Another week, another entry! What can I say, life is tough. But blessings keep pouring down upon me. Even when I am too weak or tired or when I feel inadequate, my Father's love is so apparent and evident. My high light on Monday was the game we played during FHE. We all submitted answers to questions and then voted for the one that was the funniest. I named my little character "Bob" and one of the funniest answers I gave was, "You finally complete a 1,000 piece puzzle only to be disappointed that it is a picture of a..." noodle. My competition's answer was "an orange," so of course I won because noodles are way funnier than oranges ;).
I went to my Tuesday ice skating class, but I don't feel like I'm getting much better, which is discouraging. I need to practice off of the ice to overcome some of my fears of jumps and tricks. I went shopping after my ice skating class and bought all the healthy foods, so you should be proud of me. When you eat well, you really do feel better, and when you are facing mental health challenges, you need all the help you can get! From vegetables, fruits, the sun, etc. My mom got me a sun-light that is supposed to help with seasonal depression and it is great! I love the natural lighting and I love feeling so loved because my mom gave it to me as a gift. That evening, I taught the Nixon kids piano and babysat them. They are so fun and cute! We watched The Pacifier and then I tried putting them to bed. They did not want to go to sleep! I eventually got them in bed (almost 30 minutes past the time the mom wanted them in bed) and then I had to tell them a story on the spot. Since I had recently seen Captain America, I made up some knock-off version of the story about this weak guy who is transformed for a secret mission by eating kiwis. Yeah, there were a lot of plot holes in my story, which the oldest boy kept picking apart... :).
I did not feel all to well on Wednesday. I had so much to do these past few days, like every spare minute was filled and I'm completely exhausted. I still went into work (blah) but it was good because I had a great conversation with one of my coworkers and I told him about my YouTube channel, which he thought was super awesome! I had a bit of a headache so I ditched out of my evening research class early and went home to eat food and take a short nap before working on homework.
On Thursday afternoon, I drove my friend Lexy to the airport and then afterwards went and filmed my friend Eliza about what it means to be a consecrated missionary. I'm so excited for it to be released! Som many good videos are coming out soon! I stayed up working on my annotated bibliography for my neuro class right up until my bedtime.
Wow, Friday was quite the day. I love working at the temple. I find so much peace there and love all my fellow servants who serve there as well. Today I was extra blessed to be serving in the temple because... guess who said "hi" to me? Yup, Elder Holland! He and his wife were in the temple hallway and walked right past me! And said "hi" to my star-struck gaze. I think I said hi back, but I can't be sure because I was refraining myself from saying, "Hey, remember when we met two years ago at the Florida Tallahassee Mission Conference?" I had a huge smile on my face as I continued to walk down the hallway. For the rest of the day, though, I had a huge headache that for a bit crossed the line of a migraine. While I wasn't feeling super well, I was able to meet up with my old mission companion, Becca! We went and got fries together and I really enjoyed talking to her. She inspires me! We also won our basketball game that evening, and I also scored three baskets! Go me! (Haha, I really am not that good since I don't practice consistently). Friday night was the worst! I went to bed and... nothing. Sleep just evaded me. I was so so mad! 12am rolls around. Then one, then two. Finally, I gave up and read a sad book that made me cry. After an hour of crying my eyes out, I finally fell asleep around 3:30am. Then woke up at 6:30am! Ugh. I tried to sleep in for another hour before getting up for the day around 8am.
I went with the ward to the temple Saturday morning. I told Satan that it didn't matter if I was tired and hadn't slept well, he wasn't keeping me from the temple! It was a great experience to be on the side receiving the ordinances that I now get to administer on Fridays. I decided I was going ice skating in the afternoon. I've been feeling so much pressure on myself lately. So icky and sinful and inadequate and discouraged. I know it was the adversary and my natural man, so I decided to do something I love and that usually relieves stress. But I should have known better... public skate is crazy! With all those little kids and noise, it wasn't super peaceful, and the ice was not smooth even after the Zamboni came along because of the intense hockey game that went on right before. I also fell and hit the back of my head and re-hurt my knee that was trying to heal from the bruises I got last week... I am getting better at jumps though! Soon after getting home, Miranda and I went to see Frozen 2. I didn't have high expectations for it, so it turned out much better than I was expecting. I even got emotional at different points just because of the mood I was in and the good messages of loyalty to family and friends. And Olaf was a hoot! I would totally be him giving out random facts on a long journey while everyone else was trying to sleep.... hahaha :). That evening, Miranda came into my room and surprised me with cute little gifts she got me from the dollar tree! That was so sweet and made me feel so loved. I'm starting to think that getting gifts is a bigger one of my love languages than I previously thought!
Our ward choir performed today in sacrament meeting! I was glad to be part of it. Relief Society was so good today. We got to hear such amazing insights from the wives of the Bishopbric members, and I was reassured that it is okay to be broken and that Christ can make us strong. I learned that victory is beautiful, but not flawless. I was reminded that God is in charge, not me. After church and reconnect, I had a very much needed phone call with my mother. I was talking about how I'm learning so much about being married and God is really preparing me, but I'm just feeling frustrated thinking, "When is it actually going to happen?" My mom asked what I was praying for specifically, and I said that I asked Heavenly Father to show me the next step to prepare for marriage and to be ready. She said, "There you go. He's answering your prayer by showing you how to get ready, but you need to change your prayer and start praying to find your future husband. Have that be your greatest desire and go for it." She went on to tell me that it should prioritize over school and the other good things I'm doing, and if it is in the deepest desires of my heart, God will grant it. "How badly do you want it?" When she asked that, I realized I was scared. I was scared to get married and I'd been prioritizing school and other things over marriage, which I hadn't realized before. But after talking with my mom, I don't want to be scared. I want to be brave and desire marriage. It will still happen in the Lord's timing, but it is something I should actively want and not keep suppressing because I don't know when the timing will be right. My mom is one inspired woman and I'm eternally grateful to have her in my life.
I don't want to be too busy to enjoy life. I want to do so many things and be so many things, but it's impossible! I wish I could practice all my talents--take more time to practice basketball, piano, violin, and figure skating. I wish I had more time to write and create art. But I have so many things pressing for my time that I have to give some things up, which made me feel sad or like I was wasting my talents. But I've come to learn that the talent you are specializing in right now is the one you can take pride in and identify with. Right now, I'm a pretty epic videographer! I may be out of shape for basketball and piano from lack of practice, but later on in life when those are more of a priority, I can work on those again. For now, I am a talented studier and video-editor and friend.
Much love,
Emily Burnham
