27 June - 3 July 2022
Well the 4th of July sure snuck up on me. This past week of FSY was a bit brutal on me. My sickness from three weeks ago came back. So I had a bit of a sore throat and congestion. In addition to being extremely tired and sickly, I had a bit of a tough crowd at first! I had my first group of olders, with the kids age's ranging from 15 to 19. I think we even had one 14 year old boy! Some of the boys were super rowdy and inappropriate. My girls were really reserved. Only one of them had been to EFY before and knew what FSY was like. The others did not seem very excited to be there or were skeptical about what was in store for them, whether or not they'd like it. One girl was telling me on the first day that she didn't want to come and she might just drive home and convince other kids in her ward to leave. I couldn't tell if she was joking or not. She wanted to stay in her dorm during the dance and didn't want to participate much. I felt like the first two days were a bit rough because a lot of my energy had to go into pumping the girls up, opening them up, and getting them excited about FSY. But it was worth it because by the end of the week, every single girl had a great time and loved FSY. The girl who was not happy the first couple days was finally converted and loved it by Wednesday night, and then admitted on Thursday that she didn't want to go home! She had been fighting it to spite her parents since they had told her she'd love it. So we had some major breakthroughs and some hearts softened and turned to the Lord. Girls felt the Spirit strong or for the first time in years and their testimonies were strengthened. The trouble-child boy had a bad experience with the coordinator talking to his parents, but after a couple of days, I arranged for him to meet with the coordinator again and they reassessed his situation and called his parents again for an update, and things went a lot better for the last two days. This kid even bore his testimony, which was definitely a miracle. He felt and recognized the Spirit. He was so close to going home, and I'm glad we were able to get him to stay and participate. I had a couple of boys who did not pay attention during devotionals and stuff, and I worked hard and prayed hard to get them to pay attention and participate. At times it felt like pulling teeth! But I saw walls crumble and my youth connect with each other and come to be great friends. Again, it was not all me! Not even close. There were 14 girls and 17 boys. I tried to get to know all of them, but with so many different personalities and types of people, I couldn't connect with everyone and I didn't have the time or energy or resources to connect as deeply with all of them as I wanted to. But the group took care of each other. Some girls took the rowdy boys under their wing (well, became a bit rowdy with them...) but it made those boys want to stay. And some of the boys and girls took the autistic kid under their wing after the first couple of days so that he wouldn't wander off and get lost anymore. That kid had such a sweet heart and opened up and talked more as the week went on, asking multiple times if we could stop and take group pictures on the last few days. So so exhausting, and so so rewarding.
As the week went on, I felt so weak, like I couldn't make it. I was so drained and exhausted and didn't have much time to recover, though fortunately I was blessed with a schedule that did allow for long breaks so I could take a couple of naps during the day. I knew I needed to get a priesthood blessing, so I asked two of the assistant coordinators and got a blessing Thursday morning. It was so very much needed. After the blessing, I felt strengthened and had more energy. I had a spring to my step during lunch! It was an amazing reminder that God knows my heart and mind, thoughts and desires, because things that were said in the blessing were things I'd just been thinking about that morning or questions/trials I had that nobody knew about. I'd been feeling prompted on Wednesday that I needed to be more meek and teachable, and then in my blessing, Heavenly Father says that I'm not only at FSY to teach, but I'm there to learn, so I should listen closely to those around me and pay attention to the lessons I'm learning. That will play a big part in who I later become. I'd kind of been zoning out or skipping out on devos or classes if I didn't have to be there so that I could rest, so it was a good reminder that there were things there for me to learn along with the kids. That morning, we'd studied as a group about how Nephi likened the scripture story of Moses unto himself, and I promised the kids that the Lord would use them like Moses and Nephi as they studied the scriptures and applied it to their lives. They'd work wonders and miraculous things, even if they felt weak and inadequate. Then in my blessing, he mentioned how I'll become like Nephi and Moses, performing great things through the Lord. The blessing started off with a reminder of God's love for me, and how the Lord recognized and will bless me for the sacrifice I made throughout the week of hiding just how sick and miserable I'd been from the youth and trying hard to make it great for them. He saw how hard that was and was proud of me. I was also instructed to have greater trust in the Lord (which is the FSY theme this year) and especially in His timing, and how one day I'd look back and see His hand in the timing of how everything works out in my life. I was blessed to be strengthened, and I felt that. And then I felt like a lot of power and energy left me on Saturday after the FSY session ended, rip. But I know the Lord will continue to bless me for my next two sessions in Provo. In many ways, it has felt like my life has been on hold while doing FSY, but I'm also trying to enjoy the moment and focus on what I am loving about FSY because with the bad comes the good, and vice versa. I love how strongly I am feeling the Spirit and the lives I get to see changed up close. I get to see the atoning power of Jesus Christ working up close and personal in my own life and in the lives of all the youth. It is incredible. I love the stewardship and the power I get from the Spirit. I have felt my testimony of God's plan for His children grow a lot this week. Truly, God's plan for our lives is so individual that it revolves around our unique talents, interests, and personalities. It is finding a way to use the things we love to build up God's kingdom. For instance, I want to find a job that allows me stewardship and to listen to the Holy Ghost to help people grow personally and in their family relationships: a marriage and family therapist. I have different hobbies, like reading and writing, that I am finding ways to use to share the gospel and inspire growth and goodness. In all my hobbies, I can seek out ways to form relationships with others around me and bless their lives. Creation and creativity is a huge part of God's plan, and using our creative abilities brings us and others closer to God. Truly, relationships are so important because they are one of the very few things that we can take with us in the next life. I also learned this week that Christ is capable of infinite intimate relationships. I yearn for that. Like I feel guilty and bad for not being able to have an amazing relationship with all of my girls, no matter how hard I try, because it's impossible for how limited my body is. I cannot emotionally and intellectually connect with every single person. There's not enough time and energy. But God can! He literally has such a personal and intimate relationship with EACH of His children, and He has a lot of children. The close and amazing relationship I have with Him... well, it's so difficult to imagine that He literally has that with each of His children. So does the Savior, who suffered for each of us on such a personal level. It's amazing how after following the counsel to listen and learn from those around me, the spirit taught me from their words and I heard the most profound things.
Overall impression of this week: the staff and workers were super nice. I was so blessed not to see any roaches (especially in my room). But the higher-ups at the school were so picky and stingy about what we could do and when we could do it, especially in regards to pizza night, meals, and how loud the music could be at the dances. Ugh, they were so annoying. The campus buildings had beautiful architecture. I was so tired and exhausted, but so so so blessed in the amazing people I met, in the Spirit I felt, in the lessons I learned, and in the Lord lifting me up. Then we left Saturday at 5pm for the airport, and we flew through the night. I made it back to Provo at 2am and to bed by 2:30am (which felt like 3:30am Missouri time). I have been SO exhausted today, and I already have four other roommates, probably five total (a full dorm) which is a bit disappointing since the last Provo session I worked, there was only me and Brielle, and the other rooms were empty (plus I just came from as session where I got my own room and own bathroom). So sharing a room and bathroom will be tougher, plus my roommate is loud and doesn't seem the most considerate of how loud she is being, so yay. But it'll be fine. I've been in hard and unpleasant situations before, and I know what to do. Love, love love. Rely on God. Pray, pray, pray. And trust in the Lord to make up all the difference in my weakness and shortcomings. So here's to surviving another week and trying to muster up the determination to survive this upcoming week cheerfully!
Photo dump!
Much love,
Emily Burnham
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