Soul Searching

 22 March - 28 March 2021

Honestly, this past week wasn't anything of note. I just did school, homework, work, and watched a show on Hulu called Shadow Hunters. I did hang out with some friends over the weekend and visited a kid's fair on Saturday to see some kids I sometimes babysit for. But overall, I just felt blah this week. Lonely, tired, missing home and family. I decided to throw an April Fool's prank party, which has given me some invigoration and excitement. I'm all caught up on homework and working to get ahead.

Sunday was a very much needed day. I was feeling lost this week, and I realized that I'm missing a sense of purpose and a sense of family that acts as a secure base. I felt out of my groove, but I felt so much peace today that everything would be okay, and that it was okay to be out of my groove and feeling empty. We had our Easter program, so we got to hear a lot of musical numbers and talks, which brought the Spirit. I also filmed an object lesson about baptism and receiving the gift of the Holy Ghost for my YouTube channel, which was intense. Wow, cutting through that glowstick with our kitchen scissors was so hard!

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Movie and Game Nights

 15 March - 21 March 2021

Monday: I drove with Mira to FHE at the Witt's house. We played pickleball! I did quite good! Then we went inside and had treats while playing a game called "blank slate" which was also super fun. The Witts have such a wholesome spirit in their home. 

Tuesday: I had the opportunity to respond to a question on my Plan of Salvation video regarding the existence of the spirit world. I don't know all the good my YouTube channel is doing, but I'm grateful for the opportunities I have to share my testimony about Jesus Christ and God's plan of salvation. Also, I started studying about Jesus Christ in the topical guide because like President Nelson promised, I want to become a changed woman. Studying specific scriptures about Jesus Christ brings the Spirit more powerfully into my studies and throughout my day.

Wednesday: I finished watching the four seasons of The Good Doctor, and again, I am blown away by how much crap is in media these days, and I have way more respect for healthcare workers/doctors.

Thursday: I finished up with tons of school work and felt social, so I invited some people over for a movie night, and six people came over! It was good to talk and chat. We ended up just watching the first episode of Stranger Things because I didn't want to pay money to rent Wonder when I'd thought it was free on Amazon Prime. It turned out to be the birthday of one of the girls who came so after the movie, I played T-Swift's song 22 and we had an impromptu dance party.

Friday: I worked all morning on preparing a review, and then I took part of the afternoon to hang up the paintings Lucy gave me. I had a game night which turned out super fun, even though a lot of the people I invited were unable to make it.

Saturday: Some tough things went down this weekend in my job as a TA, which I won't dwell on, but suffice it to say, God is good at bringing peace and love in our troubling moments. And people to support us. I finished up all my homework by around 12:30pm, which is usually unheard of! To have the rest of the day with nothing needing to be done!! So I binge watched more episodes of Stranger Things and relished the break (but I could not recommend watching Stranger Things because the cussing only becomes more and more frequent and it ruins the show). 

Sunday: I had an amazing Sunday. I felt the Spirit and felt so loved and forgiven. My roommate Claire helped build me up this morning after I told her that I was feeling like the worst TA ever and bad for watching the show Stranger Things all afternoon and it had so much cussing in it. Sacrament meeting was so good. The talks were inspired and enlightening. Then I had the opportunity to teach Sunday School and got everyone to participate and speak up. It went really, really well. Tonight I will go to Come, Follow Me with Whitney and friends and then stay to celebrate a guy in our friend group's birthday.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Mom's Birthday and Pi Day

 8 March - 14 March 2021

What a joy it was to be home, and oh how fast it flew by! I was able to go to ultimate frisbee with the YSA on Tuesday night with my two brothers. I wasn't very good in the game, but I had an enjoyable time tossing around a frisbee with Aaron on the sidelines (because they had too many players so we had to sit out). I got to spend quality time with Lucy, my mom, and talk with Valerie. She swiped up on guys on my mutual and sent a message to two of the guys, inviting them to come to our house for a game night on Friday. That was such a genius idea that I decided to start doing it back in Provo! I got to help my grandpa work on his puzzle, which he spent SO many hours on each day. My dad fixed an oil leak in my car and changed my oil. We also went on a uni ride together. All in all, I loved being home with my family, and I was always excited to jump out of bed so I could see my family. For our mom's birthday, we played pickleball and then went out for lunch. That evening, Symantha came over and we made pizzas.

I still had work and classes, but they didn't seem as stressful or overwhelming down there, and I think it was because I was surrounded by those I loved and who love me. Coming back home made me a bit sad because I missed my family immediately, but it also sparked a deep desire I have to create a family of my own. I want a family so bad, and I look forward with hope and joy for the time when that desire will be filled. I was surprised by how much my roommates had missed me, but it made me feel good to be missed. On Sunday, I made my first home-made pie ever, and it turned out pretty good. The crust was DELICIOUS! And the filling was a bit runny, but also really good, because it was just raspberries and sugar, basically! Also, I attended our "ward family walk" and a lot of people showed, which was fun!

One spiritual insight I had this week was when reading in Doctrine and Covenants 27:2. The verse talked about it doesn't matter what we use for the sacrament as long as our eye is single to the glory of God. Immediately, these words came into my mind: "It doesn't matter where you go to graduate school as long as your eye is single to my glory." It was like a huge weight was lifted off of me. Any choice I made would be great, as long as the intention behind the choice was righteous.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Rose Rosenhan

1 March - 7 March 2021

Monday: Mira and I actually attended Home Evening, since we want to be better about attending ward activities. We played minute to win it games and I had a fun time throwing marsh mellows at one of the guys and he tried catching them in his mouth (even if they had been on the floor from another activity). I have really enjoyed getting to know Mira better. We have a lot more time to talk and hang out now that she has broken up with her boyfriend, and it has honestly been such a huge blessing to me. 

Wednesday: We had our COSTUME CONTEST family history activity at 8pm that evening, where everyone was supposed to come as an ancestor and share something about the ancestor they dressed up as. I dressed up as Rose Ida Rosenhan, and in preparation for this, I had gone to DI to find an old lady jacket and then that day I put my hair in rollers to make it super curly (then, when I wanted to ride my uni, I couldn't because I couldn't be seen with such an atrocious hair style. So I thought I'd cover it with a beanie... but that only looked worse! LOL like a palace guard in England or something!) We had a really good turn out at the event, with our RS pres taking the prize. She ordered a $14 wig on Amazon! Haha she went all out.

Thursday: In the afternoon, I went and donated plasma for the second time, so I should be getting another $100 dollars. Fortunately, this time only took under 2 hours. I attended an online Zoom meeting for psych graduates, and a lot of things they said stood out to me, but particularly this: "You can't make any decisions until you have options." I realized how I am trying to decide what I want to do and which school I want to go to... and I have no offers! So how am I supposed to decide? I realized I need to seek after every opportunity and then I can worry about deciding what I want to do once I actually have some options to choose from. I also decided to wait until after I graduate to look into schools or different options so that I can just focus on finishing my undergraduate degree. 

Friday: Shelly came by to drop off a smoothie and chat for a bit. She is so kind! She said she would worry about me driving to AZ enough for the both of us so that I didn't need to worry at all. Then I went to DI to trade out that ugly yellow jacket that didn't even fit for some exercise clothes (maybe having the wardrobe to work out will motivate me to actually work out?? ;) lol). Then Whitney and I went down to the Harman building to work, and we went on the walking machines, which was really fun. It's 1,000 times better than sitting all day while working. That evening, I worked on finishing up homework. 

Saturday: Welp, I did it! I awoke at 5:10am and started driving at 6am and successfully surprised my mom that afternoon around 4:20pm! I didn't break down or have any car problems, which was a huge blessing. I had lots of friends praying for me as I made the drive. As I turned down our street in AZ, I called my mom and asked her if she got her birthday present from me. She said she hadn't. I told her that it said it had just arrived. She said she would look. She checked out the front door and it wasn't there (obviously), so she started heading over to look at grandpa's front door, right as I pulled up in the driveway. I jumped out of my car and gave her a big hug and said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!" My mom was so surprised and pleased and overjoyed to see me! Then Valerie looked out her window to see what all the commotion was about and saw me. I waved to her shocked face, and she ran outside to give me a hug. Then my dad drove by and was pulling into the house when he saw me and expressed his concern that I made the drive in my car (which I guess is his way of saying "I love you"). Then I snuck in the house and surprised Lucy and Aaron with my presence! Lucy immediately jumped up from the couch, shouting my name, and gave me a big hug.

Sunday: I went to church with my parents and took the opportunity to bear my testimony about how there are a lot of things I don't know, but like Nephi, I know God loves me. I don't know what my future holds, but God has a plan and it's going to be amazing and bring me so much joy. Mom teared up. Then I went to the YSA ward with my siblings. That evening, I spent time painting on a big canvas.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Can you feel the love?

 22 February - 28 February 2021

Monday: I woke up early to get some homework finished up before class. I talked to a representative from a graduate program and discovered I am very uninterested in their program. I also found some healthy meals I can eat. I cut beans and apples and avocadoes and garlic out of my diet out of my diet and hope my tummy will feel better soon! Mira and I attended our ward activity on Zoom. It was a speed-dating type thing where we jumped from break-out room to break-out room and talked. 

Tuesday: So Mira broke up with her boyfriend and downloaded Mutual again, and guess what? Yeah, I did too... hehe. So now I have a date for next week, which I'm actually pretty excited about. I also took a walk in the cold, and decided to go down to the temple. I miss the peace I felt inside of there.

Wednesday: I felt very productive this morning, getting lots of school work done. I'm actually using my desk now that it's in a better position and more accessible. 

Thursday: In the morning, I went with Whitney to Trader Joe's, Burlington Coat Factory, and then DI. I got a new dress (I traded the one I got last time that didn't fit for one with pockets that is also really cute). Whitney bought a lot of things and I helped her find some cute outfits! That afternoon, I took my physical science midterm and got 100%!!

Friday: I attended class and then worked at the Harman building. Then Mira's grandparents took us both out to dinner at Aubergines. I got a meal, but I think I'm a bigger fan of their smoothie bowls and not the actual meals. Mira's grandparents were very sweet, and when they found out that I was single, they wanted to set me up with their grandson. Haha, apparently they texted the boys mom later and told them that I was very interested in their son. LOL... yeah I wasn't, but oh well. What can I say? Old people are cute! And quirky. Then we went home and watched Interstellar. It was so long, and honestly a bit boring. I wasn't a fan. But Mira was crying at some parts of it, so at least one of us liked it!

Saturday: I took a midterm on campus in the morning, then worked on homework for the rest of the afternoon. That evening, I got to babysit for the Nixon family. I hadn't seen them in a while, and they moved a couple of minutes further from their house into this even bigger and more gorgeous house/mansion. I drove Drew to Mapleton for a sleep over, then came back. I drove in one of their cars, which was so huge! I felt like I was in a semi-truck! Cole had just bought a 3D printer, so he was making lots of stuff. I gave them the idea to print the temple where their parents got married, since it was their mom's birthday the next day. I watched part of a movie with Cole and we had a fun time quoting the movie. I braided Kate's hair and helped her make a cake. Apparently, they had a really fun time, because the mom paid me a lot the next day. I really love those kiddos tho. I've also learned how to deal with and love their quirky differences. At one point, Cole told me not to break something or he would kill me. I lightly responded with, "Don't kill me, just send me to jail instead." I think the dad was happy I helped prep for their mom's birthday the next morning.

Sunday: I slept in super late, since I got home rather late (but I got $70 bucks out of it, so WORTH IT!!). I quickly got ready to go to church. We were running a couple of minutes late, so I decided that we should to go Relief Society first (since our ward is split in two, half the ward goes to sacrament, the other to second hour, then we switch). It was good that we did. A friend was teaching the lesson, and Mira and I both took the opportunity to speak up and share an insight. After church, I met with a cute girl in the ward to talk about family history ideas. Then Mira and I cut out a bunch of hearts to decorate an apartment's door in the ward, which was a service challenge we were given on Friday. It was so fun and turned out really cute. It was funny because as we were putting the hearts on the door, a guy who lived there that neither one of us had ever seen before opened the door (I guess he must have heard us) and looked blankly at us and the hearts on his door, then shut and locked his door again. Haha, so that was fun!

I know that whatever God has in store for my future, it's going to be great and I'm going to have many opportunities to love and uplift those around me. I still have no idea where I'm going to go to graduate school, but I have faith that everything will work out in God's timing.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Blessings

 15 February - 21 February 2021

What I want to focus on this week are the blessings that happened each day. On Monday, we didn't have classes. I asked my roommate Mira to braid my hair, which she excitedly agreed to do. I was so grateful. 

Another miracle that happened this week was that I was thinking of texting Julia Nixon because I missed her kiddos and wanted to come over sometime. Well, the same weekend I planned to text her, she messaged me and asked if I'd want to babysit for her one evening and that her boys missed me. That made me feel so loved and happy.

I was able to help a friend out. Tuesday night, I drove in the snow to go to a dental place where they train dental assistants, and let her take my teeth xrays and stuff. It was actually kind of painful, especially when she put the stuff in the wrong place in my mouth and it poked at sensitive parts of my gum. But she was so grateful and I was glad to help out. And I found out I have a cavity, so... yeah, I guess that's good to know.

On Wednesday, I took the time to rearrange my room, and I love it so much more now! It feels more roomy and open. I might actually use my desk space now! Ironically enough, as I was cleaning stuff out of my desk and getting organized, I found a pin that I got on campus from two years ago... and I did not find it amusing, especially after hearing back formally from USU's MFT program that I was not accepted. But the irony still gets me, so I thought I'd share. I was also able to chat with my roommate Mira and see how she was doing because she recently broke up with her boyfriend. We were able to talk about personal things, including religion and spiritual things. And it was nice because it all started off by me asking if she would play with my hair, which always feels great.

"What do you mean I didn't get into grad school? Avada Kadavra!"

I don't know if it it's because of quarantine and everyone decided to "quarantine clean" and get rid of a bunch of stuff, but DI actually has some good clothes and items! I went shopping there again this weekend and found a long sleeve green shirt that I really like. I love the other stuff I got when I went with Mira earlier in the week.

I got to see Becca and Whitney this week. I met with the BYU dietician and am going to start a new diet (the low FODMAP diet) to see if that will help my digestive system. I gave away some of my perishables and foods I couldn't eat to Becca and Whitney.

Friday was tough because I decided to donate plasma since I had covid and could get $100 every time I donate. But I was there for FOUR hours, waiting around to get all checked in and ready. I did it, even though it sucked because by the time I was actually donating, I was hungry from being there so long, and then they messed up on my left arm, so they had to do my right arm. Both got pricked :( and the left arm got a small bruise. But I felt fine afterwards. I'm still not sure if the $100 was worth it tho...

I had a fun time Saturday night. I went on an ice-skating date with Jacob. I got tired after an hour, and then started feeling a bit faint, so I think I still needed to take it easy after yesterday, but everything worked out fine. I was a bit tired and out of it at the end of the date, so when he walked me to my door, I went inside, chucked my stuff on the couch, then turned around and he was waiting there for a hug goodbye, but since I was on the step up, I was taller, so I just said, "Oh yeah, I should probably hug you but I'm just going to have to be taller than you" (something along those lines but that sounded more eloquent) and he said, "It's okay, it doesn't happen very often." I thought that was a clever response. 

Sunday was my favorite day this week. It didn't start out that way. In fact, I was feeling awful for most of the day, then super unmotivated and overwhelmed and depressed. Then my mom reminded me to get a blessing, so that evening, I asked a guy in the ward to give me a blessing. Right when they arrived, my roommate had friends arrive, so we talked in the living room and then played a game while waiting for the other people to leave. We played Skull King (and let's just say I destroyed everyone at that game... with 290 points and second place was -10 points, haha.) Then I was able to get the blessing, and it was exactly what I needed. I felt so comforted and heard and understood. All my insecurities were addressed--about not having friends or being able to make lasting friendships, feeling like I don't fit in. I will make lasting friendships and will fit in and belong. I will make choices that will bring me happiness, and God has blessed me with the capacity to make these choices. I need to choose to have hope. I'm so grateful for those two men in the ward who came over and ministered to me and changed my outlook.

I painted this frame before church

Also, I started watching The Good Doctor on Hulu, and I'm surprised I am actually enjoying it considering that it involves blood and organs and surgeries and stuff, but I can actually just tell that it's fake and can appreciate the complexity of the human body without getting grossed out (for the most part. There may occasionally still be something that makes me cringe on the inside).

Much love,

Emily Burnham

USU Interview

 8 February - 14 February 2020

What a week, with so many mixed emotions. Uncertainty, hope, disappointment, compassion, anger, peace, and love. To start off talking about this eventful week, I will first start with Monday evening, where I had my opening social with USU.

Monday: After a day of class and homework, I hurried off to the Harman building for USU's opening social. It went from 6pm to 8:30pm, and so much time was spent getting to know faculty members, graduate students, and the other applicants. Halfway through, my jaw was already aching from all the smiling I was doing (I wanted to make a good impression) and probably some tension I was feeling contributed to a sore jaw. 

Tuesday: The next morning, I got ready and packed a lunch, then headed off to the Harman building, arriving at 7:40am for the opening part of the interviews. The faculty went over the schedule for the day, and the more I learned about the program and what kind of classes I would be taking, the more excited I became. At 8:30am I had a quick 15 minute interview with the faculty members. At 9:30, I had an interview with a panel of the graduate students. I gave very thoughtful and good answers (even if I did feel like I had a slight case of word-vomit going on). One of the students even commented after I gave one answer, "I can see why the faculty chose to interview you." I was feeling very hopeful. I had a writing prompt sent to me at 11:30 that I had 15 minutes to respond to. Then at 12:45pm, I had a mock therapy session. I thought I did so well! I was able to be myself and lead a discussion. Between all of these interviews/assignments, we were able to join a Zoom link with a couple of USU grad students there to chat, answer questions, and give virtual tours. It was fun to chat, and after getting the tour of the facility, I was sold. It is new and modern, with plenty of windows and beautiful views. I wanted to go there so bad. Overall, I felt very good. I felt like I aced everything and was so pumped. We then had the closing meeting going until 1:30pm, and that's when the first signs of uneasiness crept in. The faculty said we had all done so amazing that they were going to have such a hard time narrowing down their choices to six, and that those who didn't get chosen were qualified and should still pursue a degree from a different school, since they couldn't take everyone but wished they could. Then the director said, "So if we don't choose you, it's because you're not the right person. We are looking for diversity." If they didn't call before Friday at noon, we were told that we didn't get in. Well, I'm your average Joe on the street. Even though I didn't admit it to myself then, deep down I knew I wasn't going to be chosen. 

Wednesday: I stopped by the Harman building because it was Shelly's last day in the office and people brought food for a potluck. I chatted with everyone for a bit, told them about how my interview went, then went off to find a quiet place to do some work. I had so much grading to catch up on. The good thing I learned is that if it is not too intense of grading (such as having to read and grade a paper), then I can have a movie playing in the background, which helps keeps me awake and keeps me motivated to keep grading (because the struggle is REAL when you have 100+ things to grade that are all so similar in content.

Thursday: I was having a hard day because I really wanted USU to call, and I had my phone handy and the ringtone turned up high. But the call never came. Then Whitney came over and we chatted, and then I felt like a terrible friend because I said some things that had been bottled up inside me for a while regarding our friendship, and it hurt her to hear it, and it hurt me to say it. Then I was crying, but it was time for my date that evening. My roommate Claire set me up on a date. We had a fun time planned, but then, the day of, she changed everything, and we left 2 hours and 45 minutes later than planned, and we didn't do the fun activity. I guess that also played into my bad mood that day.

Friday: Yeah, so as you have probably guessed, USU never called me. I expect a rejection letter will be coming in the mail sooner or later. Maybe I'm on the waitlist though, but I don't know how I would feel about that, being their second (or third) choice. But I also kind of hope for that because I have no idea what I am going to do with my future! I am striving to keep my faith in God's plan for me because I have no idea what I am going to do with my future anymore. Friday night, I had a second date with Alan (the bonfire guy). I went to his apartment and we made cookies and played board games. Well, let me just say that I definitely was able to get to know him better and am no longer interested in future dates. I was not comfortable or impressed. I don't know. Guys, maybe something is just wrong with me, or I don't know how to have fun on dates. I don't know. But I really am trying, giving it my all.

Saturday: I made the cutest invitations for a galentine's party. I didn't have any plans on Saturday, and I wanted to include any other girls who might be feeling lonely Valentine's weekend. I invited a bunch of people and five ended up coming. We just watched a movie, had cookies, and then had hearts that I'd cut out to make valentine's with. After my friends left, Becca stayed behind and we were able to talk for a long while. I really enjoyed it. She told me about a children's literacy class that she is taking. I want to take that class! I think it would be so fun to write stories for children. Late that night, I heart-attacked all of my roommate's doors.

Sunday: My family got me a Valentine's card. My dad wrote, "Hope you find a honey to spend the day with," so I made sure to take pictures of me and my honey to send to him (being the obedient daughter that I am). I wore my Valentine's dress to church, but didn't realize that I'd grown and it... hadn't. Haha, so I could barely breathe, but oh well. Too bad, cuz it was such a pretty dress and now I won't be able to wear it. After church, Mira and I went to heart attack the Bishop's house. It was fun! On the drive there, we waved happily at an unsuspecting man who looked thoroughly confused as to if he knew us. That afternoon, when Whitney was in church, I went to her apartment (which she always keeps unlocked) and decorated her wall with hearts and put candy and hearts and chocolates on her bed. She was very surprised and touched. I decided that I want to be a better friend--the kind of friend I wish I had. That evening, I ate watched a movie called Love, Kennedy. I cried at least seven times. I also talked with my lovely parents face to face, and I just loved being able to see both of them and talk with both of them at the same time. It filled my heart with such love and belonging. I am so grateful for my wonderful parents.

Much love,

Emily Burnham