Creating Planets

8 May - 14 May 2023

Monday evening for FHE, we had a country dancing night, and I stayed for the first half, but as soon as the line dancing started, I dipped out of there real quick. I was partnered with a girl because (surprise, surprise) the girls outnumbered the boys AND no guy asked me to dance (I was going to ask a guy that I feel comfortable around, but another girl asked him first, so there went all my courage). But I danced with a really sweet girl and we made it a fun time! Also, my parents got their T-mobile Tuesday hats, so I snapped a picture of them wearing their matching hats for posterity:

Wednesday I had a cool session where a child's father came into the session for the first time, and it was so insightful and went from a very light and playful beginning to a heavy and tearful end (on the dad's part). It was really cool and helped me gain a lot of insight about the son and mom. In fact, I think four of my clients cried in sessions this week, which was really good and needed. I pushed a couple of them a bit and was gratified to see some walls break down and some commitment to improve develop.

We got our new machines at work, and the guy came on Thursday to train us how to use them. It was a loonnnnngggggg day. I was grateful that my boss Mike got us lunch, because I was getting super hungry (okay, so I dropped a small hint and he was more than happy to get everyone lunch...hehe). But I worked 8.5 hours that day! I learned three new machines and it was pretty overwhelming, but at least I wasn't the only one who had to learn them and all the pressure won't be on me. But when I got home a little after five, I was so wiped that I ended up going up to bed at 6:30pm to take a "nap" but then actually ended up falling asleep throughout the night and slept til 6:30am. Guess I really needed the sleep!

Friday, I went to the office in Mesa to meet with my three clients from the group home, and the sessions went well. I did some art therapy with two of them and played games with the other one. Then I met up with my mom for lunch at Garcias and bought her lunch for her Mother's Day gift. That evening, I had an intense session with a couple over Zoom. They were literally in the same house but in two different rooms on different devices (the husband said it was so he wouldn't cut off his wife while she was speaking, which I think it did help with that, for the most part), but it was just a lot of emotions and heavy topics. I was fine, I think I just took 30 minutes after to process while I ate something, but then I wrote up my notes and moved on, watching the Mandalorian until bedtime.

On Saturday, I went to the temple for the 7am endowment session, and it was actually so incredible! I much prefer going first thing in the morning to going in the afternoon or evening. First of all, I'm more alert and awake, not having to fight the urge to nap or sleep or rest my eyes. Also, it's less stressful because I know I have the full rest of the day to do whatever I need to do and it'll work out well because I prioritized God first thing, so my time is magnified and not wasted. But I was humbled and pleasantly surprised by how much revelation poured into my mind during that session, which not only made the time go by faster, but it also helped me realize what I've been missing out on when I go just to go and not to truly and sincerely learn. I attended Paige's baptism at 11am, which was a beautiful service, and I am looking forward to getting to know her better! That afternoon, I went with my sisters to Jasen's house to do spray paint art. We made galaxy masterpieces! I was pleasantly surprised by how easy it was to make something that turned out quite beautiful, even with the mistakes. I feel like it's something I could get the hang of quickly and get really good at. It was a cool experience, even accidentally flaming my hand XD. But it all worked out :). I really liked how my planets turned out, especially the orangy-colored one because there wasn't any orange spray paint, only yellow and red, but I was able to make orange!

My mom had the best Mother's Day ever! We all pitched in and worked hard to make sure she was pampered. Lucy gave her a foot massage, I fed her fancy chocolate, Val planned out dinner. I helpd make the guacamole and Spanish rice, and dad grilled the steak for the carne asada tacos. Symantha, Sean, Aaron, Brie, the baby, and Grandpa Jim were all in attendance along with the rest of us who still live at home. Delicious! Plus, church was really good. I went early for FHE committee meeting, and then I left to go meet a girl the sister missionaries started teaching, Kimberly. I got to sit in on the tail end of the lesson in the chapel, and they were reading the sacrament prayers with her. It was so interesting that I was able to read her so well and see how the missionaries were missing *her.* They were focused on reading the scriptures and pointing out key things that they usually point out in lessons with others that completely did not resonate with her at all. They asked her about wanting a fresh start and she said, "not really" and instead of exploring that statement, they kept going on and kept talking about how good it can be to have a fresh start. Or when they asked if anything stood out to her and she said no, they started talking about what they liked, when I could clearly see that she was having trouble understanding what was read. Not only was it majorly distracting to have it in the chapel right before church starts, with people trickling in and talking all around her, but the language of the Book of Mormon is old and often difficult for people to understand. I interjected a few times to help with these errors, such as, "I find it so interesting that you said you don't believe in fresh starts. What do you mean by that?" And she went on to explain that she believes everything happens for a reason. I was able to explain what I meant by fresh starts by sharing something relatable, like doing something dumb in front of a guy you like and then wishing you could move past it, and she was laughing and agreeing. Then later when she said she didn't get anything from it, I asked if she understood it, and when she said "no," I validated that and said, "Yeah, it can be so tricky to understand this old-school way of talking. Lots of people struggle with it." Then I ended up sitting next to her at church because the sisters asked me too, since they were leaving(!!) and they didn't want her to be alone. I made sure to ask her directly if it would be okay if I sat with her (and then it was funny because one of the sisters piped up and said, "Yeah, that'd be great if you could," and I was like, "Yeah, but I just wanted to ask her directly if it's okay with her.") She showed a lot of signs of anxiety, and I did my best to be friendly and a comforting presence and to relate to her. Also, McKenna showed up late and she'd previously been invited by a guy to sit with him, but she chose me over him! So she came in and plopped right down next to me and it made me happy to have a loving friend! It was very peaceful having her sit next to me and to chat and make faces at each other, and she even rested her head on my (bony) shoulders (which, I'm glad she is comfortable enough with me to do that, but I've discovered that I don't like people doing that because then I stiffen up and feel like I can't move or really breathe because I don't want to bump them or move my shoulder). So yeah, overall, really good day.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Stop It!

 2 May - 7 May 2023

Oh, what a week! I wrote in my journal this past week, "When the Lord invites you to walk on water with Him, it should be expected that you're going to falter and start drowning." I had some rough patches throughout the week, having some feelings I didn't know how to deal with appropriately or healthily, but the key things that got me through were grace and forgiveness from Jesus Christ, from my family, and from myself. Not letting a slip-up get me discouraged or define who I am. It is important to note that there are literal changes that happen in our brains when we are flooded with emotion that make it so we are literally incapable of rational, reasonable thought and processing. When we start feeling our brain slip into that state, it is crucial to STOP. Stop trying to make important decisions, stop trying to do anything extra than what is needful in that moment. And to start doing everything we can to soothe ourselves and our bodies. To turn to God for comfort, to use self-care tools, to ask people to extend grace and prayers to you.

This week was slightly more overwhelming when working with my clients than previous weeks, and I felt myself taking on more of their stressors/letting their problems start to affect me. And it totally was in part because my mental stability/groundedness was wobbly. But I got through the week, even learned to enjoy many aspects of it, and I gained some valuable knowledge and wisdom. One, I'm giving up on overcompensating in relationships. First of all, it's exhausting and draining. Second of all, it stems from an anxious place of feeling like I have to bribe them to be my friend or earn their attention and care--and that is simply not true. I value myself more than that. I am an incredible friend to have and I'm confronting that fear I have that people will stop paying attention to me or being around me if I do not constantly initiate interactions. I will reciprocate as much as they reciprocate. Of course, this doesn't mean I'll never initiate. I will test the waters every once in a while, maybe with important life updates or events I can invite them to, but then if they consistently do not reciprocate at all, I will re-evaluate why I am trying to have a friendship or relationship with that person and perhaps prayerfully put my efforts into other people and relationships that will yield more harvest (not just for me, but for them and for the Lord). Along these lines, I'm so over one-sided crushes and have been working to redirect my thoughts, gaze, and desires back to the Lord and to being a disciple of Christ. I didn't realize just how distracting liking a guy is from being able to focus on speakers at church and listen to the Spirit. When a guy isn't filling your awareness, it leaves more room to feel direction from God. And, you can more easily explore who you are and who you want to be. You don't even start to realize little habits you pick up that are not because of you. Thoughts, interests, desires (even a future that isn't fully yours) open up in  your mind, take residence, and detract from what is in your stewardship and ability to accomplish. It detracts from your individual and unique way of relating to the world and using your God-given gifts to make it a better place. I'm not sure if that makes sense or even adequately describes what I'm feeling, but I guess one way I've felt recently is free. Free from expectations and judgments I didn't need to be carrying and I have more control of my life because I'm not wondering/obsessing about things I don't have control of (does he like me, is he thinking of me, does he find me attractive, is he going to be there, what will he say to me, how is he taking what I do/say?). And my grounded answer is, WHO CARES! I like the way I look, I feel comfortable, I like myself, I want to go to that event, REGARDLESS of anyone else's thoughts or feelings or opinions.

So, anywho, I decided to make some changes to my life this week. I just changed my screen saver on my phone to a girl dancing on water with Christ, which I feel is a great representation and reminder of the things I can accomplish with Him. 

Also, I am discovering how much more effective therapy is when I plan it with Him, since He knows my clients so much better than I ever will. Now, for some important points from this week: I went to get a TB test for my internship at the group home. There wasn't any doubt, but in case you were worried... I tested negative! FHE on Monday night was SO fun! We had a combined activity with other wards in an airplane hanger (part of ALA's school) and there was pickleball, spikeball, corn hole, and a giant Connect 4 game. I absolutely had a blast and made sure to talk with tons of new people, and I played my best at pickleball yet! 

I went to ministering night on Wednesday and it was super fun! I teamed up with Emma and we went to visit the girls I minister two. One of them was home and answered the door, and we had a good chat with her! Then we went back to the house it was at for soft-served ice cream and games! Unfortunately for me, I was feeling a little anxious that night and started to let it get to me, so I left a bit early. But I am super grateful for it and that I had such a great talk with Emma. On Friday night, I had the Cinco De Mayo potluck. We had a great turn out and TONS of food! I wasn't feeling super well that day, but I was able to get in a quick nap and feel a bit better. 

My ear has been acting up all week ever since it burst last Saturday at the Luau from those crazy, screaming girls. Seriously. Shirtless Samoan dudes are SO overrated right now. RIP my ears. Yeah, but I had lots of good conversations with people that night and had lots of fun teaching some people how to ride the electric unicycles. My dad even pulled out his non-electric, regular unicycle for people to try! Karaoke was a hit! I went to stake conference on Saturday night and sat by my high school friend, Hannah O. We had brownies afterward and I socialized with lots of people, then left to meet up with my coworker at The Porch (a bar in downtown Gilbert). They were celebrating her husband's birthday and I wanted to show my support by coming to something she invited me to. I got there before her, so I sat outside on the swing and played a game of chess... LOL. But it was weird having my ID checked for the first time to go into somewhere. I didn't stay long, but I definitely got to see what kind of vibe goes down at a bar party. Oh, and the funniest part of the night (or one of them, I should say) was that my co-intern, Suprit, thought I was 21 years old! Haha, I'll take it! #foreveryoung

On Sunday, Valerie gave an AMAZING talk at the leadership training meeting. I opted to sit on a cushy chair and save a spot for McKenna instead of singing in the choir and sitting on the stand the whole time, and I'm glad I did because McKenna needed a good friend. After the meeting ended, we walked to my car and chatted for a bit before I drove her to her car (she'd parked down in another lot because the church lot was so full). She'd shared her story of addiction and falling away from the church during the Saturday night session, which took a lot of courage and energy. I'm glad I had some one-on-one time to ask her how she was and where she stood with everything and how I could support her. Also, Gracelyn LOVES Uncle Sean! Haha, she kept looking at him strangely, but granted, he was giving her some strange looks!

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Just For Today

 24 April - 30 April 2023

Hello, my friends! Another week, and I am honestly reporting that it was not as "happy" as the weeks before it, but it was a good week. Physically, I was not feeling up to par, but it's normal to have your physical highs and lows, soreness, exhaustion, hunger, etc. And what's cool is that despite not feeling my best physically, I still got to practice feeling my best mentally. What do I mean by that? Well, take Sunday for an example. It was fast Sunday, so I was abstaining from food and drink on top of physical exhaustion from all the service from the previous day and other minor things going on with my body. At one point, I was feeling very hungry and my stomach grumbled, and I kind of felt frustrated that I felt like crap and was fasting on top of it, but then I reflected, "Do I need food to be happy?" Can I skip a couple of meals and be hungry and still find joy in life? Can I have aches and pains in my body and still choose to do things that bring me peace or happiness or enjoyment? And I decided to believe the answer is yes. So what if my stomach is grumbling a bit. So what if my legs are sore. So what if I feel a bit loopy and tired. Those things don't need to bring my mood down because they are not permanent, nor are they the foundation on which my happiness rests. I'm in control of my happiness, not external circumstances. Not other people, and not even a sick or afflicted body. So was I bouncing for joy, giddy with happiness and excitement and passion for life? No. But that emotional flood is not all that defines happiness. What about having peace of mind? Or contentment? Or a willingness to keep pushing forward and stay in the present moment without dwelling on present or future cares? Chemically and hormonally, my body is not made to feel flooded with strong emotions all the time, and it didn't have the capacity to keep feeling "on top of the world," but the determination and optimism are still there.

Okay, so here are some highlights of my week: I got to see lots of clients this week, and am feeling incredibly blessed by the amount of relational hours I am getting. Looking at my current hours and the projectory for the rest of the year, I am right on track in all areas. I started making my therapy social media a priority and hope to make a big impact with that and gain a lot of followers. So far, I made a TikTok video and got a follower from it, and when I looked at her TikTok, a lot of it talked about her depression and cutting herself, and it just made me so grateful for the opportunity to be able to reach a wider variety of people and ages from multiple platforms: YouTube, Instagram, Facebook, and TikToc. I plan to post every Monday and am grateful for the opportunity I have to start making an impact NOW. I had a youth from one of my FSY groups reach out and thank me for my Missionary Approach videos; he says he's been following them and has felt the Spirit and been strengthened by them. That came at a time when I was thinking of quitting so I could put my focus into other areas, but now I feel like (with God's help, of course), I can do more and juggle more things. I've also been helping with the social media at my sign job, and even started a YouTube channel. I've filmed some print jobs on my phone and sped them up and we're going to be posting those for people to watch. I'm excited to start getting more creative and to help bring in even more clients! On Friday, I went to the Touch Angels office to meet with my clients there, and I fortunately only have three clients now! What a blessing. I feel like I can handle that much in the day. I had really good sessions with each of my clients, and one client went to show me all his key chains he has earned and collected from being sober for over a year, and it was super cool, and the group facilitator even gave me my own key chain! It's the very first one you get after one day of being sober in the group home. Little does he know I've been sober my whole life, but I'll take the "Just For Today." It's actually a really good motto and reminder to take life one day at a time and focus on what matters most for that day. 

An old friend from work has been canceling on me a lot lately and hasn't been the best at responding to text messages, and it's kind of frustrating. I'm not sure what to do. A big part of me feels like, "Well, if she's being a crappy friend, don't reciprocate or try so hard" and the other part of me feels like, "You know she's struggling and could gain a lot from a genuine, Christ-like example and friendship, so just keep trying and ministering." So I just keep inviting her to things, but I also don't have high expectations that she'll actually show up or follow through with the invitation. But at least she is invited. Saturday was a long and exhausting day. I woke up early to attend a stake service project at House of Refugees or something like that. They house homeless families for a year while the family works to get back on their feet. It's an incredible program and I wish we had more like it in place. We raked wood chips around the playground and shoveled up weeds for a couple of hours. 

Then I left with a small group to go set up for the multi-stake Luau activity. Dallin, me, Valerie, and Jasen all carpooled together over there, where we spent another two hours putting up chairs, tables, and decorations. Jasen was pretty tired and loopy, and kept making all sorts of jokes and tried to get Val to laugh a lot. It was pretty fun, but towards the end, my blood sugar was dropping from not having lunch or breakfast, and I was completely wiped. I got to take a small nap when I got home before attending the temple. Then I attended the Luau that evening with my two beautiful sisters, which was an AMAZING feeling. That I just have two best, eternal friends who I can do things with and know they always have my back. Sean and our two cousins, Cody and Collin, all carpooled over as well! It was really good to see them all. We stayed for pretty much the full 4 hours... CRAZY! I was so tired and sore by the end of it, but I was glad we stayed late enough to help take down chairs and tables. I woke up on Sunday with a headache and ruptured ear drum (which I believe is only temporary and will heal itself with time, and I think it came from this rowdy group of girls sitting on my left on the row behind me, shrieking every time the shirtless Samoan dancers were on stage. RIP my ear). 

I got to attend Lucy's ward to hear her speak, and I really enjoyed hearing her experience of turning to Christ and focusing on Him to help her stop worrying so much about the unknowns of college. I went back to sleep after that, then got up for my own ward. Which was good, despite me feeling a bit out of it still. And dinner was SO SO SO delicious. We had chicken pineapple burgers with all the fixin's. YUM. Then Val and I went to stake choir practice. Aww yeah! So, all in all, a pretty great week :).

And of course, I get to see baby periodically each week, and sometimes I actually remember/think to take pictures!

Much love, 

Emily Burnham

Pool Party & Pizzas!

 17 April - 23 April 2023

Hello to the one person who reads this! (Idk how many people actually read it, so maybe it's zero...). Anyway, this past week has been pretty great! I am really taking some things that I've been learning to heart, and I love that they've stuck with me for over a week and are still strong in force. It feels like a lasting change for the absolute better, and I'm so incredibly grateful. My whole literal life has changed by confronting a belief--a thought ingrained inside of me so deeply--that was both untrue and unhealthy. It took control and responsibility for my own wholeness and happiness out of my hands and put it on an unreliable and changing external source. This belief that another person had to complete me, that I had to find my "soul mate" or "better half," or that I wouldn't be completely happy until I was married or had kids. And that meant I could never be happy now. I really had to wrestle with the thought that no one else is going to complete me or bring me happiness. It's not their responsibility, and it doesn't actually work like that, despite all the messages we hear in the media. So if I'm unhappy, then it is my fault because it is my responsibility to make myself happy. And it truly is easy to do so with Jesus Christ because there is so much to be grateful for all the time. I can savor each moment, not worried about missing out on some level of happiness that is currently unobtainable to me. Nope, the highest and richest level of happiness is available to me right now through my Savior Jesus Christ, Who will help me do the impossible and improbably, to "walk on water" in these modern days. He has a purpose for me to fulfill, and He has given me this season of singleness to be fully devoted to Him. Because I've been single these past seven years, I've been able to graduate from BYU, serve a mission, and start a Master's program in marriage and family therapy (that I'm almost done with, btw!!! Just two and a half more quarters!). I will be able to serve so many people for the rest of my life because I took this time to dedicate myself to fulfilling a calling I've felt drawn to since I was in first grade: being a counselor. I am literally living that dream right now as I go through my internship. I am meeting with clients right now and getting to witness changes within them. And this is only the beginning! I'm working on writing books that I'm going to publish, both for my career and for my personal joy. And I'm going to look into public speaking gigs. I have so much potential, and I can only reach it because of this focused, dedicated time I've given to both the Lord and to schooling. And I wouldn't have had the time or energy or money to do so if I was married. Now, I know with God, everything is possible, and that He can provide a way in any circumstance. However, He knows me so well and has taught me so much and has perfect timing to help me in my life, and that's just how it needed to be for me. So, with all that being said, let me tell you about my week! Work has been busy because one of the realty companies changed their branding so ALL their realtors are ordering new signs, so that's kept us super busy. The good news is that they FINALLY fixed the overheating issue so we can actually print at full capacity again! That was a huge blessing. 

On Wednesday evening, I was set apart for my new calling and received a really sweet blessing that made me realize how aware God is of my health concerns and that He is going to be there to support me and heal me as I work to serve Him. On Friday, I didn't have any clients in the morning, so I actually went into work for a couple of hours and my boss bought us all lunch from Thai Chili To Go, which I actually am now obsessed with! I had to drive his big red truck to go get it though because he had to stay for a sign-material delivery. It was kinda scary, but everything went smoothly! Then I had supervision that afternoon, followed by a 1.5 hour session with a couple, and then I attended a swim birthday party with some girls in the ward. 

The highlight of my week was the weekend. Saturday was such a sweet day because I attended the temple in the morning and stared at the picture of Christ standing on some rocks in front of the water, and I LOVE that picture so much. As I stared at it that day, it felt like an invitation to come unto Him and go walk out on the water with Him. That all the tasks and obstacles in my life are nothing with Him because I can just walk right over or through them. Then I got to go shopping with mom and Lucy, and then I attended a baptism. Our ward has had a lot of them lately, and it's been incredible! Then we had the missionaries over for dinner and fed them, and I went to bed and slept for SOOO long. 

I went to church and had a great experience. I really felt the spirit touch my heart, despite feeling nervous about teaching RS because a full lesson plan never really came together. But it went well. (Just by reading the first paragraph of this blog post gives you a slight idea of where the lesson went... hehe). I felt the Spirit and know others did too, and that's really all that counts. Then I stayed for a hot shake at the linger longer to talk to some people (and had a really good conversation with Jasen about life and internship) before heading off to my first meeting as the new stake activities co-chair. Then after that meeting, I talked some more with my friend Jasen (who also had just gotten out of another meeting) while waiting to leave to go to my friend McKenna's house for dinner. She invited me and Val over to make pizzas! It was the cutest thing ever. Then we ended up talking for a couple of hours after, and she let us ride her family's segways! Then I went to bed. The end. :)

Oh yeah! And Sean moved into his new rental room in a house owned by our cousins. Val and I went with mom to check it out and I saw that their realty sign was made from my print shop! I'm excited for Sean because it sounds like this will be a much better situation for him than working overnight shifts at the prison.

Gracelyn is going to grow up to be an artist! ;)

Bulk-order printing!

Our chickens hatched out new baby chicks!!!!

The pizzas turned out yummy!

Rylee's baptism! There was a great turn-out!

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Because He Lives

 10 April - 16 April 2023

I feel like I've had a ton of opportunities for personal growth over the last month, which I'm incredibly grateful for, and I am working to maintain the mindset that brought me so much positivity, happiness, and energy. It's still in place, though old ways of thinking occasionally creep in and I have to pull the reins on them and redirect my thoughts to the truth. This past week was SO good, though. On Monday evening, I missed FHE because I had to practice my song for Sunday, a duet called Because He Lives. Our accompanist showed up with a different version of the song that was a half-step down (two sharps instead of three flats) and it really threw me for a loop (but also her playing did because she was not playing the notes on the page but was playing whatever she wanted that sounded good to her with what we were singing. I'm so used to following a piano, but since she was following us, it really threw us off. So we had a rough practice, but set up a follow-up practice for Thursday that went slightly better. On Tuesday after work, I got my last of the three massages I'd been gifted for Christmas. I think my bosses really appreciate my work insight, and I've been helping a lot with printing things on my own without their supervision, which I was so nervous about when I first started there. But it's kind of fun. Business has been low, so I've also been helping with marketing. Tuesday night, I went to play pickleball with my sisters and cousin Andrew and we had an absolute blast! Andrew is so fun to be around and carries a positive energy with him. Plus, whenever I was on Andrew's team, I won! 

Wednesday at my internship, after meeting with two clients, I had my picture taken by the office manager. She is an expert on social media and marketing stuff. On Wednesday evening, I got a new calling as the Stake Activities Co-chair, so now I have three callings! Thursday after work, I went to practice the song, and I was feeling a bit flustered and stressed, but I did better on singing my part (though I still messed up a few parts and we didn't have a perfect run). Then I had a really helpful chat with Jasen after about our friendship and if we were okay or if I'd done anything and it really helped me to recognize his expectations and was overall very helpful and positive, even if I maybe felt a little bit awkward. Thursday evening, we had Andrew's family over for dinner and games, plus I shared a spiritual message with them about happiness coming from a covenant relationship with God, not from relationships or other worldly means. They said it was very inspired. That evening, Val and I went to clean the temple, and we helped move chairs, fluff and vacuum carpet, brush the edges of the carpet with a giant toothbrush, and help clean the sconces with intricate jewel/beading like the chandeliers have, which was quite tedious! Then on Friday, I went down to the Touch Angels office to meet with some clients there before rushing home to meet with a client via telehealth (which she no-showed, and that turned out to be a blessing because then I actually got to eat lunch before attending my hour-long supervision meeting). That went well, and then I had an hour to finish packing for the ward campout that weekend. I drove up with Valerie and Tayla. I was pleasently surprised by how good of a time I had. Overall, when I look back on the ward campout, I was so grateful that I was able to have such a peaceful, in-the-moment, worry-free time. I wasn't thinking about clients or work. I was just able to talk to whoever was around me, get to know them better, have enjoyable conversations, smile, enjoy the activities, and relax. And bond with people around me. It was honestly miraculous. I wasn't worried or anxious or preoccupied. When we first arrived at camp, we started unloading stuff, but then went on a razor ride with Bishop and Brother Keadle for over 30 minutes. Bro Keadle followed so close behind bishop that we were literally eating their dust! After a long time of that, I felt it in my teeth, eyes, and had a pretty fine coating of dust all over me, and breathing was hard, so I covered my nose with my jacket, and finally they noticed and I asked if he could back off a bit, so that helped. Too bad I didn't think to say something sooner. Then we got back to camp, washed up (we literally had dirt in all the pores on our faces!!), and set up our tent and sleeping area. 

Then we had dinner and more people finally started arriving! We had a devotional at 9:30pm and sang songs around the fire, which was fun, and roasted random things (Jasen brought a ton of snacks and things to roast), and then the bishopric members started speaking and it went on long enough to where I started getting freezing!! But I survived. So after it was over, I booked it inside the cabin where it was warm. Then I pretty much stayed in there the rest of the night, eating snacks, talking to people, playing pool, and watching others play ping pong and pool. Then I got to try Jasen's laser outside and we chatted for a bit and he saw like 8 shooting stars and I saw zero... goodness gravy! Guess I'm blind or something, idk! Then I went back around the fire and chatted with people, then got ready for bed and went to sleep... *tried* to go to sleep. The biggest miracle of all was how well I was able to function and still be alert and kind despite being mega sleep deprived, because I did not sleep well (if at all) Friday night. I went to the tent around 1:30am and then proceeded to try and fall asleep for hours while I was cold and people outside were being super noisy. I don't remember falling asleep or waking up, but maybe felt like I was in a trance for a bit? As soon as it was light outside (around 5am), I left the tent and went to the cabin to get ready for the day. I waited quite a while for everyone to finally get up, and then for breakfast, and then we played games, like 9 square and spike ball. I did a lot of the unpacking/take-down work/packing up so we didn't have to worry about it later. It was fun to bond with everyone and play games. 

I was able to nap a bit on the drive home, and then shower and nap once I arrived home. Then I had a date to get ready for with Blake, Spencer's roommate. I'd texted him "Happy Easter" and then we kind of started chatting after that, and then Spencer asked me to find a date to join his group date Saturday night, so I mentioned the possibility of going with Blake, so then Blake asked me. I was tired and sleep-deprived, so I asked how long it would be, and he said an hour. So I'm thinking it'll be about 2 hours total, including driving time. Nope! It was 4.5 hours! It was a lot of fun, and I was surprisingly coherent for being so sleep-deprived, but I was able to enjoy being in the moment and didn't feel any pressure or expectations. I was just able to have an enjoyable time and talk to people and get to know them better. We did two courses at Golf Land and then went out for gelato. 

But let me tell you... I slept SO good that night! So so soundly. It was really nice. Then Sunday morning, I woke up to get ready for an 8:30am meeting I thought I had, but when I showed up, no one was there, so I just went home... lol. I took good care of my voice, drank lots of herbal tea, and prepped for singing in church. I was so happy that Aaron, Brie, and baby Gracelyn came, along with my parents and sister Lucy, AND my grandma and grandpa Burnham! I'd invited a couple other nonmembers, but none of them showed. I got to church a bit early to practice beforehand, and on the drive over, I was feeling SO nervous and I hated that, so I pondered for a bit why I was feeling so nervous and then prayed and asked Heavenly Father to help me to just bear powerful testimony and for angels to sing with me, and for people not to even worry about what they hear with their ears, but to hear and feel with their spirits the truth of the message and His love. Then I felt much calmer. Plus, I'd had some revelation about how to improve my singing by leading and being more confident and focusing on testifying. So when we practiced, it went smoothly, and then when we actually performed, it was our best time yet going through it! And we got SO many compliments! I had so many people thank me for bringing the spirit and telling me that I had such a beautiful voice. My friend Mckenna said, "I didn't know you had pipes like that!" and Sister Rollins said I sounded like the princess in Enchanted. Gracelyn was really funny in sacrament meeting though because she kept making spitting noises and lots of people were looking over and laughing. Also, it was really cute because when it was time for us to go up to sing in between the speakers, Jasen waited for me in the aisle and then we walked up together, and then after the song when we walked down the stairs and off the stage, he paused to give me a side hug. Oh, I also got sustained in my new stake calling during that meeting! Anyways, my grandparents were super impressed, my mom was so proud and happy, Valerie said I did amazing, and even my dad said it was a great performance. I'm just so grateful for the opportunity I had to sing my testimony of Christ and reach people in a different way than my words. We ate yummy hamburgers for dinner and I went to stake choir with Valerie, and that was the end of my night!

Much love,

Emily Burnham

God Makes Me Complete

3 April - 9 April 2023

I feel called to repent, to change the way I've thought about the world, myself, and others, and to give up my fear and insecurities in relationships. I am the only one holding myself back from living my best life. I am the only person standing in the way of me acheiving my goals and working on my God-given purpose. My lack of confidence in what I have to offer, my searching for validation from other people instead of truly internalizing that I am a daughter of God, a God who has given everything in His power to make it so I can come back to live with Him. So that I can become like Him. Because of Him, I can become perfect, complete, whole. I don't need other people to fix or complete me. I just need Him. I don't need other people. Period. But I can learn from other people, inspire and be inspired from other people. But I don't need their validation or reassurance or permission to live a life congruent with my goals and desires to serve God by serving His children, by making the biggest impact in this world that I possibly can. And that isn't coming from a place of pride or wanting to appear good in the eyes of others. That is coming from a place of knowing God's plan of salvation in the premortal life and of knowing my love for my Heavenly Father. Knowing His plan is to save all of His children and to help them reach their full potential, I vowed to do my best to help Him, to serve Him. To do my part in bringing to pass the immortality and eternal life of each of His children. That means using every means and platform and avenue possible to make an inpact in inspiring others, to hlep them see the world in a way that opens them up to God's spirit. I've felt called to be a counselor from a young age, and I can use that platform to reach all types of people, and the ones I am called to help will find me, will be drawn to me, as I live my authentic and passionate life to the fullest. As I seek after what makes me happy and full of the Spirit. As I pursue knowledge of how to grow personally and in relationships to become your best self, and then as I share that knowledge with other educators and people, spreading good information, which can lead to good inspiration. I do not have to wait for ANYthing to begin doing this. There is no arbitrary requirement I need to reach first, such as getting liscenced or married or living on my own, in order to begin being who God has always meant for me to be. An example, a disciple, an achiever, a passionate person, a confident and choice daughter. Someone who turns to Him for happiness and lives a full and complete life by striving to follow Him. Emily, you are going to make an even bigger impact than you can imagine, and God is placing people in your life to remind you and inspire you, and you are called to return the favor. What you have to offer is priceless, because what God has offered is priceless, and you are offering what He is offering--love, compassion, empathy, forgiveness, hope, light, and direction. So don't you forget it. Don't you speak from a place of insecurity, of self-doubt, of arrogance or ignorance. Know Who makes you complete. Know Who you inherited your worth from. As a literal daughter of God, with part of Him in you, you have more potential than  you realize, and with that comes the power to make your God-given goals come true.

Now that I'm feeling so pumped up and inspired from writing all of that, let me focus on the highlights from my week, the moments that have brought me joy and have taught me lessons. I learned that I haven't been confident in my worth and value, which led me to overcompensate in some areas of my life (in my friendships that I want to deepen and in relationships with the opposite sex). But I also learned that there are other areas of my life where I am the perfect amount of confident and sure of my value (in my therapy office, inviting nonmembers and less-active coworkers to the Easter Catata). I learned that sometimes I overshare, or try to overhelp, and it can cross a boundary or line or create frustration (like in work, trying to figure out how to fix something beyond my skill set or comprehension). I think it comes from wanting to prove how valuable I am as an employer, like I have to prove my worth or something instead of owning the ways that I already am invaluable. The Easter Catata on Saturday was spectacular. Everyone who came felt the Spirit and had an incredible and sacred experience. I was struck with awe that I had sacrificed so many hours to be part of this choir and put on a performance that was truly inspired of God. I didn't have to. I easily could have done other things. But I chose to be part of the choir and made some incredible friends and met amazing people as a result. And got to feel part of something bigger than myself and dwell in a place where people were using their God-given talents to make the world a better place. There is no competition. We are all on the same team. Easter Sunday was good too, because I got to invite even more people to come hear me sing at church, got to connect with others, and got to spend some quality time with my family members.

We went on a date to Barnes & Nobles and read Dad Joke books. It was really fun!

The finished product! I stayed up SO late (or early, I guess) finishing this in time for Jasen's birthday! I feel like I could have done so much more (added more cacti or grass or rocks), but there always comes a point when you have to decide it is "good enough" or complete, and love and value it for what it is.

Besides, Jasen really like it! See how happy he is? He also like the cookie dough and miniature bibles I got him too!

Me looking gorgeous for our Easter Catata performance on Saturday! ;) We sung amazing songs like the Latin Vocal Point version of Nearer My God to Thee, the Bonner family's How Great Thou Art, Trust in You, You Will Be Found, etc. And we had some amazing soloists!

I went out with some friends after the night performance to chat and celebrate. My family came to the earlier performance (and the RS served us the most delicious taco lunch) and then my sister and friends came to the evening performance).

The elders had kinda joked about wanting a shirt like this, and of course with Val, there is no joking, only full-hearted commitment. So her and mom made these epic shirts and wrapped them up in fancing plastic bags, and the elders were so happy!

Lucy folded bunny napkins for easter dinner!

Another cute selfie of me on Easter Sunday.

Ummm... need I say adorable?! Mom got her the dress, and needless to say, the grandbaby+grandpa bond is very strong.

As is the neice and uncle bond!

And this is my newest best friend, McKenna! So stinkin' talented at singing, so warm and inviting and fun and sincere! And funny! We bonded at church a while back in the bathroom and then became choir buddies and now we're going to the ward camp out together, and I'm really looking forward to getting to do more things with her!

Much love,

Emily Burnham