Emily Burnham: FSY Provo, UT (week 5)

11 July - 17 July, 2022

I survived my last week of FSY! It was a tough week, but I'm so grateful for the things I learned. A lot of things made it really tough, but the hardest thing was a rough start to my co-ship because we got off on the wrong foot somehow, just with our different personalities. But we had a good talk on Monday and became friends after. But then she got sick after the first day and had to sit the rest of the week out. My other co and I got off to a good start, but them communication fell apart later on in the week. So that was tough emotionally. Also, school started up, so during my breaks I had to do school work instead of catching up on sleep, so I was extra exhausted. Also, I had double the girls (20 total) since my female co got sick. AND the boys were so rambunctious, but not just rowdy and 14 year old boys, but almost purposefully disrespectful/rebellious. They were good boys when I talked with them one-on-one, but when they got together, they brought out the worst in each other, becoming extra silly and not listening. They LOVED acting like monkeys. Things got better Wednesday morning after I had a serious talk with them. I'd been praying about what to say, and the thought of involving their parents came to mind, so I told them that they are great, but there are things that need to change or else we will have to involve their parents. I let them know I monitor the group chat and took screen shots of things they said that were inappropriate, and that if they kept acting up, we would have to call and tell their parents. I think that helped them realize they were accountable for their actions. They got a lot better after that. But it was definitely a tough week because I still wasn't feeling my best physically, emotionally, or spiritually. My patience was running so thin by the end of the week, and it became so hard to roll with things and love first. But I'm so grateful for the experience because it taught me so many things about myself and how to push through difficult situations and rely on Christ. And I had more energy towards the end of the week than I had for the previous weeks, which was miraculous. We watched a clip from Facing the Giants when the coach has the team captain carry another player on his back across the field, but he had to do it blindfolded. He only wanted to do 20 yards. Coach said 50. But he couldn't see how far he was going. He just had to give it his all. With the coach beside him, he passed the 20 and then the 50 yards. He asked how far he was and if he was almost there. Coach yelled at him to give it his all and keep going til he couldn't give anymore. The boy kept going. Eventually, he starts to falter. He says his arms are on fire and it hurts. The coach yells, "don't you quit on me! Keep on moving!" He collapses and sobs, saying, "I can't go anymore, coach, I'm sorry! I couldn't make it!" The coach says, "Take off your blindfold. You made it to the end zone." Everyone is so amazed that he went double what he thought he could go. At FSY, we talked about how if the kid didn't have the blindfold on, he would have struggled his way to the 50 yards and then collapsed, because that's as far as he thought he could go. He wouldn't have pushed himself. When his arms started burning and hurting, he would have given in if he knew he'd already passed the goal they'd set. But with the guidance and support of the coach, he was able to make it so much further. I think that is how it is with God. He pushes us past what we think we are capable of, and it burns and hurts and we want to quit. He takes us out of our comfort and safety zone to reach our fullest potential. Sometimes we have to be blindfolded, because otherwise we wouldn't go as far as we could. We can't get all the answers or see the outcome, but that's because we need to be pushed even further than we think we do. That's what doing five weeks in a row for FSY was like for me. With God, I went further than I thought possible. It was tough, but now I feel so inspired to do more than before. I don't need to rest or be lazy as much as before. I don't need tons of naps (if I actually get my 8 hours of sleep!!). I can do hard things. It's good to push yourself. I'm grateful for the spiritual momentum FSY has given me, and I still feel like I am a leader and example to these kids. They will continue to look up to me, even though I'm not with them as their counselor. They followed me on social media and are staying in touch. It makes me want to continue to be an excellent and righteous example and achieve the goals I set for myself so they can continue to look up to me and know that I truly believe and live the gospel of Jesus Christ.

Valerie took me to the airport on Saturday. There's a new terminal in Provo that is super nice. Dad picked me up from the airport, and I'm home! I have this energy to do lots of things! Like go shopping and take care of myself and be productive. I love it. And I want to continue to do things that will help me stay true at all times and keep my covenants. And I had so many answers to prayers while I was away, and now is the time to act on them. To make nonmember friends and go to events. To write books. To do my internship at East Valley Family Therapy. That loving all the Lord stands for includes loving His timing, and that marriage will come when the time is right. I can live my life without shame or embarrassment or worry over not being married yet or never finding the right person. I know it will work out!