Hunt for a Black Truck

20 July - 26 July 2020

Monday
Now that I quit three of my jobs, I have a lot more time to dedicate to studying for the GRE, and I like to spend that time in the library so I can focus better. We had a ward FHE activity at the park, complete with chips, hot dogs, and games.

Tuesday
I was studying on the first floor of the library, and my right hand/arm felt weird. It became hard for me to write, so I took a break and watched an episode from a show my family likes called Chuck. It was okay. I was super worried about my arm though, but it didn't get worse. My roommate Lily also received her mission call today! We watched her open it that evening, and she got called to serve in the England Leeds Mission! I'm so excited for her! It's been awesome being her roommate because she comments many times how she believes she moved in here so she could meet me and that I've helped her a lot in her preparations to serve the Lord.

Wednesday
After meeting with Marty, I got ready and went to campus. I worked all afternoon, studying and working for BYU Online. Okay, confession time... I started watching Twilight. Yes, the acting is awful! But I just felt like taking a trip down memory lane and seeing why it was so popular back in the day.

Thursday
I attempted a shopping trip, not realizing that masks are now required to go inside the stores. I didn't have a mask on me, so I turned around and went back home, feeling dejected. After a lunch of stolen stale chips and old beans, I went to the library to study. Then I went over to Whitney's house, and her neighbor Keturah invited us over for Indian food that she had made. It was a blessing because I was so hungry! Then Whitney took me shopping with her and loaned me a mask.

Friday
I studied a bit for the GRE and also finished watching the last Twilight movie (seriously, so bad, don't know why I wanted to rewatch them all). I went to Lexy's game night with some fellow friends in the ward in the evening. We first played this game called Diception (aka Pirate's Dice)... and I won with four dice still intact!! It was a very proud moment. Then we played this game called Snake Oil... I did not do as well in that game.

Saturday
I had a productive morning. I actually did a pretty intense workout, got ready, did a bit of cleaning, and then drove around Provo to scope out some black trucks. I got my friends Matt and Whitney to pose for the book cover of the novel I'm writing for my sister Lucy. It was so funny because Whitney was scared the owner of the truck would come out and see her close to his truck holding what looked like a can of spray paint (but really it was a can of starch. I took off the label and painted it). I spent some hours studying for the GRE. I am feeling a bit more prepared for it, which is good because I am taking it in about three weeks!!! I also edited a video for my channel and worked on the cover of the book. Photoshop can work miracles! Let's see how many differences you can spot:

Sunday
I slept in so late! I got over 10 hours of sleep. I got up and ready for church. It's a bit weird still that we get to meet in person, but everyone wears masks. I guess now is the time when people would want to volunteer to give talks because you get to take your mask off when your speaking. Otherwise you only get a two second break for taking the sacrament. We had an absolute beautiful musical number, Savior, Redeemer of My Soul. The woman's voice rang out so clearly on the high notes! I also visited an apartment of sisters (there were only two there) and chatted with them for a bit before asking about ministering. They are so cute! After lunch, Kathrine came over and we did a bit of family history. She helped me attach a source! So I am slowly, but surely, making a difference in the world!

I believe in Christ, but I also believe Christ. I believe that He has the power to fulfill all His promises, and that He can save and redeem me. I mess up daily. I'm very aware of how far from perfect I am. Yet I have confidence that God will bless me with all things as I continue to desire to be righteous. I'm grateful for the sacrament so we can renew our covenants and be clean again.

Much love,
Emily Burnham

Hope

13 July - 19 July 2020

Dear family and friends--but actually just family because I'm sure that my parents are the only only ones who read this. Maybe my sister too.  What is up?! I had a pretty great week, so let me tell you about it.

The beginning of the week was tough because I felt the weight of work and studies pushing down on me, but I am proud to say that I started exercising consistently and didn't miss a day Monday through Saturday! And let me tell you, I feel SO much better with exercise. Night and day difference. Well, okay, maybe just a sunset vs midnight difference. I have been going to the library each morning to study for the GRE, and the scary and frustrating part is that I'm not remembering much of what I study! I remember about two of the hundred words I studied: feckless and bowdlerize. If you don't know what those mean... come on now, get your act together! Just kidding... if you have no clue, then you are a normal human being that isn't being forced to study words that are (and never will be) used in everyday conversations. Monday night, I went along with Whitney to Vivian Park for her FHE bonfire activity, and I scoped out some good places for taking pictures.

 On Wednesday morning, I got to meet with the counselor again and we discussed different options I can take to progress and change how I've been feeling. One thing I've thought a lot about this week is how my greatest strength is also my weakness... but on the other hand, this weakness I have is one of my greatest strengths. My deep care and devotion for the gospel always me to be a great example to others, even if at times it creates a feeling of anxiety and worry. I bought a Pass of All Passes on sale for only $8, so for the next month, I get to go ice skating for free! It is not only good exercise, but stress relieving, so I decided that I'm going to take advantage of it and go as much as I can every week. So I went skating right after meeting with Marty. That afternoon, I stopped by the student health center, which caused me to miss my research team meeting. But the good news is that they want a small, focused group to finish up with calling participants, so I no longer need to help with it! What a glorious blessing! Now I am basically down to one part-time job, but it's just for a couple more weeks, and then I get to go home!

Thursday morning I went ice skating again! My daily workouts have actually been helping me to be a better ice skater. I am using an app called FitOn, and the instructors focus a lot on form and control. Being intentional and focusing on breathing. Now as I am skating, I focus on feeling my body and sinking into it... I don't know how to describe it, but it's really been good. Whitney and I also met up at the library to do homework side by side, then we went outside for a break.

On Friday, after studying at the library for a bit, I drove down to The Shops at Riverwoods and scoped out some more places to take pictures for tomorrow night. I also stopped by Rock Canyon on my way home to do the same thing, but was not as impressed with the scenery there.

Saturday was the best day I've had in such a long time. Four of my friends agreed to come ice skating this morning, and they were pretty good, and I got to help teach them some things. It was so fun, and I only fell once (but that's about all the abuse that my poor knees can take because they bruise and swell so easily). I found new ice skating buddies!! I was feeling so happy. That evening, I got to do a photo-shoot with Kara and her husband Conner. I realized that I have a lot of work to do and need to practice a lot more, but it was such a great experience. And, as I've been told, I can only improve from this point!

I don't know why I was so tired all day Sunday, but I was. I slept so much! Church was great--I loved to see all of my friends in the ward. My friends Vincent and Kathrine came over to do family history/indexing after church. I went to Come, Follow Me group, and it was huge! So many people came, and we had a good discussion. We played games again afterward. I actually really love this group of friends I found! Even if they were originally Whitney's friends at first, I feel like they have become mine. I have so much hope for the future because I am receiving the help that I need. I still have moments of doubt, guilt, or worry, but overall I am much more happier and hopeful. I smile and laugh more, I worry less about what others think, etc. It's a great adventure that I'm on.

Much love,
Emily Burnham

Surprise Selfies

6 July - 12 July 2020

Monday
For work this week, I was able to participate in helping to give input on what other people we should hire as Lead TAs. I wasn't even really aware that I was a lead TA. I don't ever really know what I'm doing, so I just fake it til I make it and totally feel like an impostor...

Tuesday
I would say that you would have to pay me a LOT of money to take a four hour exam that has not-very-fun subjects on it. Instead, I'm having to pay $205 to take the GRE. Not looking forward to it. And signing up for it was a bit stressful because the screen kept showing that the available times were all from 11pm to 1am, and I was like, "They're ain't no way that's gonna happen!" I was freaking out and contacted someone to see what could be done. With their guidence, I realized that midnight was the default option in the box where you select a time that you want to take it, so that's why it kept showing me times in the middle of the night! With that crisis solved, I was finally able to go to bed, but later than I would have wanted.

Wednesday
It was good to meet with Marty this morning. I realized that I needed to set my priorities straight. So I decided to quit two of my jobs so I can better focus and study. I signed up to take the GRE last night and only have 34 days to study. I made it a goal to study for 1.5 to 2 hours every weekday until then. I also had a good talk with my roommate about the dish situation, and so now hopefully dirty dishes won't be piling up in our sink for days!! Also, the lemon pepper rotisserie chicken I bought from the store for lunch was absolutely divine. I resumed working for my research position today, so I had a meeting in the afternoon. I was up on campus, and after the meeting I was studying for the GRE and an elder from the mission saw me and said "hi." He was kind enough to help explain a math concept to me, only it was kind of awkward because he was talking really loudly in front of the main level on the third floor, making big motions with his hands and acting devastated when I didn't understand. Finally, at the very end, it suddenly clicked, and he found it funny that all his explaining hadn't helped, and he walked away doubled-over with laughter.

Thursday
Nothing too fun happened today. I went to work this morning at the Smith Field House. I had a meeting with my TA team to talk over candidates to hire or not to hire. I studied a bit for the GRE. I also ran into one guy from the CFM group that I attend and we ended up just talking for probably an hour or so. He is so nice and I asked him to be on my YouTube channel! So that'll be super cool. I'm grateful for the friends and people that God is placing in my life :)

Friday
I went figure skating! With the pass of all passes, I get free admission for the rest of the summer! Booya! I have a lot of skills to regain and so much to learn, but it is super fun! When I got back, I went over to Whitney's place to do some work. That evening, I went home and got my new phone in the mail! I was so happy because my other phone is a pain with how slow and old it is. My new phone has so many cool features, and I've been showing it off to people. My favorite is to take out my S-pen and click on the camera app. Then I ask them to hold my phone and click the pen to take a selfie of them without them knowing! Surprise Selfie! Boom, I just invented that prank. I got some really fun results:

Saturday
I filmed Whitney for my YouTube channel, and we also recorded ourselves singing "I Know That My Redeemer Lives" to the tune of "Sweet Hour of Prayer." It turned out really good (my mom especially thought so). The only sad thing was that as I was trying to edit together the video for my channel late Saturday night, I realized the second half of Whitney's story didn't get recorded! So I wasn't able to finish making it, which was sad.

Sunday
We went to church on Sunday. If I'm being honest, it was nothing too exciting or special. I think I was just pretty tired. I want church to mean a lot more to me now that we are getting to meet in person, but I still feel so emotionally and socially distant from everyone! I am really glad we are getting to take the sacrament consistently again, though. I am grateful for the reminder of my Savior. After church, Kathrine came over to do family history with me, and Lexy stopped by to chat with us, then one of our ministering sisters. That was fun! Also, Whitney dropped by to be re-filmed since I didn't capture all of her story yesterday. I recognized that I need to take a different approach with my YouTube channel because it is starting to feel like an unpaid job. An obligation. I think I have been valuing quantity over quality videos, and it's burning me out. So I've been praying for some ideas of how to change that, and I'm excited about the future possibilities. I let Whitney do some of her laundry over at my place because she was stressing about getting it done. Then I went to CFM and we had a good discussion, followed by dinner, followed by games. I was a bit sassy and weird, but I also know that my quirks make me lovable and endearing to the right people. I am always grateful when I can find a friend group where I can be myself and be comfortable around them. I also just really love testifying of Jesus Christ. That is my favorite thing because I love the Spirit that fills me when I do.

Funny Quote:
A girl giving a talk in sacrament meeting, talking about Jesus: "He always acts so Christ-like. Well, He is Christ..."

Cheesy Pick-Up Lines:
Are you tired? Because you've been running through my mind all night.
Do you have a map? Because I keep getting lost in your eyes.

Much love,
Emily Burnham

4th of July

29 June to 5 July 2020

I worked early morning custodial for the first half of the week. I got my boss to agree to have me film him for my YouTube channel, so that's exciting! Also, I am so grateful for the support and resources that are available to help me as I need it. It's been a hard couple of weeks, but I have so much hope for the future. Things will get better, and I can learn and grow through the grace of Jesus Christ to better deal with my trials.

 On Thursday I babysat 3 three-year-olds for 3 hours. Oh what fun. Yikes, I realized that I need to be in shape so when I'm a mom, I don't die playing with or chasing around all my kiddos. They wore me out, and while I was driving home, I almost didn't see a big dumpster truck that was pulling out. Wow, I'm so grateful that God watches out for me and that I'm still alive!

I've also been re-reading The Continuous Atonement by Brad Wilcox and have cried so much. It's just what I need to hear again. God is so good. So merciful. One of the greatest and most merciful things I learned this week from my personal studies was about how the fall of Adam and Eve introduced sin and sickness into the world, and it's not my fault that I have to deal with mental and physical health challenges. God will have so much mercy for me, for all of us, because of the struggles we go through that are not our fault. He has so so much compassion and understanding, and it just brought me so much relief as I was filled with the Spirit and with God's love.

I had the opportunity to serve my companion, driving her to work at 11pm on Friday night. It was much further than I thought, but she was having a rough night and the person that was going to drive her was MIA. We had a good discussion and I'm glad I was able to go outside of my comfort zone and help her out.

Saturday
I'm so excited because I went to Saver's (a thrift store) and bought a fun board game called "Beyond Balderdash." I think I really love bluffing games or something! My grandma has the original game, but this one adds four other categories to spice things up with, so now I can't wait to host a game night and play it with friends! To celebrate the 4th of July, I went over to my friend Whitney's and we had a potluck with a bunch of friends who are in her ward. I went home early to try to capture some cool pictures of the fireworks. It was a bit harder than expected, especially because I didn't have the best vantage point, but it was good practice changing my aperture and shutter speed to try and capture the beauty of the fireworks.

Sunday
Today was good! Well, it was hard to get up in the morning after such a late night with lots of junk food that had been consumed the night before... but, I did make it to church on time, so that's all that matters! My two roommates, Lily and Susan, sang The Star Spangled and it was really good! Dang, they can sing HIGH! I filmed a friend in my ward, Tyler, for my YouTube channel, and then when I went home, I decided to study my scriptures outside by the waterfall south of BYU campus. It was super peaceful. I took a pretty fat nap in the afternoon, then went to a friend's house for Come, Follow Me and am writing this while they are watching good ole Johnny Lingo. And yes... I admit that I may have cried at the ending... hehehe. After a not so great fourth, I'm glad that I had a great fifth. Each day is a new day, a fresh start to come unto Christ and be closer to Him. I love Him, and I need Him.

Much love,
Emily Burnham