USU Interview

 8 February - 14 February 2020

What a week, with so many mixed emotions. Uncertainty, hope, disappointment, compassion, anger, peace, and love. To start off talking about this eventful week, I will first start with Monday evening, where I had my opening social with USU.

Monday: After a day of class and homework, I hurried off to the Harman building for USU's opening social. It went from 6pm to 8:30pm, and so much time was spent getting to know faculty members, graduate students, and the other applicants. Halfway through, my jaw was already aching from all the smiling I was doing (I wanted to make a good impression) and probably some tension I was feeling contributed to a sore jaw. 

Tuesday: The next morning, I got ready and packed a lunch, then headed off to the Harman building, arriving at 7:40am for the opening part of the interviews. The faculty went over the schedule for the day, and the more I learned about the program and what kind of classes I would be taking, the more excited I became. At 8:30am I had a quick 15 minute interview with the faculty members. At 9:30, I had an interview with a panel of the graduate students. I gave very thoughtful and good answers (even if I did feel like I had a slight case of word-vomit going on). One of the students even commented after I gave one answer, "I can see why the faculty chose to interview you." I was feeling very hopeful. I had a writing prompt sent to me at 11:30 that I had 15 minutes to respond to. Then at 12:45pm, I had a mock therapy session. I thought I did so well! I was able to be myself and lead a discussion. Between all of these interviews/assignments, we were able to join a Zoom link with a couple of USU grad students there to chat, answer questions, and give virtual tours. It was fun to chat, and after getting the tour of the facility, I was sold. It is new and modern, with plenty of windows and beautiful views. I wanted to go there so bad. Overall, I felt very good. I felt like I aced everything and was so pumped. We then had the closing meeting going until 1:30pm, and that's when the first signs of uneasiness crept in. The faculty said we had all done so amazing that they were going to have such a hard time narrowing down their choices to six, and that those who didn't get chosen were qualified and should still pursue a degree from a different school, since they couldn't take everyone but wished they could. Then the director said, "So if we don't choose you, it's because you're not the right person. We are looking for diversity." If they didn't call before Friday at noon, we were told that we didn't get in. Well, I'm your average Joe on the street. Even though I didn't admit it to myself then, deep down I knew I wasn't going to be chosen. 

Wednesday: I stopped by the Harman building because it was Shelly's last day in the office and people brought food for a potluck. I chatted with everyone for a bit, told them about how my interview went, then went off to find a quiet place to do some work. I had so much grading to catch up on. The good thing I learned is that if it is not too intense of grading (such as having to read and grade a paper), then I can have a movie playing in the background, which helps keeps me awake and keeps me motivated to keep grading (because the struggle is REAL when you have 100+ things to grade that are all so similar in content.

Thursday: I was having a hard day because I really wanted USU to call, and I had my phone handy and the ringtone turned up high. But the call never came. Then Whitney came over and we chatted, and then I felt like a terrible friend because I said some things that had been bottled up inside me for a while regarding our friendship, and it hurt her to hear it, and it hurt me to say it. Then I was crying, but it was time for my date that evening. My roommate Claire set me up on a date. We had a fun time planned, but then, the day of, she changed everything, and we left 2 hours and 45 minutes later than planned, and we didn't do the fun activity. I guess that also played into my bad mood that day.

Friday: Yeah, so as you have probably guessed, USU never called me. I expect a rejection letter will be coming in the mail sooner or later. Maybe I'm on the waitlist though, but I don't know how I would feel about that, being their second (or third) choice. But I also kind of hope for that because I have no idea what I am going to do with my future! I am striving to keep my faith in God's plan for me because I have no idea what I am going to do with my future anymore. Friday night, I had a second date with Alan (the bonfire guy). I went to his apartment and we made cookies and played board games. Well, let me just say that I definitely was able to get to know him better and am no longer interested in future dates. I was not comfortable or impressed. I don't know. Guys, maybe something is just wrong with me, or I don't know how to have fun on dates. I don't know. But I really am trying, giving it my all.

Saturday: I made the cutest invitations for a galentine's party. I didn't have any plans on Saturday, and I wanted to include any other girls who might be feeling lonely Valentine's weekend. I invited a bunch of people and five ended up coming. We just watched a movie, had cookies, and then had hearts that I'd cut out to make valentine's with. After my friends left, Becca stayed behind and we were able to talk for a long while. I really enjoyed it. She told me about a children's literacy class that she is taking. I want to take that class! I think it would be so fun to write stories for children. Late that night, I heart-attacked all of my roommate's doors.

Sunday: My family got me a Valentine's card. My dad wrote, "Hope you find a honey to spend the day with," so I made sure to take pictures of me and my honey to send to him (being the obedient daughter that I am). I wore my Valentine's dress to church, but didn't realize that I'd grown and it... hadn't. Haha, so I could barely breathe, but oh well. Too bad, cuz it was such a pretty dress and now I won't be able to wear it. After church, Mira and I went to heart attack the Bishop's house. It was fun! On the drive there, we waved happily at an unsuspecting man who looked thoroughly confused as to if he knew us. That afternoon, when Whitney was in church, I went to her apartment (which she always keeps unlocked) and decorated her wall with hearts and put candy and hearts and chocolates on her bed. She was very surprised and touched. I decided that I want to be a better friend--the kind of friend I wish I had. That evening, I ate watched a movie called Love, Kennedy. I cried at least seven times. I also talked with my lovely parents face to face, and I just loved being able to see both of them and talk with both of them at the same time. It filled my heart with such love and belonging. I am so grateful for my wonderful parents.

Much love,

Emily Burnham