11 September - 1 October 2023
This past Monday for FHE, we had a combined country dancing activity with another ward, and I had the perfect outfit prepared! I found a flannel shirt in Lucy's closet (which has become my favorite clothing store) and wore ankle boots that matched well, and then had my hair in braids. I looked the country girl part!! I did not have super high expectations or anything, but I just knew I'd go and have as much fun as I could. I chatted and talked with some girls there, said hi to some guys, and one guy I'd met the previous week at a movie night asked if he could ask me to dance. It was so funny because he walked up to me and grabbed my hand and asked me in front of the girls I was talking to. I said yes, so then when the activity started and they had the guys and girls line up and then the guy ask the girl, he came right up to me and asked me, which felt so good because I've had a history of being the girl on the sideline that never gets asked to dance, so it was healing for the heart. He was fun and pretty good, so we had a lot of fun learning and dancing together, and I was all smiles and laughs (all the messing up was my fault, but I was doing pretty good, overall). Then another guy from my ward asked me to dance later in the evening, and it was a lot of fun! That night was definitely the highlight of this past week. Now, it's been three weeks since I've written, so some other highlights that happened were the Friday before this past week, I went to a scary movie night (where I met that one guy) and it was such a chill and relaxed and cozy evening. I sat on the couch with a soft blanket I'd brought and listened to people socialize and talked a little bit with some people, then we watched Coraline, and I was so cozy that I stayed the whole time and felt so peaceful and relaxed. So then I went again this past Friday night too, and we watched The Haunted Mansion. One of the greatest things that happened over the past three weeks was I was able to reconcile with a friend in the ward, due to miscommunication and differing expectations, we stopped talking and kind of ignored each other for a while, and I could not find peace about the situation. I prayed and prayed, and was in such a low space and had the thought that I needed to talk it out, so I contacted him and we met up and talked. It was honestly one of the hardest things I've ever done, for so many reasons, but it also brought much needed closure and peace, and even though it was still tricky to naviage our friendship/relationship after that point and I felt so foolish and vulnerable and embarrassed many times during and after, I stayed true to myself and my values or being vulnerable even when it's difficult and using positive self talk instead of wallowing in embarrassment or resentment, and I am so humbled and grateful. As dark of a place I have been in for a while, I can finally say with such great gratitude in my heart that I am in a brighter and holier place now because of the things I learned and the person I have become as I stuck through the hard times with hope and faith and submissiveness. So much healing has come, and I've learned so much about myself. I have such great desires to be so incredibly kind and uplifting to those around me, and I have so much love and grace for myself and don't feel the need to force relationships or friendships, but can be content existing in the present moment with whoever is around me. And I feel like as I've magnified myself and my individual mission and journey, I am now ready to sacrifice and take on covenants and commitments to start a family and sacrifice to build something greater than myself unto God. So yeah, I've experienced the hardest week of my life followed by a week of so much gratitude, humility, perspective, and desire to build something greater than myself. So, some other things that have been happening these past weeks... I went to a murder mystery dinner! I played a rich widow who had killed her previous three husbands for their money... but wasn't the killer of the night at least! Val had the easiest role! She got to be a reporter, the lucky duck. I've been doing lots of marketing research at my sign job, trying to help them grow. I've also gotten so many clients that I'm now at the point where I really cannot accept any new clients without overwhelming my scheduling and causing great anxiety. I convinced a couple to attend a workshop I'm going to put on, so now I will get more than enough relational hours and don't need to stress anymore about that! I'll get more than enough hours and don't need to spread myself any more thin. Also, I've honestly been so blessed with how well my YouTube channel has done considering the short amount of time I've had it and that I still feel like I often don't know what to post or talk about. But I'm consistent, so that's good. And I'm seriously considering and planning how to expound on my hobbies of writing so I can get my book published and work on the second book. Now that I have slightly more time with classes finishing up, I can devote some hours each week to writing. I have such big goals and dreams, but when I look back on my life, I've already achieved a lot and can continue to do so! I've also been attending meetings with the area 70 president regarding tentatively planning a giant YSA conference in Arizona. I am so grateful for the person I have become because of Jesus Christ. Without Him, I would be lost. I wouldn't have drive and purpose and determination and hope to continue to work towards lofty goals even though life is tough and I have many shortcomings. Because of Him, I am not held back or limited by my weaknesses, and I can continually become a new creature.
Much love,
Emily Burnham
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