that'd be great if you could," and I was like, "Yeah, but I just wanted to ask her directly if it's okay with her.") She showed a lot of signs of anxiety, and I did my best to be friendly and a comforting presence and to relate to her. Also, McKenna showed up late and she'd previously been invited by a guy to sit with him, but she chose me over him! So she came in and plopped right down next to me and it made me happy to have a loving friend! It was very peaceful having her sit next to me and to chat and make faces at each other, and she even rested her head on my (bony) shoulders (which, I'm glad she is comfortable enough with me to do that, but I've discovered that I don't like people doing that because then I stiffen up and feel like I can't move or really breathe because I don't want to bump them or move my shoulder). So yeah, overall, really good day.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Stop It!

 2 May - 7 May 2023

Oh, what a week! I wrote in my journal this past week, "When the Lord invites you to walk on water with Him, it should be expected that you're going to falter and start drowning." I had some rough patches throughout the week, having some feelings I didn't know how to deal with appropriately or healthily, but the key things that got me through were grace and forgiveness from Jesus Christ, from my family, and from myself. Not letting a slip-up get me discouraged or define who I am. It is important to note that there are literal changes that happen in our brains when we are flooded with emotion that make it so we are literally incapable of rational, reasonable thought and processing. When we start feeling our brain slip into that state, it is crucial to STOP. Stop trying to make important decisions, stop trying to do anything extra than what is needful in that moment. And to start doing everything we can to soothe ourselves and our bodies. To turn to God for comfort, to use self-care tools, to ask people to extend grace and prayers to you.

This week was slightly more overwhelming when working with my clients than previous weeks, and I felt myself taking on more of their stressors/letting their problems start to affect me. And it totally was in part because my mental stability/groundedness was wobbly. But I got through the week, even learned to enjoy many aspects of it, and I gained some valuable knowledge and wisdom. One, I'm giving up on overcompensating in relationships. First of all, it's exhausting and draining. Second of all, it stems from an anxious place of feeling like I have to bribe them to be my friend or earn their attention and care--and that is simply not true. I value myself more than that. I am an incredible friend to have and I'm confronting that fear I have that people will stop paying attention to me or being around me if I do not constantly initiate interactions. I will reciprocate as much as they reciprocate. Of course, this doesn't mean I'll never initiate. I will test the waters every once in a while, maybe with important life updates or events I can invite them to, but then if they consistently do not reciprocate at all, I will re-evaluate why I am trying to have a friendship or relationship with that person and perhaps prayerfully put my efforts into other people and relationships that will yield more harvest (not just for me, but for them and for the Lord). Along these lines, I'm so over one-sided crushes and have been working to redirect my thoughts, gaze, and desires back to the Lord and to being a disciple of Christ. I didn't realize just how distracting liking a guy is from being able to focus on speakers at church and listen to the Spirit. When a guy isn't filling your awareness, it leaves more room to feel direction from God. And, you can more easily explore who you are and who you want to be. You don't even start to realize little habits you pick up that are not because of you. Thoughts, interests, desires (even a future that isn't fully yours) open up in  your mind, take residence, and detract from what is in your stewardship and ability to accomplish. It detracts from your individual and unique way of relating to the world and using your God-given gifts to make it a better place. I'm not sure if that makes sense or even adequately describes what I'm feeling, but I guess one way I've felt recently is free. Free from expectations and judgments I didn't need to be carrying and I have more control of my life because I'm not wondering/obsessing about things I don't have control of (does he like me, is he thinking of me, does he find me attractive, is he going to be there, what will he say to me, how is he taking what I do/say?). And my grounded answer is, WHO CARES! I like the way I look, I feel comfortable, I like myself, I want to go to that event, REGARDLESS of anyone else's thoughts or feelings or opinions.

So, anywho, I decided to make some changes to my life this week. I just changed my screen saver on my phone to a girl dancing on water with Christ, which I feel is a great representation and reminder of the things I can accomplish with Him. 

Also, I am discovering how much more effective therapy is when I plan it with Him, since He knows my clients so much better than I ever will. Now, for some important points from this week: I went to get a TB test for my internship at the group home. There wasn't any doubt, but in case you were worried... I tested negative! FHE on Monday night was SO fun! We had a combined activity with other wards in an airplane hanger (part of ALA's school) and there was pickleball, spikeball, corn hole, and a giant Connect 4 game. I absolutely had a blast and made sure to talk with tons of new people, and I played my best at pickleball yet! 

I went to ministering night on Wednesday and it was super fun! I teamed up with Emma and we went to visit the girls I minister two. One of them was home and answered the door, and we had a good chat with her! Then we went back to the house it was at for soft-served ice cream and games! Unfortunately for me, I was feeling a little anxious that night and started to let it get to me, so I left a bit early. But I am super grateful for it and that I had such a great talk with Emma. On Friday night, I had the Cinco De Mayo potluck. We had a great turn out and TONS of food! I wasn't feeling super well that day, but I was able to get in a quick nap and feel a bit better. 

My ear has been acting up all week ever since it burst last Saturday at the Luau from those crazy, screaming girls. Seriously. Shirtless Samoan dudes are SO overrated right now. RIP my ears. Yeah, but I had lots of good conversations with people that night and had lots of fun teaching some people how to ride the electric unicycles. My dad even pulled out his non-electric, regular unicycle for people to try! Karaoke was a hit! I went to stake conference on Saturday night and sat by my high school friend, Hannah O. We had brownies afterward and I socialized with lots of people, then left to meet up with my coworker at The Porch (a bar in downtown Gilbert). They were celebrating her husband's birthday and I wanted to show my support by coming to something she invited me to. I got there before her, so I sat outside on the swing and played a game of chess... LOL. But it was weird having my ID checked for the first time to go into somewhere. I didn't stay long, but I definitely got to see what kind of vibe goes down at a bar party. Oh, and the funniest part of the night (or one of them, I should say) was that my co-intern, Suprit, thought I was 21 years old! Haha, I'll take it! #foreveryoung

On Sunday, Valerie gave an AMAZING talk at the leadership training meeting. I opted to sit on a cushy chair and save a spot for McKenna instead of singing in the choir and sitting on the stand the whole time, and I'm glad I did because McKenna needed a good friend. After the meeting ended, we walked to my car and chatted for a bit before I drove her to her car (she'd parked down in another lot because the church lot was so full). She'd shared her story of addiction and falling away from the church during the Saturday night session, which took a lot of courage and energy. I'm glad I had some one-on-one time to ask her how she was and where she stood with everything and how I could support her. Also, Gracelyn LOVES Uncle Sean! Haha, she kept looking at him strangely, but granted, he was giving her some strange looks!

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Just For Today

 24 April - 30 April 2023

Hello, my friends! Another week, and I am honestly reporting that it was not as "happy" as the weeks before it, but it was a good week. Physically, I was not feeling up to par, but it's normal to have your physical highs and lows, soreness, exhaustion, hunger, etc. And what's cool is that despite not feeling my best physically, I still got to practice feeling my best mentally. What do I mean by that? Well, take Sunday for an example. It was fast Sunday, so I was abstaining from food and drink on top of physical exhaustion from all the service from the previous day and other minor things going on with my body. At one point, I was feeling very hungry and my stomach grumbled, and I kind of felt frustrated that I felt like crap and was fasting on top of it, but then I reflected, "Do I need food to be happy?" Can I skip a couple of meals and be hungry and still find joy in life? Can I have aches and pains in my body and still choose to do things that bring me peace or happiness or enjoyment? And I decided to believe the answer is yes. So what if my stomach is grumbling a bit. So what if my legs are sore. So what if I feel a bit loopy and tired. Those things don't need to bring my mood down because they are not permanent, nor are they the foundation on which my happiness rests. I'm in control of my happiness, not external circumstances. Not other people, and not even a sick or afflicted body. So was I bouncing for joy, giddy with happiness and excitement and passion for life? No. But that emotional flood is not all that defines happiness. What about having peace of mind? Or contentment? Or a willingness to keep pushing forward and stay in the present moment without dwelling on present or future cares? Chemically and hormonally, my body is not made to feel flooded with strong emotions all the time, and it didn't have the capacity to keep feeling "on top of the world," but the determination and optimism are still there.

Okay, so here are some highlights of my week: I got to see lots of clients this week, and am feeling incredibly blessed by the amount of relational hours I am getting. Looking at my current hours and the projectory for the rest of the year, I am right on track in all areas. I started making my therapy social media a priority and hope to make a big impact with that and gain a lot of followers. So far, I made a TikTok video and got a follower from it, and when I looked at her TikTok, a lot of it talked about her depression and cutting herself, and it just made me so grateful for the opportunity to be able to reach a wider variety of people and ages from multiple platforms: YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and TikToc. I plan to post every Monday and am grateful for the opportunity I have to start making an impact NOW. I had a youth from one of my FSY groups reach out and thank me for my Missionary Approach videos; he says he's been following them and has felt the Spirit and been strengthened by them. That came at a time when I was thinking of quitting so I could put my focus into other areas, but now I feel like (with God's help, of course), I can do more and juggle more things. I've also been helping with the social media at my sign job, and even started a YouTube channel. I've filmed some print jobs on my phone and sped them up and we're going to be posting those for people to watch. I'm excited to start getting more creative and to help bring in even more clients! On Friday, I went to the Touch Angels office to meet with my clients there, and I fortunately only have three clients now! What a blessing. I feel like I can handle that much in the day. I had really good sessions with each of my clients, and one client went to show me all his key chains he has earned and collected from being sober for over a year, and it was super cool, and the group facilitator even gave me my own key chain! It's the very first one you get after one day of being sober in the group home. Little does he know I've been sober my whole life, but I'll take the "Just For Today." It's actually a really good motto and reminder to take life one day at a time and focus on what matters most for that day. 

An old friend from work has been canceling on me a lot lately and hasn't been the best at responding to text messages, and it's kind of frustrating. I'm not sure what to do. A big part of me feels like, "Well, if she's being a crappy friend, don't reciprocate or try so hard" and the other part of me feels like, "You know she's struggling and could gain a lot from a genuine, Christ-like example and friendship, so just keep trying and ministering." So I just keep inviting her to things, but I also don't have high expectations that she'll actually show up or follow through with the invitation. But at least she is invited. Saturday was a long and exhausting day. I woke up early to attend a stake service project at House of Refugees or something like that. They house homeless families for a year while the family works to get back on their feet. It's an incredible program and I wish we had more like it in place. We raked wood chips around the playground and shoveled up weeds for a couple of hours. 

Then I left with a small group to go set up for the multi-stake Luau activity. Dallin, me, Valerie, and Jasen all carpooled together over there, where we spent another two hours putting up chairs, tables, and decorations. Jasen was pretty tired and loopy, and kept making all sorts of jokes and tried to get Val to laugh a lot. It was pretty fun, but towards the end, my blood sugar was dropping from not having lunch or breakfast, and I was completely wiped. I got to take a small nap when I got home before attending the temple. Then I attended the Luau that evening with my two beautiful sisters, which was an AMAZING feeling. That I just have two best, eternal friends who I can do things with and know they always have my back. Sean and our two cousins, Cody and Collin, all carpooled over as well! It was really good to see them all. We stayed for pretty much the full 4 hours... CRAZY! I was so tired and sore by the end of it, but I was glad we stayed late enough to help take down chairs and tables. I woke up on Sunday with a headache and ruptured ear drum (which I believe is only temporary and will heal itself with time, and I think it came from this rowdy group of girls sitting on my left on the row behind me, shrieking every time the shirtless Samoan dancers were on stage. RIP my ear). 

I got to attend Lucy's ward to hear her speak, and I really enjoyed hearing her experience of turning to Christ and focusing on Him to help her stop worrying so much about the unknowns of college. I went back to sleep after that, then got up for my own ward. Which was good, despite me feeling a bit out of it still. And dinner was SO SO SO delicious. We had chicken pineapple burgers with all the fixin's. YUM. Then Val and I went to stake choir practice. Aww yeah! So, all in all, a pretty great week :).

And of course, I get to see baby periodically each week, and sometimes I actually remember/think to take pictures!

Much love, 

Emily Burnham