30 May - 5 June 2022
I spent Monday morning with Whitney. I cleaned her kitchen floor in the morning while she slept in. She was surprised, grateful, and indignant, haha. "No, you didn't!" Yup, I did! Then I went on a morning walk around her neighborhood for exercise. Then we went to a nearby park together to exercise, but it started raining and I got cold (I didn't have a jacket) so we went back to her house. We got lunch from Cubbys. The fries were SO good! The burger was just alright. Then we watched an episode of Love on the Spectrum and Julie and the Phantoms. Then I left to go over the the Nixons. They had family over for a BBQ, so I settled into the downstairs guestroom while all the kids were busy playing. I was surprised to learn that the Nixons had a new addition to their family as of two months ago! Little baby Ford. He was so cute!! The family offered me food, and I had a good time chilling and chatting with the various family members that I had previously met throughout the years. Also, the best part was when I walked into the house and saw Jack. He was with a cousin and looked up at me for a moment, confused. He said, "Who are you?" Then after a second he shouted, "I know you!" and ran towards me and threw himself into my arms. It was the absolute cutest thing ever. Cole was just confused to see me and said, "Shouldn't you still be on your mission?" I guess when I graduated and left, he thought I was going on a mission...?? Even though I was already an RM the first time he met me.
On Tuesday, I did a little bit of homework, but it was difficult to focus with all the kids. I got to meet the family's full-time babysitter, Sarah, who was super awesome. I got to help watch and take care of the baby and play with Jack. It feels good to be back, like I wasn't forgotten and even though things have changed, I'm still welcomed into their home.
Wednesday morning, I drove with the family down to the SLC airport so that I could drive one of their cars home. That took up my whole morning, which was fine because I'm grateful to be able to help out since they are letting me stay with them. I was reminded on the drive there from Mike that the world really is full of good people, and traveling can help you see that. If you only look at the world from the lens of media, it's easy to get caught up in all the wickedness portrayed by a small percentage of people. I truly believe there are two distinct worlds we simultaneously live in. Reality and media. Media doesn't not portray reality at all. It is so warped that it has become damaging on so many levels. More now than ever, I want to prioritize travelling so that I can see and remember reality. In the afternoon, I worked on an essay.
Thursday, I worked all day on my essay, finishing it up. Whitney came over in the evening so I could meet her boyfriend, Brigham. We watched The Bad Guys movie, which is still in theaters, but the family bought it. We all really enjoyed watching it, especially Brigham. Although we didn't get much time to talk or anything, it was good to have some company and see how happy Whitney was. I started my second essay on Friday. Becca came over in the afternoon to walk Coco with me and chat. We talked for two hours after walking Coco, just me talking about how hard the last couple of months had been, but how FSY training was much needed in opening the flood gates of spiritual revelation. I poured out a lot of my worries about dating and marriage and where to live and then said that the Lord told me that it's up to me, but that He will do wonders wherever I go. If I can't find what I'm looking for in AZ, I can create it. And I'm not going to miss out on finding the right guy to marry if the Lord is letting me choose where to live. He will bring us together. I just get so caught up in the details and the worries and the pressure and what I don't have that I forget to be grateful and access the spiritual power that makes me feel fulfilled and full of purpose and motivation. My body cannot handle feeling the Spirit all of the time. It's just not possible. Heck, I'd burn up in the presence of God! My body and flesh are weak. That's why I sometimes can't feel anything. It's natural. It allows me to be able to feel deeply again the emotion I've been missing, whether that is love, gratitude, peace, or spiritual power. It means I constantly have to make sure to spiritual revive myself every week and month when I do notice I'm in a slump. And to have so much self-compassion while in the slump.
Saturday, I woke up without a voice. I had kind of been feeling sick the last two days, but I was in denial. Then my vocal cords literally refused to work. I don't remember that ever happening to me before! So I stayed in bed for most of the day. Julia's sister came over with her kids to go swimming, so luckily they were able to keep Coco entertained all afternoon. It was a bit noisy, but I was able to finish my second essay and submit it before 5pm! Only two more left to write!! Woot woot! Then I watched The Amazing Spiderman in the movie theater room. I had never seen it before, if you can believe that. I attended Writer's Club with Lily, my old roommate, and two new people. It was fun to talk books and writing. Guys, there's so much I can do and so much I know and the Lord has been so kind to me this past week reminding me of my talents and future. One scripture that stood out to me this week was 2 Nephi 23:12 when God says, "I will make a man more precious than fine gold." The thought came to me that I am valuable as a person. That my thoughts, ideas, creations, and skills are valuable and worth a lot to people. Even though not material, worth more than gold. That was comforting to hear, that the Lord can make me worth more than any money or material. I don't know if you struggle with this too, but I have a hard time expecting or asking for money for my time and services. I worry that people won't think it was worth it and will resent me. I worry about asking for too much. I undervalue myself. And I don't think that's right. God has high hopes for me and values me, and even if I can't trust myself to live up to people's expectations and make sure my services are worth their money, I can trust God to make up for my shortcomings and strengthen me and work wonders through me that are worth more than gold.
I was a bit sad Sunday morning when I realized that my sickness was still bad enough that I'd have to miss church and going to Katie's house to meet her new baby. I was going to visit the 9th ward and see all my old friends and bishopbric members. I still wanted to go so bad that I literally had to call my mom so she could talk me out of it. I told her that I was still sick (she could hear it in my voice, too) and she said, "Yeah, you definitely can't go." That confirmed it. The small piece of me that still hoped to go was comforted. Mothers just have a magic touch. But I was comforted by the thought that I could still visit my old ward on a Sunday when I'm working FSY in Provo, because I don't have to check in until late Sunday afternoon, so I could still stop by for church. Ditto with visiting Katie. When I'm feeling better, I can make it work out somehow. I was surprised by how much I slept, though. I think by the late afternoon/early evening, I'd only been out of bed for three hours. Otherwise, I just kept sleeping, get up to let Coco outback for a potty break and drink some broth, then back to sleep, repeat. but by the evening, I felt so bad because Coco had started whining and howling. She was getting so lonely! But I just didn't have the energy to play with her. I had given her a 15 minute body scratch earlier in the afternoon and that was all I had in me. So I called Ruby, who I know loves dogs, and she was able to come by and play fetch with Coco and scratch her. I watched and we chatted. I think she really needed it too, because she'd lost her dog a few months ago. It was good to chat about the challenges in our lives and hanging in there. I told her she could come back Monday and/or Tuesday to play with Coco, and she said she'd come both days in the afternoon! She loved how good of a dog Coco was and said Coco made her miss having a dog (in a good way). Plus, on the bright side, no more whining from Coco! And now I'm just writing in my blog (and coughing occasionally) and feeling sleepy. But before I sign off, I want to share one more scripture that struck me this week. It is in 1 Corinthians 2:9. "Eye hath not seen, nor ear heard, neither have entered into the heart of man, the things which God hath prepared for them that love him." I googled a bunch of LDS talks about dating and marriage and was reading through them, and this verse was mentioned. What hit me was that the best way to prepare for anything in life is to love God, because truly God will return that love tenfold (or, well, infinitely). I can't even comprehend or picture what it will feel like when I meet the right guy, get married, or have kids. I can't imagine what good I will accomplish as a therapist or the good I will do in the world with my writing. Because it will be SO much better than I can even imagine. I don't have to worry about making a bright and happy future. I don't have to worry about ruining my future. As long as I love God, He has promised to take care of me, to guide me down a path of unimaginable greatness. He is preparing my way, even though I can't see it right now.
Okay, signing off, everyone! Time to get some sleep and hopefully recover soon :)
Love,
Emily Burnham
Oh! I forgot about pictures!!! Okay, photo dump of the pics from this past week:
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