Can you feel the love?

 22 February - 28 February 2021

Monday: I woke up early to get some homework finished up before class. I talked to a representative from a graduate program and discovered I am very uninterested in their program. I also found some healthy meals I can eat. I cut beans and apples and avocadoes and garlic out of my diet out of my diet and hope my tummy will feel better soon! Mira and I attended our ward activity on Zoom. It was a speed-dating type thing where we jumped from break-out room to break-out room and talked. 

Tuesday: So Mira broke up with her boyfriend and downloaded Mutual again, and guess what? Yeah, I did too... hehe. So now I have a date for next week, which I'm actually pretty excited about. I also took a walk in the cold, and decided to go down to the temple. I miss the peace I felt inside of there.

Wednesday: I felt very productive this morning, getting lots of school work done. I'm actually using my desk now that it's in a better position and more accessible. 

Thursday: In the morning, I went with Whitney to Trader Joe's, Burlington Coat Factory, and then DI. I got a new dress (I traded the one I got last time that didn't fit for one with pockets that is also really cute). Whitney bought a lot of things and I helped her find some cute outfits! That afternoon, I took my physical science midterm and got 100%!!

Friday: I attended class and then worked at the Harman building. Then Mira's grandparents took us both out to dinner at Aubergines. I got a meal, but I think I'm a bigger fan of their smoothie bowls and not the actual meals. Mira's grandparents were very sweet, and when they found out that I was single, they wanted to set me up with their grandson. Haha, apparently they texted the boys mom later and told them that I was very interested in their son. LOL... yeah I wasn't, but oh well. What can I say? Old people are cute! And quirky. Then we went home and watched Interstellar. It was so long, and honestly a bit boring. I wasn't a fan. But Mira was crying at some parts of it, so at least one of us liked it!

Saturday: I took a midterm on campus in the morning, then worked on homework for the rest of the afternoon. That evening, I got to babysit for the Nixon family. I hadn't seen them in a while, and they moved a couple of minutes further from their house into this even bigger and more gorgeous house/mansion. I drove Drew to Mapleton for a sleep over, then came back. I drove in one of their cars, which was so huge! I felt like I was in a semi-truck! Cole had just bought a 3D printer, so he was making lots of stuff. I gave them the idea to print the temple where their parents got married, since it was their mom's birthday the next day. I watched part of a movie with Cole and we had a fun time quoting the movie. I braided Kate's hair and helped her make a cake. Apparently, they had a really fun time, because the mom paid me a lot the next day. I really love those kiddos tho. I've also learned how to deal with and love their quirky differences. At one point, Cole told me not to break something or he would kill me. I lightly responded with, "Don't kill me, just send me to jail instead." I think the dad was happy I helped prep for their mom's birthday the next morning.

Sunday: I slept in super late, since I got home rather late (but I got $70 bucks out of it, so WORTH IT!!). I quickly got ready to go to church. We were running a couple of minutes late, so I decided that we should to go Relief Society first (since our ward is split in two, half the ward goes to sacrament, the other to second hour, then we switch). It was good that we did. A friend was teaching the lesson, and Mira and I both took the opportunity to speak up and share an insight. After church, I met with a cute girl in the ward to talk about family history ideas. Then Mira and I cut out a bunch of hearts to decorate an apartment's door in the ward, which was a service challenge we were given on Friday. It was so fun and turned out really cute. It was funny because as we were putting the hearts on the door, a guy who lived there that neither one of us had ever seen before opened the door (I guess he must have heard us) and looked blankly at us and the hearts on his door, then shut and locked his door again. Haha, so that was fun!

I know that whatever God has in store for my future, it's going to be great and I'm going to have many opportunities to love and uplift those around me. I still have no idea where I'm going to go to graduate school, but I have faith that everything will work out in God's timing.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Blessings

 15 February - 21 February 2021

What I want to focus on this week are the blessings that happened each day. On Monday, we didn't have classes. I asked my roommate Mira to braid my hair, which she excitedly agreed to do. I was so grateful. 

Another miracle that happened this week was that I was thinking of texting Julia Nixon because I missed her kiddos and wanted to come over sometime. Well, the same weekend I planned to text her, she messaged me and asked if I'd want to babysit for her one evening and that her boys missed me. That made me feel so loved and happy.

I was able to help a friend out. Tuesday night, I drove in the snow to go to a dental place where they train dental assistants, and let her take my teeth xrays and stuff. It was actually kind of painful, especially when she put the stuff in the wrong place in my mouth and it poked at sensitive parts of my gum. But she was so grateful and I was glad to help out. And I found out I have a cavity, so... yeah, I guess that's good to know.

On Wednesday, I took the time to rearrange my room, and I love it so much more now! It feels more roomy and open. I might actually use my desk space now! Ironically enough, as I was cleaning stuff out of my desk and getting organized, I found a pin that I got on campus from two years ago... and I did not find it amusing, especially after hearing back formally from USU's MFT program that I was not accepted. But the irony still gets me, so I thought I'd share. I was also able to chat with my roommate Mira and see how she was doing because she recently broke up with her boyfriend. We were able to talk about personal things, including religion and spiritual things. And it was nice because it all started off by me asking if she would play with my hair, which always feels great.

"What do you mean I didn't get into grad school? Avada Kadavra!"

I don't know if it it's because of quarantine and everyone decided to "quarantine clean" and get rid of a bunch of stuff, but DI actually has some good clothes and items! I went shopping there again this weekend and found a long sleeve green shirt that I really like. I love the other stuff I got when I went with Mira earlier in the week.

I got to see Becca and Whitney this week. I met with the BYU dietician and am going to start a new diet (the low FODMAP diet) to see if that will help my digestive system. I gave away some of my perishables and foods I couldn't eat to Becca and Whitney.

Friday was tough because I decided to donate plasma since I had covid and could get $100 every time I donate. But I was there for FOUR hours, waiting around to get all checked in and ready. I did it, even though it sucked because by the time I was actually donating, I was hungry from being there so long, and then they messed up on my left arm, so they had to do my right arm. Both got pricked :( and the left arm got a small bruise. But I felt fine afterwards. I'm still not sure if the $100 was worth it tho...

I had a fun time Saturday night. I went on an ice-skating date with Jacob. I got tired after an hour, and then started feeling a bit faint, so I think I still needed to take it easy after yesterday, but everything worked out fine. I was a bit tired and out of it at the end of the date, so when he walked me to my door, I went inside, chucked my stuff on the couch, then turned around and he was waiting there for a hug goodbye, but since I was on the step up, I was taller, so I just said, "Oh yeah, I should probably hug you but I'm just going to have to be taller than you" (something along those lines but that sounded more eloquent) and he said, "It's okay, it doesn't happen very often." I thought that was a clever response. 

Sunday was my favorite day this week. It didn't start out that way. In fact, I was feeling awful for most of the day, then super unmotivated and overwhelmed and depressed. Then my mom reminded me to get a blessing, so that evening, I asked a guy in the ward to give me a blessing. Right when they arrived, my roommate had friends arrive, so we talked in the living room and then played a game while waiting for the other people to leave. We played Skull King (and let's just say I destroyed everyone at that game... with 290 points and second place was -10 points, haha.) Then I was able to get the blessing, and it was exactly what I needed. I felt so comforted and heard and understood. All my insecurities were addressed--about not having friends or being able to make lasting friendships, feeling like I don't fit in. I will make lasting friendships and will fit in and belong. I will make choices that will bring me happiness, and God has blessed me with the capacity to make these choices. I need to choose to have hope. I'm so grateful for those two men in the ward who came over and ministered to me and changed my outlook.

I painted this frame before church

Also, I started watching The Good Doctor on Hulu, and I'm surprised I am actually enjoying it considering that it involves blood and organs and surgeries and stuff, but I can actually just tell that it's fake and can appreciate the complexity of the human body without getting grossed out (for the most part. There may occasionally still be something that makes me cringe on the inside).

Much love,

Emily Burnham

USU Interview

 8 February - 14 February 2020

What a week, with so many mixed emotions. Uncertainty, hope, disappointment, compassion, anger, peace, and love. To start off talking about this eventful week, I will first start with Monday evening, where I had my opening social with USU.

Monday: After a day of class and homework, I hurried off to the Harman building for USU's opening social. It went from 6pm to 8:30pm, and so much time was spent getting to know faculty members, graduate students, and the other applicants. Halfway through, my jaw was already aching from all the smiling I was doing (I wanted to make a good impression) and probably some tension I was feeling contributed to a sore jaw. 

Tuesday: The next morning, I got ready and packed a lunch, then headed off to the Harman building, arriving at 7:40am for the opening part of the interviews. The faculty went over the schedule for the day, and the more I learned about the program and what kind of classes I would be taking, the more excited I became. At 8:30am I had a quick 15 minute interview with the faculty members. At 9:30, I had an interview with a panel of the graduate students. I gave very thoughtful and good answers (even if I did feel like I had a slight case of word-vomit going on). One of the students even commented after I gave one answer, "I can see why the faculty chose to interview you." I was feeling very hopeful. I had a writing prompt sent to me at 11:30 that I had 15 minutes to respond to. Then at 12:45pm, I had a mock therapy session. I thought I did so well! I was able to be myself and lead a discussion. Between all of these interviews/assignments, we were able to join a Zoom link with a couple of USU grad students there to chat, answer questions, and give virtual tours. It was fun to chat, and after getting the tour of the facility, I was sold. It is new and modern, with plenty of windows and beautiful views. I wanted to go there so bad. Overall, I felt very good. I felt like I aced everything and was so pumped. We then had the closing meeting going until 1:30pm, and that's when the first signs of uneasiness crept in. The faculty said we had all done so amazing that they were going to have such a hard time narrowing down their choices to six, and that those who didn't get chosen were qualified and should still pursue a degree from a different school, since they couldn't take everyone but wished they could. Then the director said, "So if we don't choose you, it's because you're not the right person. We are looking for diversity." If they didn't call before Friday at noon, we were told that we didn't get in. Well, I'm your average Joe on the street. Even though I didn't admit it to myself then, deep down I knew I wasn't going to be chosen. 

Wednesday: I stopped by the Harman building because it was Shelly's last day in the office and people brought food for a potluck. I chatted with everyone for a bit, told them about how my interview went, then went off to find a quiet place to do some work. I had so much grading to catch up on. The good thing I learned is that if it is not too intense of grading (such as having to read and grade a paper), then I can have a movie playing in the background, which helps keeps me awake and keeps me motivated to keep grading (because the struggle is REAL when you have 100+ things to grade that are all so similar in content.

Thursday: I was having a hard day because I really wanted USU to call, and I had my phone handy and the ringtone turned up high. But the call never came. Then Whitney came over and we chatted, and then I felt like a terrible friend because I said some things that had been bottled up inside me for a while regarding our friendship, and it hurt her to hear it, and it hurt me to say it. Then I was crying, but it was time for my date that evening. My roommate Claire set me up on a date. We had a fun time planned, but then, the day of, she changed everything, and we left 2 hours and 45 minutes later than planned, and we didn't do the fun activity. I guess that also played into my bad mood that day.

Friday: Yeah, so as you have probably guessed, USU never called me. I expect a rejection letter will be coming in the mail sooner or later. Maybe I'm on the waitlist though, but I don't know how I would feel about that, being their second (or third) choice. But I also kind of hope for that because I have no idea what I am going to do with my future! I am striving to keep my faith in God's plan for me because I have no idea what I am going to do with my future anymore. Friday night, I had a second date with Alan (the bonfire guy). I went to his apartment and we made cookies and played board games. Well, let me just say that I definitely was able to get to know him better and am no longer interested in future dates. I was not comfortable or impressed. I don't know. Guys, maybe something is just wrong with me, or I don't know how to have fun on dates. I don't know. But I really am trying, giving it my all.

Saturday: I made the cutest invitations for a galentine's party. I didn't have any plans on Saturday, and I wanted to include any other girls who might be feeling lonely Valentine's weekend. I invited a bunch of people and five ended up coming. We just watched a movie, had cookies, and then had hearts that I'd cut out to make valentine's with. After my friends left, Becca stayed behind and we were able to talk for a long while. I really enjoyed it. She told me about a children's literacy class that she is taking. I want to take that class! I think it would be so fun to write stories for children. Late that night, I heart-attacked all of my roommate's doors.

Sunday: My family got me a Valentine's card. My dad wrote, "Hope you find a honey to spend the day with," so I made sure to take pictures of me and my honey to send to him (being the obedient daughter that I am). I wore my Valentine's dress to church, but didn't realize that I'd grown and it... hadn't. Haha, so I could barely breathe, but oh well. Too bad, cuz it was such a pretty dress and now I won't be able to wear it. After church, Mira and I went to heart attack the Bishop's house. It was fun! On the drive there, we waved happily at an unsuspecting man who looked thoroughly confused as to if he knew us. That afternoon, when Whitney was in church, I went to her apartment (which she always keeps unlocked) and decorated her wall with hearts and put candy and hearts and chocolates on her bed. She was very surprised and touched. I decided that I want to be a better friend--the kind of friend I wish I had. That evening, I ate watched a movie called Love, Kennedy. I cried at least seven times. I also talked with my lovely parents face to face, and I just loved being able to see both of them and talk with both of them at the same time. It filled my heart with such love and belonging. I am so grateful for my wonderful parents.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Never Fail Again

1 February - 7 February 2020

Monday: Today marked the last day of Valerie staying with me! We went on a short walk in the morning, but it was rather cold. We played a round of HP Code Names until it was time to leave to meet Shelly (one of my BYU Online supervisors) for lunch at a yummy Mexican restaurant. We had a good time talking and eating (until our stomachs were going to burst). Right after, I drove Valerie to the airport and dropped her off. I headed home and took a short nap. It was a super fun but really exhausting weekend. Then I had to work and hold a weekly exam review. That evening, I already felt the tendrils of loneliness seeping back into my life because it was so awesome to have my sister around.

Tuesday: Well, I had a lot of neglected homework to catch up on since I put it on hold over the weekend. I had a couple of papers to write and exams to study for. All the fun stuff! I finally started to get back into my routine of homework and responsibility, as fun as it is, haha.

Wednesday: After a long day of homework and studying, I prepped for our Family History Game Night by making a jeopardy trivia game. Everyone seemed to enjoyed!

Thursday: I got ready and went down to the Harmen building as early as I could. I finished studying for my Physical Science exam and took it. It wasn't too bad (I passed with a 90%). I spent a good chunk of my day there before heading home. That evening, I was picked up by Alan to go on a group date to the canyon to have a bonfire. It was good... but FREEZING up there. It was super icy everywhere, and it even looked like an outdoor skating rink in one place. The fire took a hot minute (or should I say, cold minute) to get started, but that helped us stay warm. Alan was very thoughtful and searched out gluten free graham crackers and dark chocolate so I could make smores too!

Friday: I met Hallie Gerlach in the Cougar Eat for lunch. She bought my lunch and got me a present! It was good to catch up with her and see how she was doing. Then I headed off to work at the Harmen building. Shelly was there, and she asked if I'd seen the storage closet. I hadn't, so she took me back there and showed me all the stuff that has been there for over a year that was fair game to have. I got so much free stuff! And some really cool, quality stuff! Like a mini speaker, a portable charger, and a bag. That evening, Julia in my ward invited me over to work on Family History and then I stayed and talked with them. They are a fun bunch to hang out with. Too bad I was exhausted and kept yawning, so I didn't stay for long. 

Sat: As you can probably guess by now, the majority of my day is filled with homework. In the afternoon, however, I stopped by Megan-Jean and Joseph's apartment to visit. MJ is six months pregnant with twins! It was fun to catch up and see their excitement for their babies and how loving they are to each other. In the evening, I had SO much homework to do that I'd pushed aside, so I finally finished around 10pm. Then I was bummed because I didn't get to do anything fun, so I decided to watch a movie, but then the movie didn't finish until one in the morning! Yikes... so then I was tired the next day and not at my best.

Sunday: I walked to church with my roommates, then stayed after to talk to a bunch of different people. Something funny that happened was that a guy in my ward complimented my dress as he was walking by. I quickly looked to see his tie to compliment him back, but he had already passed and I couldn't see his tie, but I just complimented it anyways. He paused, looked down at his tie, then mumbled something (maybe thanks?) and kept walking. It was funny because then I told a girl nearby me and she said he responded with "I don't have a tie" and I felt embarrassed until I realized she was just messing with me. After I got home, I rode my uni to my friend Kathy's apartment to drop off the candy bar she forgot. I went to Sunday School on Zoom and then took a little nap before heading over to Shelly's house to meet her family. They had the super bowl on and tons of snacks and treats. Shelly made sure to get things I could eat, and we even made biscuits that were yummy! I showed them my uni, and we walked with the dog down to the creek. It was fun to visit and feel like part of their family. Then they even fed me dinner and sent me home with heaps of leftovers!! It was delicious! After getting home, I rushed off to Whitney's house for Come, Follow Me. We played games afterwards, one of which is called "numbers" where everyone has a number, then the person in the middle has their eyes closed and calls out 2 or more numbers, and those people have to switch spots without getting caught or tagged.

One insight I gained on Sunday from someone who bore their testimony was about how people today are so afraid of failing. But she pointed out that the scriptures say that "Charity never faileth." So we need to look at different aspects in our lives where we are afraid of failing and then add some charity into the mix. Most often, that comes in the form of having charity for ourselves.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Best Birthday Weekend Ever!

 25 January - 31 January 2021

Well, the snowman I made last week didn't last very long... oh well. I spent a lot of time on homework this week to get ahead so that I could enjoy the weekend with my sister visiting, so there isn't much to report on. I did go shopping and spent WAYY more money than I'm used to, but I also did buy myself three presents... hehe. I've been really looking forward to this weekend! Before I get into what happened this weekend, let me see if I can remember anything of importance from the week that I should mention... oh yeah, I got a call and am getting an interview with USU! Only 19 people are coming in for interviews, and I'm one of them! I was filled with so much excitement when I found out!

Friday: It was so hard to focus on school work that morning, so I didn't get all that much done. Then Whitney picked me up to take me to Abergine, a yummy and healthy food place. I got a smoothie bowl, and while it was rather expensive, it was SO delicious! Whitney and I chatted and had a good time together. I felt very special and loved. Well, when I got home, I decided I better go on campus if I was going to get any work done, so I packed up all my work and headed down to the Harman building. I spent four hours there, cranking out as much stuff as I could until I was too hungry to work anymore. That evening, I had three girls come over for a game night. It was so fun! I didn't know them, but I just texted them out of the blue so I could get to know more people in my ward, and I had such a fun time!

Saturday: So, I may have stayed up super late last night, which meant I slept in. Then I had to rush to clean up my room and get ready to go pick Valerie up form the airport. I grabbed something to eat on the way and rushed off. It was so crazy seeing my sister. She looked so beautiful and mature, and my heart was so full. I had a smile on my face literally all day. I couldn't help it. We got settled back home and we made chocolate chip pumpkin waffles for a late breakfast, and then we walked around campus. I showed Valerie the new buildings on campus, and then we walked by J-Dawgs on our way home. Valerie was craving the taste of the special sauce, but she was going to go out to lunch with some old friends, so she insisted on buying me lunch (as long as I gave her a bite, of course) ;). Then Brooker's ice cream was just across the street, so we went there next, and I got this delicious salty dark chocolate coconut milk ice cream. We ate as we walked back to the apartment, and I was pretty sure I was going to experience death by chocolate! Valerie left to lunch with her friends, and I ate my J-Dawg til I was gonna burst! I made a delicious brownie cake with chocolate frosting, but filled with raspberry frosting on the inside. Then I took Valerie out to dinner at Bombay House. We didn't realize it was take-out only, so we ordered our food and then walked to Center Street while we were waiting. We went home with the food and it was pretty good, and VERY filling. We saved half of it for a meal the next day. That evening, we got everything ready for the game night. Lots of people came, and they all really enjoyed playing the games! Braeden got me a gift of modeling clay, and when we were cutting the cake, he had everyone share their favorite memory of me. It was so tender to hear everyone share the impact I'd had in their life. Everyone LOVED the cake! I really impressed them :) Kathrine and Mira stayed late and we played a couple rounds of Skull King. I am so grateful for all my loving friends. We pulled the couch cushions into my room and Valerie slept on them (she said they were much more comfortable than she was expecting, so that's good).

Sunday: We had left over Bombay House for breakfast. Aaron called to wish me a happy birthday, and I got lots of messages from loved ones. Church was good! The Osborns were so happy to see Valerie, and Valerie was so happy to see a lot of old friends! Plus I am convinced we saw Garret from Studio C (but we can't be 100% sure due to dumb masks). After church, my roommates jumped out of the kitchen and surprised me with "Happy Birthdays!" They had also decorated my mirrors with cute notes. I ate leftover cake for lunch, and then took a nap while Valerie went to see another old friend. When I woke up, I saw I had a message from my supervisor Shelly that said she left a gift for me on my front porch. There was the cutest balloon and she got me Emily-friendly ice-cream and crackers! She is so loving :) I dropped by part of a Come, Follow Me study group, which was great. I love sharing my thoughts about the scriptures. Then I made another cake, which was quite the adventure, and had over more friends to play games. And a lot of them brought me gifts! It was so sweet :). Everyone enjoyed the cake! It was a lemon/raspberry/strawberry cake. 

I love my Savior and Father in Heaven so much. This week, I have come to see how much more patient I have become. I am filled with so much more joy throughout the day. I laugh to myself all the time. School and work still overwhelm me at times, but I am SO much better at working through that and getting to a safe and calm place once more. I have been singing lots of primary songs this week about feeling my Savior's love and knowing that Heavenly Father loves me, because I feel the truth of that so strongly in my heart and soul.

Much love,

Emily Burnham