Happy Halloween

 25 October - 31 October 2021

I was able to do lots of school work during work early on this week. On Tuesday, I had voice lessons with Christina Jarman. I am working on "The Next Right Thing" from Frozen 2. I love that song. I went ice skating later in the morning. That evening, I brought over leftover dinner to my ministering sister, Savannah. On Wednesday, I worked and attended Come, Follow Me study group in the evening. I felt the Spirit. Sometimes I feel impatient or annoyed with I attend these types of events because the people don't do a good job leading the discussion, but I am always humbled and reminded that it is Jesus Christ that teaches me through the Spirit. I will always feel the Spirit with the right intentions and attitude. And I did. The Spirit taught me, for a little moment. Even though overall the lesson was dragging on. So I don't know if I want to keep going back. On Thursday, I played racquetball in the morning with mom and Sean. I suck. But I think I'm getting better. I attended a free institute lunch. The food was really good, but the company was super weird. That evening, we caught the tail end of institute and then went to the stake dance. We all dressed up. I was Cinderella when she was a worker-slave. Friday evening, we had our ward Halloween party in our yard. I wore Lucy's Maleficent costume. I think a lot of people had fun. I didn't. Lots of people showed up two hours late, and I was already wiped out and just went to bed by 8:30pm. On Saturday evening, Lucy had a party for her friends. At first, only one person came. But a lot more showed up 2 hours late. We made homemade smoked pizzas that were SO good! On Sunday, I saw some tall cute guys visiting our ward, which made me excited. I forgot how nice it is to look forward to being around attractive men. I made an effort to go over and talk after sacrament meeting, but nothing really happened. Oh well. I went with my ministering partner to drop off cupcakes to the sisters we minister to, then made it back a bit late for family dinner, which was yummy mashed potatoes and roast. Then we had a lot of family come over in the evening to visit and play games--grandma and grandpa Burnham and Doug, Heidi, and Zeb.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

I'm Still Alive

 18 October - 24 October 2021

Monday: I called Becca Harper to catch up and share an insight I'd learned from institute. It was really good and fun (until Bob showed up, since I was at work). It wasn't busy at all, but I don't like the feeling of getting in trouble. For FHE, our ward went to a pumpkin patch/corn maze. I invited Lucy to come along, and I'm so glad I did! After paying to get in, I wasted no time in playing the games and going around to try everything. I felt like a little kid and had fun trying everything out, even the jumpy air things. I don't know where all that energy came form, but I sure had a blast hanging with Lucy all night. We joined up with Valerie and some people in our ward in the corn maze, and Lucy had a fun time hiding and then scaring people. After we got home, Val and I got ready and went to the temple at 9:30pm to clean. I was very tired, but grateful for the opportunity to serve in the Lord's temple, especially since it is closed down for 1.5 months.

Tuesday: Even though I slept in, I was still tired the next morning. I met with my faculty member at Capella university via Zoom, and it was good to hear some advice and tips from her. I then had voice lessons right after with Christina, and I'm excited to work on my next song from Frozen 2, The Next Right Thing. That evening, I attended our stake basketball tournament, and good thing I went! Only four other people were there, so we had exactly enough players to not forfeit. We one the first game and then lost the second game, but wow, it was a good work out, even though I jammed a finger and twisted an ankle. 

Wednesday: I went to work and did some schoolwork. That evening, I went to a fitness class with Rachel from my ward, and it was high intensity. I was sore for days after. Then I attended Come, Follow Me at the Gallagher's home, and I had some cool insights. I am still struggling to feel like I fit in and have friends. I feel lonely a lot and very sad. I question if what I'm doing is right. I don't know, but I am trying my very best to stay close to Jesus Christ. 

Thursday: I love the days when I don't have work! I had a meeting with my academic coach. I went shopping and got a present for Bri's birthday (some nice socks). Lucy had a badminton dinner in our yard that evening, and mom made gluten-free pasta for me and had all the carnival games out to play. Then mom went with me to institute, where we discussed gender roles and The Family Proclamation.

Friday: I don't look forward to the weekends anymore because I have to work Friday and Saturday. And I was so busy on Friday, I didn't even have time for school work or anything! Work has been frustrating because I've been told my #1 job is to please the customers and help them any way I can by my manager, but then I've also gotten trouble by the general manager for not doing things his way when I help customers. Usually, it is because the way they want to help me is not actually in my job description, but the managers aren't around to take care of it, so I do my best and then get in trouble. It's so frustrating. And it's frustrating that I have to do people's jobs that I shouldn't have to because other people don't do or because the "higher ups" pawn off their work "busy work" on me. The rink needs better management, organization, and workers. But with minimum pay, they aren't going to get the best workers, and I'm not in a position to improve management, so there's nothing I can do. I'm just stuck. I was getting so depressed about working my job that I gave myself a timeline. I'll keep it for now until February, and then I'm free to get something else. That way, I can continue to do schoolwork in the mornings 2 or 3 days at work, while holding on to the hope that there is something better out there that I can look forward to. Or perhaps I'll work it til the summer and get a job nannying for the summer somewhere cool, like Florida, back East, or even a different country! But I just need things to look forward to that feels like progression or new experiences, where I can meet new people and find a place or job where I fit in. After work, I went with my family to play raquetball (I still suck, but I go to bond and to get a work out). 

Saturday: Work. Busy. Went home and de-stressed. The highlight of work was Lia. I recommended a lot of books to her a week ago, and she checked some out from the library and liked the one she started reading, Strong Like the Sea. That made me happy! I also recommended lots of books to my co-worker Kyleigh, so I'm excited to see if she likes them. That evening, I attended my family's ward Halloween party. Dad and I rode our electric unicycles there. I went as Mini Mouse. Lucy was a scary clown in the haunted house, which was super cool, and then my mom brought most of the games that were there, since we have tons of carnival games. I helped clean up after, then rode my uni back home and watched the movie "Monsters and Love" which was pretty good. I helped Lucy write her talk for church this afternoon, and then late at night, she tripped down the stairs and twisted her ankle pretty bad.

This week, I noticed that on the day I didn't have the chance to read my scriptures in the morning at work or before, I had a terrible day! Then as I drove home, I realized that reading my scriptures would make my day so much better! On Sunday, I helped Lucy with her hair and make-up and catered to her since she was in a lot of pain. Even though she takes a lot from me and doesn't give back as much as she takes, I realized that is the same with me and Heavenly Father. I take so much more from Him than I could ever give back, but he doesn't complain about it. So I will just keep serving and loving, relying on my Savior for strength. After church, I attended ward choir, and then this evening we have a stake devotional.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Whitney and Elder Soares Visit AZ

 11 October - 17 October 2021

This was such a long week! As I'm looking back on the week to start writing about it, I'm like, WOW that felt like two weeks ago. What made it so long, you ask? I started classes on Monday for my master's program, and I had to work an extra day at the ice rink this week. Plus just random events and things I went to this week, which I'm excited to share about (although the title of this week gives a few things away...). 

Okay, so if you didn't already know, I have mixed feelings about my job. It's kind of been a swinging pendulum of love-hate. So many things make me uncomfortable or annoyed (lots of cussing or how I'm treated at times), but there are also benefits, like being able to do school work up front when it's not busy and having missionary opportunities. So far, being able to do school work is tipping the scales in favor of keeping this job, so that's nice. On Monday, I spent about three hours on my classes during work. In the afternoon, I made a TON of gluten free flour :). In the evening, my mom took us to the movies to watch the last James Bond movie, since we had discounted tickets from the T-mobile Tuesday app. The movie was just sad, because there is so much heartbreak and loneliness from living the spy lifestyle because you can't trust or let people in. I think I'm just fine with being an average Joe on the block.

Tuesday morning, I woke up SO happy. Like, so so so happy. I didn't have work and I got to sleep in. I had all these ideas of ways to share the gospel of Jesus Christ at work as I was waking up. I don't even know all that I did that day, but I remember having lots of energy and smiling. The YSA missionaries stopped by in the afternoon to visit with me, and I was able to share my ideas with them. They were very impressed and excited about my enthusiasm. I attended the ward basketball game that evening. We lost, but I played super well. I missed all my shots, which is typical, but I think I realized why. I get so distracted by all the people around me instead of focusing completely on the basket and ball, zoning them out, and making the best shot I can. I need to work on honing in my focus and I think I'll do a lot better. But I did make some awesome blocks! And I got a ball to the face, crushing my nose (second time in a week!) when a guy threw a pass out of bounds and it ricocheted off the stage and straight into my face.

I worked Wednesday. Woot woot. (Please note that this was typed in sarcasm).

On Thursday after work, I played badminton with mom in our yard for about an hour. We were preparing for the birdie bash on Friday, which was Lucy's badminton team's fundraiser. You pay to play a team member, and if you win, you keep your money. If you lose, they keep your money. I made Lucy the most delicious dinner and then went to institute, where we discussed garments and modesty. They brought up some really good points I'd never thought of, one of which was how Adam and Eve tried to cover their nakedness on their own, using leaves that were not durable, trying to solve a problem on their own instead of turning to God. Then God offers to make them garments out of skin, which requires sacrificing an animal (one that Adam and Even knew pretty well from the garden and loved) and offered better protection. This imagery and connect to Jesus Christ was powerful.

Friday, I attended the birdie bash after work, and I lost BIG against Lucy. Dang, she is GOOD. But it was a good work out. That evening, I had dinner plans with Whitney! She came to AZ to visit her grandparents in Mesa, so I went and picked her up, then we drove to dinner. I was surprised by how natural it was, that as soon as we were together again, it seemed like no time had passed, or like we had never been apart. I'd never experienced that before, but it was just another reassurance that Whit is an eternal friend of mine, no matter where life takes us. After dinner and chatting, we walked back to my car, and this woman asked to borrow a phone because her car was stolen. She seemed out of it (may or may not have been on drugs with her glazed eyes and shaking hands and mumbled words that didn't make much sense) but we brought her to the restaurant and helped her the best we could. They called the police to come sort it out. Then I dropped Whitney off and drove the 25 minutes home.

I worked Saturday, then came home and crashed. It was just such an exhausting week. That evening, I wanted to do something. Mom and dad, Briesa and Aaron, were all invited to Kim's murder mystery.  Valerie had gotten invited to another murder mystery by someone in the ward. Lucy saved all her homework to do that night. I texted so many people (okay, 18 to be exact) to see if they wanted to do something, like go ice-skating, and everyone who responded couldn't. Lucy even tried to see if her friends could hang out with me! Lucy finally said that if she finished her homework in time, she would go with me. I helped her for three hours, and I knew we weren't going to make it, but I felt good serving and helping her, since she was dreading this assignment so much and stressing over it.

Sunday, I looked super cute. I wore my new peach dress. I had a spiritual and humbling time at church. In Sunday School, I had such strong feelings of dislike for our teacher (because of his teaching style, which consisted of him talking in a monotone, saying stuff that easily caused us all to zone out). I finally reminded myself that I don't go to church because of the teachers or speakers. I go because of Jesus Christ. I was able to read through the scriptures and feel the Spirit and feel patience. Insights came to my mind. I still felt a bit antsy towards the end though, when it again was dragging out with the teacher's ramblings. After, I went to the linger longer, looked around, tried talking to some people, and then was overwhelming with frustration and I left straight out the kitchen door and got in my car. As I drove home, tears filled my eyes and I cried out, "Heavenly Father, why don't I have any friends?!" Then immediately I thought, Jesus is my friend. I tried hard to be outgoing today and to talk to people. I'd invited a bunch of people to do stuff the evening before. I look around at everyone else with their friends and feel like an outsider. I tried to include or talk to people who look like they don't have friends either. And... nothing. I still feel so alone in a crowd of fellow church people. I went home and made the most delicious lunch and then laid on the massage chair and listened to an uplifting audiobook (Charming Artemis) about two people who also feel horribly lonely. That afternoon, I attended the regional devotional Elder Soares was speaking at. We left an hour and a half early to pick some girls up to carpool and then get there an hour early to get decent seats (we were still on the hard chairs, but not too far back that we couldn't make out the people on stage). I just really needed to hear from an Apostle of the Lord that night. My wounded heart soaked in his words and I gained new thoughts and answers to things I've been struggling with. Lately I've been struggling with knowing if the choices I'm making are in line with Heavenly Father's plan for me. Elder Soares said that Heavenly Father has a plan for each and every one of His children. It is to come to earth, get a body, and gain eternal life. It isn't always specific. The thought hit me that as long as my goal is eternal life, then the choices I'm making are mine, and I'm following God's plan if my choices are in line with attaining eternal life. In my ethics class in my MFT program, we watched a video and had to respond if we have any biases towards homosexual couples and how we can overcome that in a therapy session. I had mixed feelings and honestly wasn't sure. Then at the devotional, Elder Soares talked about having love and compassion for the LGBTQ community, and the answer I received from God that associated with sinners is not sinning! Just because I am helping them and working with them and loving them and having compassion, I am not enabling them to keep sinning. The sin is their choice, not mine. It is only my duty to love and not judge. That is all the Savior expects of me. There were also some good insights about getting married, and how it'll never happen at the "perfect time" or in the "perfect way" and how it is an act of faith because we don't know 100% if it's going to work out. And because marriage is eternal, I can wait eternity to find the right one, and he will be my friend, the one I've been longing to have, and it'll be so worth the wait. I can endure the loneliness now.

So it was a good and hopeful ending to such a long week, and I am grateful for the improvements I am making, little by little, in the way I think and behave. I know I am going to have so many wonderful friends in the future. Some people get to experience bits of heaven on earth, but I am so grateful I get to look forward to experiencing heaven in heaven, for eternity.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Mexico!

 4 October - 10 October 2021

I finally made it out of the country! (And most importantly, back inside the country). We travelled just an hour outside the country, but who's counting? ;) My family took a trip to Rocky Point, Mexico. We left Monday morning and made it to Mexico in time for lunch at Pollo Lucas. They had some really yummy smoked chicken and rice and beans. We walked around the shops while waiting for the time we could check into our Air B&B. It was small, but pretty nice inside, with two bathrooms and a kitchen. The bedroom had two bunkbeds and was located right when you walked in the entrance, but the mattresses where the most uncomfortable ever! We went down to the beach for the afternoon, and I was SO tired. I took a nap on the beach while listening to Brides for Brothers, which I listened to on the drive up as well and love it! I got into the water for a bit. We met up with Aunt Lorie and had dinner with her and her husband and cousin Caleb. We had to wait an HOUR for the food to arrive, but it was very good. But maybe not worth the wait. Oh well. I slept pretty well because I was so tired. Once I fell asleep, I didn't wake til the morning. 

Tuesday, I slept in because I was still so so so tired. Then we got read and went to the beach for the rest of the day. We played in the waves, which were huge! The water was SO salty. Yuck. Then we went for a late lunch/early dinner, with Lorie's family again. They picked out the place, which was not that good, but fine. These places they pick out have flour in their chips, so I could never have the appetizers! Oh well. Then after we went to this other beach that was 20 minutes away that was supposed to have cool shells, but there wasn't anything good. We saw a couple of live crabs though, and dad faced off against one. It was funny. The crab kept turning to face dad wherever he walked. Then we went back to the beach by the resort and played in the sand before calling it a night.

Wednesday morning, we packed and got ready, then met Lorie's fam for breakfast at Candy Cakes, which had really yummy looking food. I got this dish of beans, rice, potatoes, and a type of meat/sausage on a crispy corn tortilla. Then we drove home, and Lucy and I made it back into the USA with our license and birth certificate.

I worked on Thursday, Friday, and Saturday. I am trying to have a more positive attitude about work. To be kinder and humble. But as the time goes on, I keep thinking how much I really hate working at the ice rink. It is just a dark environment. Lots of cussing and debby-downers, a bar nearby, and everyone carrying around their coffee. It's just missing the light of Christ, and I can definitely tell the difference. But I just have to keep working there until another job comes along. Until then, I'm trying to be a light and a Christ-like example.

Thursday night, I went to institute. I love the Answers to Burning Questions class. Last week we talked about Women and the Priesthood. Today we talked about Heavenly Mother. It was good to reflect on how I've been thinking of my Heavenly Mother lately and Her influence in my life. She's been in my shoes and can understand in a unique way about my trials as a woman.

Right after work on Saturday, I went with my family to Sun Splash. We had a good time on the rides and were there for 2.5 hours. The best part (besides getting the tickets for free from Briesa) was that there were no lines! But wow, we got wiped out from all the climbing! I really like the "Double Dare" ride that dropped you straight down. You stand on a platform that collapses under you and you go down this tube slide. We went home and had homemade beans and rice.

Fast Sunday was good. I slept in so so so late. I couldn't get out of bed! I guess I was worn out from the whole week, from travelling, working, and then going to Sun Splash. I got ready for church in like 15 minutes! I got asked to say the closing prayer and took that as my opportunity to bear testimony instead of going up to the pulpit, since a lot of people like to go in our ward. I mentioned both women having priesthood power through keeping covenants and Heavenly Mother in my prayer. I'm grateful for the revelation God has been giving me lately. I fasted today for more energy to be diligent in studying my scriptures and increasing my spirituality. Also, as I worried about if I was where I needed to be in the gospel, my mission therapist's voice reminded me to "stop worrying about myself and focus on others." We ate the most delicious dinner. I think smoked burgers are my new favorite meal, even beating out smoked home-made pizzas.

Now is the time to prepare to meet God. That is and should always be my main focus. I want His light to always be around me.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Murder Mystery Escape Room

27 September - 3 October 2021

On Monday, I went to work at the ice rink. I had to finish painting a picture with a bat in it for Lucy's mutual activity, which was a murder mystery escape room type thing. The group's clue was "bat" and they would think it was a baseball bat in the gym, but really, behind the painting was their clue.

I finished Aaron and Briesa's wedding gift. Mom made the frame and I stained it. That evening, I attended my first learn to skate class. Oh, it was not my favorite. One of the other skaters there (who also happens to be my coworker) was annoying me, and I fell and banged up my knees, and me right foot hurts from skating. But I did learn some things to improve on.

Wednesday was the big day! I worked at the rink because I traded shifts with another girl, so I worked an extra hour. Then I went down to the church for the murder mystery. I was the one being murdered! I had to wear a shirt with red paint splotched on the back. My parents and sister Valerie came dressed as CSI agents. We hid in the stairwell leading up to the stage and waited for our ques. When the lights went out, I ran on the stage and laid down as if I were dead, and Lucy's friend screamed. Then the lights flickered on, and people were shocked to see a body on the stage. Then Valerie and my mom burst in and said "CSI, everybody freeze!" And they investigated the crime scene, then closed the curtains so I could hop up, change into a CSI shirt, and join them in crowd control. We walked around inside, taking notes on suspects and helping anyone who was stuck on a clue. It was a fun night, and all the hard work paid off!

On Thursday, I didn't have to work, but I went skating for exercise, and again, it wasn't all that fun and my foot just hurt after. I am so sad because I want to still love ice skating, but maybe working at that place has ruined it for me. I went to institute in the evening and we had a great discussion on women and the priesthood of God.

I worked Friday, then attended a girls night with girls from the ward. We did paraben hand waxing and facials. It was okay, but I didn't really connect with anyone there. I am still looking for a good friend. At least Valerie came with me. AZ sunsets are by far the prettiest I've ever seen.

Saturday was awful. When I showed up to work at 7am, there was a group of people standing outside. It turned out that the guy opening had slept in. I didn't know that, so when I slid open the doors, thinking they were broken or something, I triggered an alarm (so basically broke in, though whoever locked up should have locked the doors so that couldn't have happened) and the police called the manager Bob (which I didn't know until he showed up 45 minutes later and was angry). So he took his anger out on me, and I was in a terrible mood, then I also started my period, and then I felt like my supervisor was being short with me and we had a slight argument. Finally I got to go home, and 20 minutes after being home, my supervisor called to talk. I went in my parents' room while my family was out watching conference. He apologized for the misunderstanding that day and then had feedback from the top manager dude to give me about being unprofessional and offending customers when I tell them I'm only working this job temporarily, which came as a total surprise, and I felt awful. I took the call gracefully and meekly, and I will improve and do better. I know I've made mistakes and I'm learning important lessons. But let's just say that day took quite the emotional toll on me and I am so glad I have Monday off! I think that exhaustion leaked into watching the evening Saturday session because I fell asleep during most of it, even though we had some young adults over from the ward (Val had invited the whole ward, only a few showed up). We played skull king afterwards, which I was dominating at, even though we didn't keep scores.

Sunday was really good. I got to talk with my mom and reflect over lessons I'd learned from what had happened the day before. I got to watch conference with my family, all of us on the couch, and then I got to take a nap between sessions. I had some good insights that came into my mind as I was watching about how my purpose, the thing that will add the most purpose to my life, is to love and uplift those around me, just whoever God puts in my path. No matter if I'm going to school or not, working or not, I will always have a calling in the church, people in my ward, and my family to serve and send God's love to. Plus no matter what job I hold, I can be an example of Jesus Christ's love. 

Much love,

Emily Burnham