Harry Potter's Birthday

 25 July - 31 July 2022

This week I finished my Harry Potter movie marathon! I watched all 8 movies, plus the Fantastic Beasts movies (don't fear, I started the week before, so I didn't cram all of those into one week). And today happens to be Harry Potter's birthday! Too bad I didn't plan ahead to make the classic HP bday cake!! But I'm now officially ready to go to Harry Potter World in Orlando! I leave this next week to Florida, where I'll have five days of schooling and then I'm staying an extra two days to go to Universal Studios. Tickets weren't cheap, but when am I ever going to get another chance to go? This past week I also went to the dentist and found out that I have a cavity, so I have to go back in tomorrow to get that taken care of... sad day. I don't really fancy going there. I got my hair done at Shelli's with my mom, got some new pairs of shoes, and had an eye appointment, where I found out my right eye is slightly better than my left and I'm a bit far sighted, which makes my eyes have to work extra hard to focus and see. My anxiety has been acting up these past two weeks, so I met with my prescriber and increased my medicine dosage a bit, and then I have a meeting with the therapist next week. I also met some new people this past week that I'm excited moved into our ward and I think will be fun to hang out with and befriend. My low of the week was getting a pretty bad bloody nose and no one being around to help as I felt like I was going to pass out and die, but then I prayed and a scripture came to mind (Psalms 3:5-6) that I just kept repeating over and over in my mind, and I felt like God was aware of me and there helping me, and my breathing calmed down and I felt like I could breathe again.

That pretty much sums up my week. Here's a picture of me with my reading glasses. Val says I look like a true Psychologist now. (Albeit, a tired one!)

Much love,

Emily Burnham

First Week Back in AZ

 18 July - 24 July 2022

I knew this day was coming, when FSY would be over and I'd be back home. It was just hard to imagine at the time because FSY was so time consuming. But I survived my first week back from FSY! While it was more laid back compared to a week as a counselor for FSY, what made it difficult was my spiking anxiety. I described it to Valerie as a return to reality, where I remember how lonely I feel without outgoing friendships, no cute boys around, and oppressive heat. I don't want to go outside during the day because I literally feel my body baking. Being outside helped me a lot to feel grounded and close to God, so the weather is making it difficult to counter the anxiety that is coming from not having every minute of my day planned out for me anymore. I feel a lack of desire and motivation to do anything productive and wasted a lot of time this past week watching TV and stressing. I did do school, which has fortunately been easy so far and not too time-consuming. And I'm prepping for my residency coming up in a week and a half, which has also been a big source of anxiety. Fortunately, I have a place to stay and people offering rides. Plus I'm in walking distance from the hotel (35 minutes) which could count as my exercise for the day. It's going to be a lot of fun. I'm really excited to travel somewhere new, make new friends and have new experiences. I bought my tickets to Harry Potter World! It took a big chunk of money from my account, but now I don't have to stress about that anymore and can just focus on having a fun and enjoyable trip. But I'm not just excited about getting to go to Harry Potter World. I'm actually excited for my school residency training, to actually start applying the skills I am learning instead of reading textbooks. I want to start practicing now! But I just have to wait five more months and then I will get to start with my internship, which I'm excited for. But it's only 10 hours a week, and I'm still going to need to find another job so I can still pay my way through school. Grrr. I'm starting to realize how stressful life gets when you don't have money... and especially if you weren't on the same page with someone about how to spend that little money you did have (aka being married). Wow. Yeah, it just seems so limiting sometimes. Anyways, I don't know what else to tell you about my week besides apple cider vinegar seems to be doing the trick on getting rid of my small warts. I just put some on a cotton ball and then use medical tape to hold it in place overnight. Within three nights, they scabbed up and look to be fighting the infection. Honestly, I am doing good. It's just been hard to feel that peace I so desperately need because of my high anxiety levels. I really am content and have a great life and bright future. I need to remember optimism is the cure of anxiety. 

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Here are two jokes to end on a lighter note:

FSY Provo, UT (week 5)

 11 July - 17 July, 2022

I survived my last week of FSY! It was a tough week, but I'm so grateful for the things I learned. A lot of things made it really tough, but the hardest thing was a rough start to my co-ship because we got off on the wrong foot somehow, just with our different personalities. But we had a good talk on Monday and became friends after. But then she got sick after the first day and had to sit the rest of the week out. My other co and I got off to a good start, but them communication fell apart later on in the week. So that was tough emotionally. Also, school started up, so during my breaks I had to do school work instead of catching up on sleep, so I was extra exhausted. Also, I had double the girls (20 total) since my female co got sick. AND the boys were so rambunctious, but not just rowdy and 14 year old boys, but almost purposefully disrespectful/rebellious. They were good boys when I talked with them one-on-one, but when they got together, they brought out the worst in each other, becoming extra silly and not listening. They LOVED acting like monkeys. Things got better Wednesday morning after I had a serious talk with them. I'd been praying about what to say, and the thought of involving their parents came to mind, so I told them that they are great, but there are things that need to change or else we will have to involve their parents. I let them know I monitor the group chat and took screen shots of things they said that were inappropriate, and that if they kept acting up, we would have to call and tell their parents. I think that helped them realize they were accountable for their actions. They got a lot better after that. But it was definitely a tough week because I still wasn't feeling my best physically, emotionally, or spiritually. My patience was running so thin by the end of the week, and it became so hard to roll with things and love first. But I'm so grateful for the experience because it taught me so many things about myself and how to push through difficult situations and rely on Christ. And I had more energy towards the end of the week than I had for the previous weeks, which was miraculous. We watched a clip from Facing the Giants when the coach has the team captain carry another player on his back across the field, but he had to do it blindfolded. He only wanted to do 20 yards. Coach said 50. But he couldn't see how far he was going. He just had to give it his all. With the coach beside him, he passed the 20 and then the 50 yards. He asked how far he was and if he was almost there. Coach yelled at him to give it his all and keep going til he couldn't give anymore. The boy kept going. Eventually, he starts to falter. He says his arms are on fire and it hurts. The coach yells, "don't you quit on me! Keep on moving!" He collapses and sobs, saying, "I can't go anymore, coach, I'm sorry! I couldn't make it!" The coach says, "Take off your  blindfold. You made it to the end zone." Everyone is so amazed that he went double what he thought he could go. At FSY, we talked about how if the kid didn't have the blindfold on, he would have struggled his way to the 50 yards and then collapsed, because that's as far as he thought he could go. He wouldn't have pushed himself. When his arms started burning and hurting, he would have given in if he knew he'd already passed the goal they'd set. But with the guidance and support of the coach, he was able to make it so much further. I think that is how it is with God. He pushes us past what we think we are capable of, and it burns and hurts and we want to quit. He takes us out of our comfort and safety zone to reach our fullest potential. Sometimes we have to be blindfolded, because otherwise we wouldn't go as far as we could. We can't get all the answers or see the outcome, but that's because we need to be pushed even further than we think we do. That's what doing five weeks in a row for FSY was like for me. With God, I went further than I thought possible. It was tough, but now I feel so inspired to do more than before. I don't need to rest or be lazy as much as before. I don't need tons of naps (if I actually get my 8 hours of sleep!!). I can do hard things. It's good to push yourself. I'm grateful for the spiritual momentum FSY has given me, and I still feel like I am a leader and example to these kids. They will continue to look up to me, even though I'm not with them as their counselor. They followed me on social media and are staying in touch. It makes me want to continue to be an excellent and righteous example and achieve the goals I set for myself so they can continue to look up to me and know that I truly believe and live the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Valerie took me to the airport on Saturday. There's a new terminal in Provo that is super nice. Dad picked me up from the airport, and I'm home! I have this energy to do lots of things! Like go shopping and take care of myself and be productive. I love it. And I want to continue to do things that will help me stay true at all times and keep my covenants. And I had so many answers to prayers while I was away, and now is the time to act on them. To make nonmember friends and go to events. To write books. To do my internship at East Valley Family Therapy. That loving all the Lord stands for includes loving His timing, and that marriage will come when the time is right. I can live my life without shame or embarrassment or worry over not being married yet or never finding the right person. I know it will work out!

I ran into two of my girls from last year's Young Author's Academy! They were doing it again this year. That was such a fun surprise.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

FSY Provo, Utah (week 4)

 4 July - 10 July 2022

Monday did not feel like a holiday... except for certain things being closed, like the maintenance office. The sink in our dorm was clogged and would not drain, but I wasn't able to get ahold of anyone until Tuesday morning, and then it wasn't taken care of until Wednesday afternoon. So, this week was a bit challenging. I remember two weeks ago, my co Brielle told me that the energy comes back during the Sunday night meeting and then in the morning when you are checking in kids. However, I still felt sick and drained. I was NOT ready to meet my kids, because my own physical health was down the drain and I did not know how I would have enough energy and enthusiasm when I met my girls. But, nevertheless, I persevered. I went on to meet my girls and went on with the day, doing the best that I could. I let them know that I was tired from getting back from Missouri at 2am the day before, but that hopefully my energy would be back soon. They were patient with me. Seriously, God knew this would be a hard week for me and He gave me a great group of girls who were already so excited for FSY and were already pretty spiritual and obedient. I also had the older group, so they were more responsible and we had breakfast later, which meant I had 15 more minutes in the morning to get ready! Trust me, that was so needed! A big blessing. But that wasn't all. My ENTIRE group were angels! Even the boys. They all knew how to have fun and be hyped, but then they all were also very spiritual and could settle down and share deep insights. My co's were so supportive and fun, playing with the kids during free time. Honestly, all of the love and support from my co's and from all the kids carried me through the week, though Wednesday was a game changer day. 

I woke up Wednesday and was like, "nope, I can't do today." Fortunately, there were so many tender mercies and miracles I experienced that came to ease my pain and burdens. For instance, since I was in a trio, I was able to basically take Wednesday off and have my co's cover for me and just sleep all day. By the end of the night, I still didn't feel much better, but I went to games night anyway. Just walking there in the hot sun zapped what little energy I had. I sat out in the shade for most of it. Then during pizza night, I had a terrible bloody nose. Blah. So as I go to bed that night, I can't breathe out of my nose, and I feel so sick and tired, and I'm just praying that I can be healed. I realized this past week or so that I struggle with having faith to be healed, because I'm so accepting of God's will and the role of trials, so when I've prayed to be healed and didn't get healed in the past, I have the faith not to be healed and to just rely on God for strength. But this has led me to wonder if now I have faith to not be healed, but not faith to be healed, because I never know if it's God's will. And I know that if it's not, I won't be healed. So I always just kind of expect that I'm not going to be healed, because so often I've heard to have the faith to not be healed, but what about when it is God's will? Is it just not happening because I don't have enough faith? Because I'm not sure? So I've been thinking that over and praying about it throughout the week, and I get to this low point Wednesday night, and I ask the Lord if I can rely on the faith of my girl's who are praying for me to get better as well as what little faith I do have, and that I desire to be healed so I can do my job on Thursday and give my girls a spiritual experience. I literally said, "Just heal me or kill me." Because I didn't have the strength to carry on sick. Well, I guess I fell asleep soon after that prayer, and I guess Heavenly Father didn't want me dead just yet, because I woke up the next morning breathing out of my nose, feeling better. I was still kind of sick, but  had enough energy and stamina that I knew I could make it through the day. I truly believe that God healed me. I believe He desired to give me that experience so I could exercise my faith to be healed. I've realized healing and strength are more readily given when it's so that you can bless and serve others and not for selfish reasons. 

That was the big miracle of the week, but my other miracles came in the form of my co-counselors and my kiddos. They were perfect angels!! I know I've said it before, but I really mean it this time. They were so loving and I was able to have some really good spiritual experiences with them. The highlight of my week was Thursday night during testimony meeting. ALL seven of my girls bore their testimony, along with the majority of our company. Only one or maybe two did not bare their testimony. My heart was filled with so much love for this group of kids, and I loved seeing how much they loved and cared about each other. Friday night was especially tender. At the end of the "Taking it Home" activity, all of us co's bore our testimony, which was super powerful. Then we invited the kids to give us hugs, which a lot of them came up to give us big hugs, and I was grateful and surprised by some who came up to give me a big hug and thanked me for my powerful testimony and for helping them feel the spirit throughout the week. Then they all hugged each other and did their own little group handshakes and we did our chant. It lasted a good long time, and many people were crying. It was so touching. But also I was anxious to get back to the dorms for bed, as were a couple of the other kiddos. So thus ended a tough but amazing week.

On Saturday, I went to the library to review the homework assignments I have this week, since school is starting. I was SO tired though. It was hard to focus or do much. Then I went to the temple with Val. Then we went out to dinner, and I helped her shop and get the mingle food for Sunday. She will be my coordinator this coming week, which I'm very excited about! Oh, that reminds me! I had a crazy morning on Friday. I got a call from FSY hiring and they asked if I could go to NY next week and then two weeks in Massachusetts. I called my mom right after and asked what I should do. My mom said I should do it! So I called them back and said yes. They said they'd cancel my contract in Provo and send me the new three contracts. This would mean I would work two additional weeks (so, seven in a row), but I had this excitement and energy at the thought of getting to go back east, even though there are a ton of reasons why that would add a lot of stress to my life (I'd already bought a plane ticket home to AZ for next week, school was starting, and I was so sick!), but I decided I could make it happen. But then they called me back 20 minutes later and said, "Just kidding, we don't need you in NY and MA, but it would actually be Seattle, WA, and only for two weeks." I again talked with my mom and then turned them down because I realized how stressful that would be and I wasn't even excited about it like I'd been for NY and MA. So everything went back to how it was, which I'm grateful for. But it would have been so cool to have traveled back east! But the time will surely come for me. Anyway, that about sums up my week!

Here is a photo dump. Enjoy!

Much love,

Emily Burnham

FSY Columbia, MO (week 3)

 27 June - 3 July 2022

Well the 4th of July sure snuck up on me. This past week of FSY was a bit brutal on me. My sickness from three weeks ago came back. So I had a bit of a sore throat and congestion. In addition to being extremely tired and sickly, I had a bit of a tough crowd at first! I had my first group of olders, with the kids age's ranging from 15 to 19. I think we even had one 14 year old boy! Some of the boys were super rowdy and inappropriate. My girls were really reserved. Only one of them had been to EFY before and knew what FSY was like. The others did not seem very excited to be there or were skeptical about what was in store for them, whether or not they'd like it. One girl was telling me on the first day that she didn't want to come and she might just drive home and convince other kids in her ward to leave. I couldn't tell if she was joking or not. She wanted to stay in her dorm during the dance and didn't want to participate much. I felt like the first two days were a bit rough because a lot of my energy had to go into pumping the girls up, opening them up, and getting them excited about FSY. But it was worth it because by the end of the week, every single girl had a great time and loved FSY. The girl who was not happy the first couple days was finally converted and loved it by Wednesday night, and then admitted on Thursday that she didn't want to go home! She had been fighting it to spite her parents since they had told her she'd love it. So we had some major breakthroughs and some hearts softened and turned to the Lord. Girls felt the Spirit strong or for the first time in years and their testimonies were strengthened. The trouble-child boy had a bad experience with the coordinator talking to his parents, but after a couple of days, I arranged for him to meet with the coordinator again and they reassessed his situation and called his parents again for an update, and things went a lot better for the last two days. This kid even bore his testimony, which was definitely a miracle. He felt and recognized the Spirit. He was so close to going home, and I'm glad we were able to get him to stay and participate. I had a couple of boys who did not pay attention during devotionals and stuff, and I worked hard and prayed hard to get them to pay attention and participate. At times it felt like pulling teeth! But I saw walls crumble and my youth connect with each other and come to be great friends. Again, it was not all me! Not even close. There were 14 girls and 17 boys. I tried to get to know all of them, but with so many different personalities and types of people, I couldn't connect with everyone and I didn't have the time or energy or resources to connect as deeply with all of them as I wanted to. But the group took care of each other. Some girls took the rowdy boys under their wing (well, became a bit rowdy with them...) but it made those boys want to stay. And some of the boys and girls took the autistic kid under their wing after the first couple of days so that he wouldn't wander off and get lost anymore. That kid had such a sweet heart and opened up and talked more as the week went on, asking multiple times if we could stop and take group pictures on the last few days. So so exhausting, and so so rewarding.

As the week went on, I felt so weak, like I couldn't make it. I was so drained and exhausted and didn't have much time to recover, though fortunately I was blessed with a schedule that did allow for long breaks so I could take a couple of naps during the day. I knew I needed to get a priesthood blessing, so I asked two of the assistant coordinators and got a blessing Thursday morning. It was so very much needed. After the blessing, I felt strengthened and had more energy. I had a spring to my step during lunch! It was an amazing reminder that God knows my heart and mind, thoughts and desires, because things that were said in the blessing were things I'd just been thinking about that morning or questions/trials I had that nobody knew about. I'd been feeling prompted on Wednesday that I needed to be more meek and teachable, and then in my blessing, Heavenly Father says that I'm not only at FSY to teach, but I'm there to learn, so I should listen closely to those around me and pay attention to the lessons I'm learning. That will play a big part in who I later become. I'd kind of been zoning out or skipping out on devos or classes if I didn't have to be there so that I could rest, so it was a good reminder that there were things there for me to learn along with the kids. That morning, we'd studied as a group about how Nephi likened the scripture story of Moses unto himself, and I promised the kids that the Lord would use them like Moses and Nephi as they studied the scriptures and applied it to their lives. They'd work wonders and miraculous things, even if they felt weak and inadequate. Then in my blessing, he mentioned how I'll become like Nephi and Moses, performing great things through the Lord. The blessing started off with a reminder of God's love for me, and how the Lord recognized and will bless me for the sacrifice I made throughout the week of hiding just how sick and miserable I'd been from the youth and trying hard to make it great for them. He saw how hard that was and was proud of me. I was also instructed to have greater trust in the Lord (which is the FSY theme this year) and especially in His timing, and how one day I'd look back and see His hand in the timing of how everything works out in my life. I was blessed to be strengthened, and I felt that. And then I felt like a lot of power and energy left me on Saturday after the FSY session ended, rip. But I know the Lord will continue to bless me for my next two sessions in Provo. In many ways, it has felt like my life has been on hold while doing FSY, but I'm also trying to enjoy the moment and focus on what I am loving about FSY because with the bad comes the good, and vice versa. I love how strongly I am feeling the Spirit and the lives I get to see changed up close. I get to see the atoning power of Jesus Christ working up close and personal in my own life and in the lives of all the youth. It is incredible. I love the stewardship and the power I get from the Spirit. I have felt my testimony of God's plan for His children grow a lot this week. Truly, God's plan for our lives is so individual that it revolves around our unique talents, interests, and personalities. It is finding a way to use the things we love to build up God's kingdom. For instance, I want to find a job that allows me stewardship and to listen to the Holy Ghost to help people grow personally and in their family relationships: a marriage and family therapist. I have different hobbies, like reading and writing, that I am finding ways to use to share the gospel and inspire growth and goodness. In all my hobbies, I can seek out ways to form relationships with others around me and bless their lives. Creation and creativity is a huge part of God's plan, and using our creative abilities brings us and others closer to God. Truly, relationships are so important because they are one of the very few things that we can take with us in the next life. I also learned this week that Christ is capable of infinite intimate relationships. I yearn for that. Like I feel guilty and bad for not being able to have an amazing relationship with all of my girls, no matter how hard I try, because it's impossible for how limited my body is. I cannot emotionally and intellectually connect with every single person. There's not enough time and energy. But God can! He literally has such a personal and intimate relationship with EACH of His children, and He has a lot of children. The close and amazing relationship I have with Him... well, it's so difficult to imagine that He literally has that with each of His children. So does the Savior, who suffered for each of us on such a personal level. It's amazing how after following the counsel to listen and learn from those around me, the spirit taught me from their words and I heard the most profound things.

Overall impression of this week: the staff and workers were super nice. I was so blessed not to see any roaches (especially in my room). But the higher-ups at the school were so picky and stingy about what we could do and when we could do it, especially in regards to pizza night, meals, and how loud the music could be at the dances. Ugh, they were so annoying. The campus buildings had beautiful architecture. I was so tired and exhausted, but so so so blessed in the amazing people I met, in the Spirit I felt, in the lessons I learned, and in the Lord lifting me up. Then we left Saturday at 5pm for the airport, and we flew through the night. I made it back to Provo at 2am and to bed by 2:30am (which felt like 3:30am Missouri time). I have been SO exhausted today, and I already have four other roommates, probably five total (a full dorm) which is a bit disappointing since the last Provo session I worked, there was only me and Brielle, and the other rooms were empty (plus I just came from as session where I got my own room and own bathroom). So sharing a room and bathroom will be tougher, plus my roommate is loud and doesn't seem the most considerate of how loud she is being, so yay. But it'll be fine. I've been in hard and unpleasant situations before, and I know what to do. Love, love love. Rely on God. Pray, pray, pray. And trust in the Lord to make up all the difference in my weakness and shortcomings. So here's to surviving another week and trying to muster up the determination to survive this upcoming week cheerfully!

Photo dump!

We know the way! Moana themed :)

Near 1am at SLC airport.

Much love,

Emily Burnham