11 October - 17 October 2021
This was such a long week! As I'm looking back on the week to start writing about it, I'm like, WOW that felt like two weeks ago. What made it so long, you ask? I started classes on Monday for my master's program, and I had to work an extra day at the ice rink this week. Plus just random events and things I went to this week, which I'm excited to share about (although the title of this week gives a few things away...).
Okay, so if you didn't already know, I have mixed feelings about my job. It's kind of been a swinging pendulum of love-hate. So many things make me uncomfortable or annoyed (lots of cussing or how I'm treated at times), but there are also benefits, like being able to do school work up front when it's not busy and having missionary opportunities. So far, being able to do school work is tipping the scales in favor of keeping this job, so that's nice. On Monday, I spent about three hours on my classes during work. In the afternoon, I made a TON of gluten free flour :). In the evening, my mom took us to the movies to watch the last James Bond movie, since we had discounted tickets from the T-mobile Tuesday app. The movie was just sad, because there is so much heartbreak and loneliness from living the spy lifestyle because you can't trust or let people in. I think I'm just fine with being an average Joe on the block.
Tuesday morning, I woke up SO happy. Like, so so so happy. I didn't have work and I got to sleep in. I had all these ideas of ways to share the gospel of Jesus Christ at work as I was waking up. I don't even know all that I did that day, but I remember having lots of energy and smiling. The YSA missionaries stopped by in the afternoon to visit with me, and I was able to share my ideas with them. They were very impressed and excited about my enthusiasm. I attended the ward basketball game that evening. We lost, but I played super well. I missed all my shots, which is typical, but I think I realized why. I get so distracted by all the people around me instead of focusing completely on the basket and ball, zoning them out, and making the best shot I can. I need to work on honing in my focus and I think I'll do a lot better. But I did make some awesome blocks! And I got a ball to the face, crushing my nose (second time in a week!) when a guy threw a pass out of bounds and it ricocheted off the stage and straight into my face.
I worked Wednesday. Woot woot. (Please note that this was typed in sarcasm).
On Thursday after work, I played badminton with mom in our yard for about an hour. We were preparing for the birdie bash on Friday, which was Lucy's badminton team's fundraiser. You pay to play a team member, and if you win, you keep your money. If you lose, they keep your money. I made Lucy the most delicious dinner and then went to institute, where we discussed garments and modesty. They brought up some really good points I'd never thought of, one of which was how Adam and Eve tried to cover their nakedness on their own, using leaves that were not durable, trying to solve a problem on their own instead of turning to God. Then God offers to make them garments out of skin, which requires sacrificing an animal (one that Adam and Even knew pretty well from the garden and loved) and offered better protection. This imagery and connect to Jesus Christ was powerful.
Friday, I attended the birdie bash after work, and I lost BIG against Lucy. Dang, she is GOOD. But it was a good work out. That evening, I had dinner plans with Whitney! She came to AZ to visit her grandparents in Mesa, so I went and picked her up, then we drove to dinner. I was surprised by how natural it was, that as soon as we were together again, it seemed like no time had passed, or like we had never been apart. I'd never experienced that before, but it was just another reassurance that Whit is an eternal friend of mine, no matter where life takes us. After dinner and chatting, we walked back to my car, and this woman asked to borrow a phone because her car was stolen. She seemed out of it (may or may not have been on drugs with her glazed eyes and shaking hands and mumbled words that didn't make much sense) but we brought her to the restaurant and helped her the best we could. They called the police to come sort it out. Then I dropped Whitney off and drove the 25 minutes home.
I worked Saturday, then came home and crashed. It was just such an exhausting week. That evening, I wanted to do something. Mom and dad, Briesa and Aaron, were all invited to Kim's murder mystery. Valerie had gotten invited to another murder mystery by someone in the ward. Lucy saved all her homework to do that night. I texted so many people (okay, 18 to be exact) to see if they wanted to do something, like go ice-skating, and everyone who responded couldn't. Lucy even tried to see if her friends could hang out with me! Lucy finally said that if she finished her homework in time, she would go with me. I helped her for three hours, and I knew we weren't going to make it, but I felt good serving and helping her, since she was dreading this assignment so much and stressing over it.
Sunday, I looked super cute. I wore my new peach dress. I had a spiritual and humbling time at church. In Sunday School, I had such strong feelings of dislike for our teacher (because of his teaching style, which consisted of him talking in a monotone, saying stuff that easily caused us all to zone out). I finally reminded myself that I don't go to church because of the teachers or speakers. I go because of Jesus Christ. I was able to read through the scriptures and feel the Spirit and feel patience. Insights came to my mind. I still felt a bit antsy towards the end though, when it again was dragging out with the teacher's ramblings. After, I went to the linger longer, looked around, tried talking to some people, and then was overwhelming with frustration and I left straight out the kitchen door and got in my car. As I drove home, tears filled my eyes and I cried out, "Heavenly Father, why don't I have any friends?!" Then immediately I thought, Jesus is my friend. I tried hard to be outgoing today and to talk to people. I'd invited a bunch of people to do stuff the evening before. I look around at everyone else with their friends and feel like an outsider. I tried to include or talk to people who look like they don't have friends either. And... nothing. I still feel so alone in a crowd of fellow church people. I went home and made the most delicious lunch and then laid on the massage chair and listened to an uplifting audiobook (Charming Artemis) about two people who also feel horribly lonely. That afternoon, I attended the regional devotional Elder Soares was speaking at. We left an hour and a half early to pick some girls up to carpool and then get there an hour early to get decent seats (we were still on the hard chairs, but not too far back that we couldn't make out the people on stage). I just really needed to hear from an Apostle of the Lord that night. My wounded heart soaked in his words and I gained new thoughts and answers to things I've been struggling with. Lately I've been struggling with knowing if the choices I'm making are in line with Heavenly Father's plan for me. Elder Soares said that Heavenly Father has a plan for each and every one of His children. It is to come to earth, get a body, and gain eternal life. It isn't always specific. The thought hit me that as long as my goal is eternal life, then the choices I'm making are mine, and I'm following God's plan if my choices are in line with attaining eternal life. In my ethics class in my MFT program, we watched a video and had to respond if we have any biases towards homosexual couples and how we can overcome that in a therapy session. I had mixed feelings and honestly wasn't sure. Then at the devotional, Elder Soares talked about having love and compassion for the LGBTQ community, and the answer I received from God that associated with sinners is not sinning! Just because I am helping them and working with them and loving them and having compassion, I am not enabling them to keep sinning. The sin is their choice, not mine. It is only my duty to love and not judge. That is all the Savior expects of me. There were also some good insights about getting married, and how it'll never happen at the "perfect time" or in the "perfect way" and how it is an act of faith because we don't know 100% if it's going to work out. And because marriage is eternal, I can wait eternity to find the right one, and he will be my friend, the one I've been longing to have, and it'll be so worth the wait. I can endure the loneliness now.
So it was a good and hopeful ending to such a long week, and I am grateful for the improvements I am making, little by little, in the way I think and behave. I know I am going to have so many wonderful friends in the future. Some people get to experience bits of heaven on earth, but I am so grateful I get to look forward to experiencing heaven in heaven, for eternity.
Much love,
Emily Burnham
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