Right Where I'm Needed

 9 October - 15 October 2023

How is it that graduation is closer than ever yet still feels so far away? It is maybe because of the giant licensing exam that still lies ahead? I found out today that first-time test takers have a 69% pass rate. Well, that is not the most encouraging statistic ever, but I'm determined to be in that percentage! Some things to be proud of this past week: I took time to write in my journal, I held my first Hold Me Tight workshop with a couple, I have a great client retention rate, I started learning Korean, and I've consistently kept up with my YouTube channel, even though the statistics of getting monetized have been pretty depressing. Those last 100 views I need are taking FOREVER to get, and it's kind of really discouraging and depressing. I just want to be successful! But I know it takes time and consistency, and it'll happen one day, hopefully. I just need better content. Or maybe I need to run ads to push out my videos to get those views. If I don't get monetized by the end of the year, I just might do that. It's true that I'm a little all over the place with my videos, the content in them, but I am trying. Maybe it's just not interesting enough. Maybe I need to discuss more hot topics. We will see. But this is supposed to be positive, not a depressing entry!! So, on that note, let me share some good things from this past week. I watched a really good Kdrama called Crash Landing on You, which brought me so much joy. I think it would be cool to learn Korean not only because of my new love for Kdramas, but also because I love their culture and people, and I'd love to visit one day, and even be prepared to teach the gospel in the Korean language if I get called on a senior mission there! Who knows?!! Plus, it makes watching Kdramas feel more productive because then it's like language exposure, ya know? To help with my learning ;) Also, I got to see the cute baby Gracelyn a lot, and she is really growing up fast! She is very active and likes to point around to where she wants to go. She is talking a lot more, but understands even more. Also, mom got me a new cute dress that I wore on Sunday, and Val wanted to take a picture since we were kinda matching with the blue. 

I want to close with my testimony and revelation I received this past week. As I was contemplating where I was at in life, I remembered that God wanted me to be home these past two years. If he wanted me to stay in Utah, I would have gotten into the graduate programs there, but instead His purpose was for me to come home and be a source of strength for my family. In the last two years that I've been home, I've been there for my younger sister's senior year of high school, to help her through those stresses. I've been a friend to my older sister. I feel closer to both of my sisters than I ever have. I've been able to go to the gym every weekday with my mom and provide an outlet for her. We've been healthier both physically and emotionally. I got to see my sister-in-law go through her pregnancy, and I've gotten to watch my niece grow up! Those are priceless moments that I would have missed if God hadn't called me to be at home during this time. He is so aware of me and has a plan for me, and He knows I am right where I'm needed.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Petting Zoo, Japanese Festival, & Soccer Game

 2 October - 8 October 2023

This past week was a really good one! Monday night was a carnival FHE activity with a petting zoo! I got to hold an adorable baby kitten!! And pet an alpaca, though that animal was not very friendly. When I got home from work on Tuesday, I had a bad headache, so I went to sleep and just woke up for tithing settlement that evening, then ate dinner and went to sleep. On Wednesday, I saw some clients and had a pretty awesome therapy session with a couple that evening. I love it when the spirit is so palpable in the room and I'm speaking from a place of compassion and love and challenge. On Thursday, I came home from work with a headache again. I think it's because of all the loud noises and smells of the ink. On Friday, my clients canceled, so I just had a couple of meetings to attend, and then I spent all of Friday afternoon filming videos for my YouTube channel. It kind of is a lot of work, especially when you do a lot of it at once, but I'm hoping it'll be so worth it in the long run. Already, I've had a couple of clients/potential clients say that watching my videos is what drew them to me. So that's pretty cool, I guess. Friday night, I attended the scary movie night, but it wasn't as relaxing and chill as the previous weeks, but that's okay. It was still enjoyable overall. Saturday morning, I went to help clean the church, and Zoey invited me to attend a Japanese festival with her, so we went that afternoon! I got sun burnt from waiting in such a long line to get in! That evening, I went with some girls in the ward and my sister to a soccer game, and I was able to talk with one of the girls, Whitney, and we really bonded and had such a great talk. It was very insightful and healing, and I'm so grateful that God puts people in my path to help me on my journey. Sunday was a long and tiring day, but so fulfilling! It was fast Sunday, and we had a baptism and linger longer after. I made pumpkin bread for the linger longer, then went to ward choir, then attended church, then the baptism was an hour after that, then the linger longer was another 40 minutes. But I'm so happy Sky got baptized! She is so cool and I'm excited to get to know her better. And there were quite a bit of gluten-free treats at linger longer, so I quickly got a sugar rush since I've been limiting my sugar. But it was super awesome! Then Sunday night, I attended a game night at Jessica's house, and it was a pretty big turn out and was a lot of fun! It was a fun-filled weekend and a great change of pace from feeling lonely and disconnected. I've even felt more connected to Bishop and he greets me more warmly than he used to, which I'm so grateful for. He gave a closing prayer at our tithing settlement and it brought me peace and such joy, and when I got into my car after, I wrote down some of the things he had said that had touched me. So, all I can say is that God is aware of me and actively blessing me with amazing people. He has turned my heartache into bonding and healing with others. I am filled with gratitude to know my purpose, my identity, and to be able to share and uplift those around me.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Lowest Lows Lead to Perspective and Gratitude

11 September - 1 October 2023

This past Monday for FHE, we had a combined country dancing activity with another ward, and I had the perfect outfit prepared! I found a flannel shirt in Lucy's closet (which has become my favorite clothing store) and wore ankle boots that matched well, and then had my hair in braids. I looked the country girl part!! I did not have super high expectations or anything, but I just knew I'd go and have as much fun as I could. I chatted and talked with some girls there, said hi to some guys, and one guy I'd met the previous week at a movie night asked if he could ask me to dance. It was so funny because he walked up to me and grabbed my hand and asked me in front of the girls I was talking to. I said yes, so then when the activity started and they had the guys and girls line up and then the guy ask the girl, he came right up to me and asked me, which felt so good because I've had a history of being the girl on the sideline that never gets asked to dance, so it was healing for the heart. He was fun and pretty good, so we had a lot of fun learning and dancing together, and I was all smiles and laughs (all the messing up was my fault, but I was doing pretty good, overall). Then another guy from my ward asked me to dance later in the evening, and it was a lot of fun! That night was definitely the highlight of this past week. Now, it's been three weeks since I've written, so some other highlights that happened were the Friday before this past week, I went to a scary movie night (where I met that one guy) and it was such a chill and relaxed and cozy evening. I sat on the couch with a soft blanket I'd brought and listened to people socialize and talked a little bit with some people, then we watched Coraline, and I was so cozy that I stayed the whole time and felt so peaceful and relaxed. So then I went again this past Friday night too, and we watched The Haunted Mansion. One of the greatest things that happened over the past three weeks was I was able to reconcile with a friend in the ward, due to miscommunication and differing expectations, we stopped talking and kind of ignored each other for a while, and I could not find peace about the situation. I prayed and prayed, and was in such a low space and had the thought that I needed to talk it out, so I contacted him and we met up and talked. It was honestly one of the hardest things I've ever done, for so many reasons, but it also brought much needed closure and peace, and even though it was still tricky to naviage our friendship/relationship after that point and I felt so foolish and vulnerable and embarrassed many times during and after, I stayed true to myself and my values or being vulnerable even when it's difficult and using positive self talk instead of wallowing in embarrassment or resentment, and I am so humbled and grateful. As dark of a place I have been in for a while, I can finally say with such great gratitude in my heart that I am in a brighter and holier place now because of the things I learned and the person I have become as I stuck through the hard times with hope and faith and submissiveness. So much healing has come, and I've learned so much about myself. I have such great desires to be so incredibly kind and uplifting to those around me, and I have so much love and grace for myself and don't feel the need to force relationships or friendships, but can be content existing in the present moment with whoever is around me. And I feel like as I've magnified myself and my individual mission and journey, I am now ready to sacrifice and take on covenants and commitments to start a family and sacrifice to build something greater than myself unto God. So yeah, I've experienced the hardest week of my life followed by a week of so much gratitude, humility, perspective, and desire to build something greater than myself. So, some other things that have been happening these past weeks... I went to a murder mystery dinner! I played a rich widow who had killed her previous three husbands for their money... but wasn't the killer of the night at least! Val had the easiest role! She got to be a reporter, the lucky duck. I've been doing lots of marketing research at my sign job, trying to help them grow. I've also gotten so many clients that I'm now at the point where I really cannot accept any new clients without overwhelming my scheduling and causing great anxiety. I convinced a couple to attend a workshop I'm going to put on, so now I will get more than enough relational hours and don't need to stress anymore about that! I'll get more than enough hours and don't need to spread myself any more thin. Also, I've honestly been so blessed with how well my YouTube channel has done considering the short amount of time I've had it and that I still feel like I often don't know what to post or talk about. But I'm consistent, so that's good. And I'm seriously considering and planning how to expound on my hobbies of writing so I can get my book published and work on the second book. Now that I have slightly more time with classes finishing up, I can devote some hours each week to writing. I have such big goals and dreams, but when I look back on my life, I've already achieved a lot and can continue to do so! I've also been attending meetings with the area 70 president regarding tentatively planning a giant YSA conference in Arizona. I am so grateful for the person I have become because of Jesus Christ. Without Him, I would be lost. I wouldn't have drive and purpose and determination and hope to continue to work towards lofty goals even though life is tough and I have many shortcomings. Because of Him, I am not held back or limited by my weaknesses, and I can continually become a new creature. 

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Aaron lifting Briesa up on his forklift:

Whitney got to sing in General Conference!! It made me so happy to see her.

Our murder mystery crew!

A lovely picture of Jesus I came across this week :)

Gracelyn's First Birthday Party

4 September - 10 September 2023

Tuesday night, I went out for dessert with McKenna for Acai bowls and we had a great time chatting and catching up. She's been gone ALL summer staying busy, and it was good to spend time and hear how she's doing and talk about family and boys and all the fun stuff. Right before that, I had a zoom meeting with the area 70 regarding planning an upcoming state-wide YSA conference. I've been staying busy with seeing clients, and I honestly love them all so much and am so grateful for the opportunity to meet them and be part of their journey. Thursday night, I went to our ward temple night and did an endowment session, and it was really powerful and I felt like God was speaking to me and helping me understand the growth I've had and God's love for me. Friday night, I went to play pickleball with my sister and parents down out the church building because Valerie bought a pickeball net and we set up. I was doing really well! Until I started getting fatigued since I'd just come from work and hadn't eaten anything.

Saturday, I wrote the last essay for this quarter and turned it in. The most exciting part was that this is my last class of my master's program, which means this is the LAST ESSAY I'll have to write for school!! Yipee!!! Graduation is truly around the corner, even though it still feels far away, haha. Only three and a half more months. Saturday evening, Briesa had her sisters over to help decorate for Gracelyn's "Berry First" Birthday party. It was all berry cute. She was soooo tired though, the poor girl. Afterward, Valerie took me with her to her work event at the movie theater. They provided us with free popcorn coupons and we watched My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3, which was pretty funny. 

I've been feeling lots of gratitude towards my family this week, just trying to relish and cherish the time I have to spend with them, make new memories, and strengthen our bond and connection. 

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Emotionally Focused Therapy Externship

8/14/2023 - 9/3/2023

And... I believe this is a record of missing so many weeks in a row in the past year or two. I've been so good and consistent at writing weekly, but alas, I'm not perfect. So here's me taking some time to sum up the highlights from the past three weeks :).

I finally got to go with Kimberly to do baptisms. She is a recent convert and I am quite amazed with how quickly and well she has taken to the gospel. She is like a sponge soaking up so much knowledge and so curious and obedient. It's really so inspiring to see and such a good reminder that this is the true church of God, and even if you aren't born into it, you have a place in it.

We had "Awkward Family Photos" night for family home evening, which had a pretty great turn out. That week, August 15th through the 18th, I had my EFT Externship, so I took off work and canceled with all my clients. It was honestly life changing. It really helped me see how to put the theory of emotionally focused therapy (EFT) into practice, and it helped give me a better framework through which to view my cases and start piecing things together and giving me direction of where to go in a therapy session. It helped me feel WAY less incompetent. These specialized trainings are the way to go, and I honestly fell in love with EFT as a model of therapy, so I signed up for more trainings coming up so I can get officially certified to be an EFT therapist. I'm also going to do trainings to get certified with EMDR, but I'm waiting a bit to sign up for those trainings. Right now, school just feels like a formality, something I just have to get through that is detracting from what I actually want to do. But I graduate in four months, and I am finishing up my last class this quarter and only have internship next quarter. Then I have one last barrier standing in my way: the MFT exam. I'll need to take lots of time to study for that test, and once I pass that, I will actually get to start making money for what I'm doing, and then I can do even more specialized trainings (which are actually quite expensive). So I'm super excited for all that, and in the meanwhile, I'm just trying to live my best life and not get burnt out. I had a couple of difficult client situations over the past few weeks that have been emotionally draining, but also great experiences for me. I really feel myself growing as a therapist and having more sessions that I feel really good about, and there are some days, even weeks, where I feel like I am living the dream. Because I am. I get to do what I've dreamed of doing for so long, and what helps is that I am feeling good at it. Staying humble, but not letting self-doubt drag me down or paralyze me. 

Lucy came down for a week and a half, that awkward gap between summer and fall, so we got to see her a lot. She came with Val and I to a flower arranging Relief Society activity, and I roped everyone into getting a photo together because I cherish the times we get to be together and want to remember them and have photos of us together. Lucy even crashed mom and dad's date night, and I got to crash it along with them! We went out to On The Border, and after we were seated, we saw Aaron and Brie come with Gracelyn, and we got to hold her while waiting for our food to be served (which was actually quite a long wait, but it was okay because we had a cutey pie to entertain us.

We went to Alexandra's wedding reception at the Schultz house, and it was absolutely beautiful and a fun time, even with the mugginess and mosquitos. Baby Gracelyn was so cute! I got to dance with her on the dance floor and she gave me some smiles. And the food was really yummy. It made me want a beautiful reception. I've been to some lately that were just so disappointing, and I know they can be super expensive, so some people want to go the cheaper route, but there really is something magical about having a more traditional wedding reception, with lots of lights in a dim setting, an official dance floor area, delicious food, and all the fun traditions. 

Much love,

Emily Burnham

From Dependent/Independent to Interdependent

 7 August - 13 August 2023

My talk on Sunday went really well! I had some thoughts that tied everything together Sunday morning as I was waking up about my relationship with Christ shifting from completely dependent to an interdependent and equal partner relationship. But then I had to leave for Mesa to pick up some church posters for my calling, and when I got back home, I got ready and worked on putting everything together for my talk and literally just made it on time to church! But everything worked out this week. I got my essay done on Saturday. That took up my whole day and wasn't fun, but it is good to remember that I can buckle down and get things done when necessary, and that it didn't turn into a bad, dreadful day. I was out of the house on Friday for 12 hours, and I wasn't completely burned out when I got home that evening. I was able to go from work to internship to a wedding reception and maintain energy and focus and stay in the present moment. I've had very full days, incredibly busy, but I not only had just enough time to get things done, I also had energy and focus and felt good. Seriously, what a miracle! And I have moved on enough from my old crush to reopen my heart and decided I'm ready to date. I think maybe I've been holding back and not just going for it like I need to in order for things to work out, so I downloaded the mutual app and am really sincere this time with wanting to meet someone and see what a relationship can be like. I know Heavenly Father wouldn't have created us as interdependent beings, allowing for feelings of longing for connection and building a life together, without providing the means for those desires to be fulfilled. I trust Him, and I trust His plan. I'm looking forward to what the coming weeks bring, but I'm excited to have some time off, a break to do some hobbies or traveling. I'm excited to have some room to breathe so that I can plan for some exciting things to happen in my future! Ooh, another thing that made this week super awesome was I got to cut out the stickers I've been working on at work and take pictures and videos of them for marketing, and they turned out super good! Both of my bosses were impressed, and I got $100 bonus, plus lunch one day this week from Thai Chili to Go, plus they bought tons of gluten-free snacks!!! Feeling so blessed and spoiled by my job! And I'm grateful for Kimberly this week. I was invited over to go swimming at her house, and we had a good talk and then went to a reception together the next evening. We both discussed how we've been feeling lonely lately and need to hang out more.

Gracelyn is SO cute. She can only ride her scooter backwards but can pick up her feet when her mom pulls her forward on it. And she cried when grandpa took her off of it which was actually so adorable because she cuddled up to him but then when she got back on the scooter, she was completely calm.

Seeing the painting I did when we went over for dinner at Aaron and Briesa's house made me so happy! They have it displayed up above the kitchen area :)

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Closing Doors

 31 July - 6 August 2023

Monday night, I attended our stake devotional and got to sit by Kimberly. It was really good, and I loved that they used a lot of really helpful analogies explaining pornography that I will need to keep in mind for future clients I meet with. They also testified about the sacred nature of sex and how that topic isn't discussed that way in church. On Tuesday, I worked and went to volleyball that evening. I carpooled with Abbie from my ward, taking her with me. On the drive home, one of my tires started coming apart!! But fortunately I made it home in one piece and was able to get them replaced at Discount Tires the next day. Phew. But after dropping Abbie off at home, we actually sat in my car talking for an hour and it was such a blessing, exactly what I needed. She was such a great listener and I was able to share some things I'd been struggling with and hadn't been able to verbalize about my feelings and crush, and I was actually able to come to some closure just by talking out and exploring my feelings, and it was absolutely incredible and I'm so grateful. I realized that while God had sent me a confirmation of my choice of a partner, that doesn't mean it's a confirmation that it will happen because they also have to choose you as their partner and receive their own confirmation. I realized I'd been holding on to that piece of revelation as a matter of timing and was trying to keep a door open, but really, that was God confirming my choice, but respecting his choice, and since he didn't choose me, that door is closed. And I needed that visual on the door in the back of my brain shutting closed, and it has been exactly the closure I need, filling me with peace and assurance. Like I mentioned before, I got new tires on Wednesday, then met with some clients that evening, and afterward, I was overwhelmed with this sense of sacredness and gratitude for my profession, that I am able to be in the position to do what I do, to dig into people's personal vulnerabilities and emotions and be trusted with them, to reassure and comfort and push and poke and help bring about change. It's such a sacred honor to help confront in a safe environment (that maybe doesn't always feel so safe when I'm poking at the emotions) and help them realize false beliefs. I pushed really hard during the session Wednesday night and the mom straight up got up and left for 5 to 10 minutes because she couldn't handle it, and the kids were all emotional, with the youngest two crying. I got to gently talk with them about their emotions and reframe the sadness and fear into signs of strength and love, and it was absolutely incredible. Such a sacred experience to be entrusted with raw emotions and to be a safe person to help them navigate through. Thursday night, I attended the ward temple trip to do baptisms, and it was the best experience of doing baptisms that I've ever had! I felt way less self-conscious in the baptism underwear and suits, much more covered and secure, and then the guy in the ward who baptized me was strong and made it so I didn't have to help push myself up or anything. I could trust him to dip me down and bring me back up without any help or feelings of self-consciousness. It was the most comfortable I've ever been doing baptisms, and I had an enjoyable time sitting with ward members and chatting. It was awesome! On Friday night, I went to my friend Brittany's birthday party. She is so thoughtful because she made sure to buy gluten-free cookies so I could eat too and not feel left out! And not just one pack, but two different brands/packages of cookies. We played Liar's Die, the dice in the cup game, and I won the whole thing with three dice remaining! What was really cool was there was a girl there who came that wasn't a member and was a bit stand-offish at the beginning, but I was so welcoming and chill (I'd like to think so, anyway) that by the end of the night, we were vibing and getting along pretty great and it had become a really fun environment. On Saturday, I took my MFT practice exam and got a passing score, so now I'll be able to pass the quarter and graduate next quarter! It only took me five and a half hours. And while I'm relieved that it's over with, I still have the real exam I have to pass in my state to get licensed in five or six months, and I feel waayyyyy underprepared for that, so a lot of anxiety hit me in regards to how much I still need to learn and prepare. But I'll face it as it comes. I also got to see Baby Gracelyn quite a few times this week, and she is definitely growing into her own person with her own personality, and I absolutely love when she smiles at me! She doesn't smile much, but I can still coax one out with "Peek a Boo." Saturday night, I went to karaoke night and sang myself raw. I met a few new people, reconnected with some people I'd already met, and just chilled and relaxed and made it fun and didn't feel self-conscious. And I love feeling that way, comfortable in my own skin going wherever by myself or around others.

Gracelyn is a foodie. Look at that face when she hears grandpa eating something! She does not want to be left out.😂 And her favorite pastime is still sticking random things in her mouth.

Much love,

Emily Burnham