Did Someone Say Actor?

19 August - 25 August

Wow, I've been so crazy busy, so I'm sorry this is being written so late! But I have so much good, happy news to share!

Monday
I had the best start EVER to the week. It all started 3.5 hours after I went to work. We got to go over to a field where Maglebys was catering breakfast to the athletes. I got to sneak over with my supervisors and load up on bacon, sausage, and steak! They also had other yummy-looking things that I couldn't eat. But, I was able to take TWO boxes home full of meat. Plus, there was tons of left-over popcorn from the game that weekend that I could take :) That meat lasted me pretty much all weak, which was great.

Tuesday
Today was a great day!I didn't realize until later that I felt prompted to attend the hour long adult skating session at the rink. I just felt like I should go and check it out, even though there was a lot of other things I could have done and needed to get done. When I showed up, there was only five other adults there getting skates on, two of which were elderly. The elderly man, Rick, soon became my best friend because as he saw me struggling, he came over and gave me the most helpful pointers ever! I felt like I was receiving my own private lessons from him, and my skating improved almost instantly as I learned where to put my weight while skating forward and backwards. It was literally a blessing, a straight-up tender mercy from God. That afternoon, my apartment was invaded by the carpet cleaner guy spraying chemical everywhere, so I packed up my bag and went to the library for a few hours. I am teaching myself how to use Adobe Premier and I'm compiling a video of me improving my cross-overs.

Wednesday
That morning, I went to drop off a textbook that someone bought from me, and just before I arrived, I received a phone call. Guess what? I got the TRC acting job! I accepted and was so happy! I couldn't actually believe it. Right after, I went to Peaks Ice Arena. I was so excited to go ice skating again today to practice everything Rick had taught me from the day before. My glides and balance are improving remarkably. I really love this as my new hobby. Sometimes it can be frustrating without a coach to help teach me when I feel like I'm doing something wrong and not progressing, but as I improve and become more comfortable on the ice, I feel so elated and free and powerful.

Thursday
One of my biggest annoyances at work is when people open the glass doors with their sweaty arms and leave giant sweat-marks. Gross! I had an appointment in the afternoon with my career advisor. It was a very helpful meeting as I planned out the rest of the things I need to do before graduation. He had so many insightful suggestions. Instead of taking the fast-track and graduating this next April, I am going to take it slow and easy, which will be a lot less stressful and enable me to gain more research experience and have more time to study for the GRE. I took care of other menial tasks I've been meaning to do, as well.

Friday
That morning, I had go down to the MTC to get all the paperwork done so I could officially get hired. Then I went to do cleaning checks for the apartment Valerie was supervising for Connan. That evening, I went to our ward escape room. There were actually three different ones, plus a game room. They were very well done! Of course, I hacked the lock in the first room when my team wasn't looking, but then decided we should actually find the last number and not cheat, so I waited until we found the last clue. And actually, I was the one to find the last clue! Thanks to my height :) It was hiding on top of the metal frame of the front door, and I could just barely spot it when I peered around the room from on top of a chair.

Saturday
My new roommate Katie moved in this morning. I didn't have a chance to talk to her very much until that evening because I went to the temple. When I got home, she was gone. I spent a few hours that afternoon over at the library until I became SO hungry that my stomach started clenching in pain! Yikes... so I got home as quick as I could and made myself some oatmeal. I had about an hour that evening to talk with Katie and get to know her a bit better.

Sunday
The second hour of church was combined today. It was our last Sunday as a combined ward, since we have 70+ new men moving into the newly renovated apartment complex. How exciting! It was funny though because the move-in date is tomorrow, but there were workers out there bright and early today, and still there after we got home from church, frantically working to finish everything up! That afternoon, Emily Allen called me to see if I wanted to go visit Sister Osborn with her, since she had apparently gotten surgery! We went and visited for over an hour, which was nice, even though the parts discussing the surgery made me feel a little sick... I decided to host a popcorn party that evening, so after making a big dinner, I made up even more popcorn! I was really happy with the turnout, and everyone had a great time! The popcorn was the best I've made yet :). Then I went to bed soon after since I had work bright and early the next morning! I woke up a few hours after going to bed because I really had to use the restroom, and that's how I met my new roommate, Kayla! She had gotten in late that night and was unpacking, I guess. I'm sure I made a great impression, you know, since I was half-asleep and wearing a robe. Haha :)

To be honest, I don't feel like I've had the best scripture studies, or even prayers, this week. I've felt the distance that has created between me and God, but I made a goal to work hard to focus more and make things more meaningful. A comment that really stood out to me on Sunday was to approach Heavenly Father with reverence. I decided I needed to feel reverent before I prayed to my Father so I wouldn't take it for granted. Even throughout this week of imperfection, God has blessed me greatly. I am so grateful for how patient He is with me! He loves me even after knowing all of my weaknesses and shortcomings. He doesn't condemn me for them, but He encourages and loves me through them.

Much love,
Emily Burnham

Finals and Friendships

12 August - 18 August

Hey! What a week! Life is such a roller-coaster; it is a fact of life! This week had its ups and downs, but as I reflect over my week, I can't helped but feel so blessed, overall. I didn't really take any pictures this week, so I took two blurry screen-shots from the videos I took of me ice skating!

Monday
Last day of classes finally arrived! Hooray! But also yikes. On the bright side, I didn't have to go in for work at 5am because I wasn't hired back at my custodial job (after being fired so I could work ACT camp). I went in around 7:30am to pick up the paperwork to fill out in order to get re-hired. I had my last class for the summer! We presented our research project, which was really cool. Ours was one of the few experiments that actually found an effect! For Family Home Evening, our wards combined out on the church lawn, eating pizza. I went for a bit but didn't stay long because I couldn't have the pizza.

Tuesday
I had work this morning. Blah. But at least I got a raise so I'm now making $12 an hour! Valerie was actually up before me, finishing packing up. I gave her a big hug goodbye, and she left on her way back to AZ for graduate school. Farewell, my sista sista! Also, I had my interview this afternoon to be a TRC actor. I think it went well, but we'll see what they tell me in two weeks... Right after, I rushed to campus for the test review. I haven't been motivated to study for my final tomorrow, so I figured attending the TA's review would help. Then I left a bit early to head over to the MFT Q&A session at the Taylor building. I studied for a bit that evening.

Wednesday
I left from work a bit early to give myself some more time to finish studying. I felt ready. I was also just dreading it. But I finally went and took my final. I was unsure about some, but I just needed a B. Well, miraculously I ended with a 95%. So yeah, that was a blessing! Afterwards, I went ice skating with Lexy. She was kind of afraid to skate, since she fell and hurt herself last time, but I think she enjoys going. That evening, I helped her roommate, Amy, to move her stuff to a new apartment!

Thursday
During work this morning, I found a card in the trash that had some free lunches at the Cannon Center still on it. It belonged to another Volleyball player. I asked the secretary if I could use it, and she said, "Sure! I would, if I were you!" So I got a free lunch at the Cannon Center! Unfortunately, they didn't have many options for me, so besides some fruit and gluten-free desserts, the only thing I could eat was a hamburger patty. Plain. Well, I did put some ketchup on it. That evening, I had a date from a guy I met on Mutual. We went slacklining, which was super hard, but I was slowly getting the hand of it. It's similar to walking on a tightrope (not that I've ever done that), but the line is flat and slack (so it bounces and wobbles a ton when you walk on it).

Friday
After work, I ate a bit of breakfast. When I went down to the Cannon Center for lunch, I was told that my card had expired. Noooo! So sad, but also it's fine because it wasn't actually mine to begin with and I already received one free meal. But then I didn't know what to eat, so I went home and researched recipes to print off to make my very own cook book, once and for all. Hopefully I can get into a better habit of cooking for myself! I went ice skating that afternoon and truly feel that I am slowly improving! I had Whitney and her roommate, Megan-Jean, over for dinner. I made Tex Mex Chicken and Zucchini. It was alright (not as good as I was hoping) but I don't know if I cooked the chicken long enough... oopsies.

Saturday
I slept in, but then woke up and got ready to attend the temple. While I was sitting in the endowment room, I thought to myself, "How is me being here helping me to become a better person? What do I need to learn?" I am trying to develop that attitude about everything I do, because I know that more importantly than doing is becoming. I'm not sure if I got anything new and revelatory out of it, but I'm grateful that I am at least becoming more conscious. I took it super easy the rest of the day because I didn't feel like doing anything. I'm so burnt out from attending school for 7 months straight, not giving myself a real summer break. With Fall semester starting in two weeks, I hope that if I do nothing and am super lazy, then I will get sick of doing nothing and will be motivated to go hard this Fall semester!

Sunday
I awoke around 5am feeling awful. I went to the kitchen to get water and take some medicine, and I almost blacked out! I sat on the kitchen chair for approximately 15 minutes, waiting to see if the medicine had helped, then went back to bed. I got ready for church and really enjoyed sacrament meeting today. I felt God speaking to me and guiding me during the talks, and I even felt like the hymns were picked out just for me. I'm grateful to renew my covenants and have a fresh start every week. I really needed that today. Then I taught Sunday School. I didn't feel that it was my best ever, but I still received some compliments and know the Spirit is the real teacher anyway, as long as I try my best. Plus, you got to cut yourself a bit of slack whenever you aren't feeling very good. I was invited to attend someone else's Come, Follow Me study group in the afternoon, and it was different that what I was used to, mostly because I felt a bit uncomfortable from not knowing everyone super well.

One scripture that really stuck out to me this week is found in Romans 13:8-10.

“Owe no man any thing, but to love one another: for he that loveth another hath fulfilled the law.

“For this, Thou shalt not commit adultery, Thou shalt not kill, Thou shalt not steal, Thou shalt not bear false witness, Thou shalt not covet; and if there be any other commandment, it is briefly comprehended in this saying, namely, Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself.

"Love worketh no ill to his neighbour: therefore love is the fulfilling of the law.”

I took this to meant that if I had perfect love, I would not break any other commandment. I would have no desire to steal, kill, or lie if I perfectly loved others. I would take better care of my body if I perfectly loved myself. Thus, if there is a commandment we are breaking, we need to figure out how it relates to the principle of love and work on that aspect of love. If we pray for charity and love in the specific aspect in which we are failing, God will help us overcome that weakness by growing our ability to love. 

Much love,

Emily Burnham

ACT Camp - Epic Bike Crash

5 August - 11 August

Hola mi familia! I haven't really been practicing my Spanish in a while, but I really need to! It's on my bucket list to learn.

Monday
I didn't sleep all that well, so I was quite tired today, even though I technically got to sleep in (I don't have to work early-morning custodial this week)! I got my girls up, then took them all to breakfast at the Cannon Center. So, I kind of threw healthy eating out the window this week and ate all the muffins and sugary-cereal they had all week long! (I still made sure everything was gluten-free, of course). I had basketball class right after, then my research class. I had a few hours that afternoon to work on things before reporting back that evening at 5pm to pick my girls up from their class at the JKB. I texted them where I would be waiting, and the girls slowly found it and came. Except for one girl, because they accidentally left her while she was using the bathroom and then she got lost. I decided to take my bike and ride around the building looking for her. I didn't find her, so I was thinking how I should just call her. I was holding my phone in my right hand while biking fast, and I went to hit the breaks but just on my left side since my phone was in the way, and my front wheel locked, sending me flying head-over-handlebars onto the pavement. In front of 50 EFY witnesses. Luckily, my bike landed in front of me, not on me, and I was able to continue on the rest of the night with no broken bones. Just some road rash and bruises on my check, hip, thigh, and knee. After eating dinner (we had J-Dawgs catered), the kids colored table mats as a service project, and I just took it easy since I was still in pain from my fall. Afterwards, each group combined with another group and we played field games outside. One of the ACT camp boys was totally hitting on all of the counselors! (Me included, haha).

Tuesday
In the morning, I gathered my girls together (like a hen gathers her chickens) and took them all to breakfast. I'm definitely being spoiled since I don't have to cook for myself! I had basketball class, and then the rest of the day was free! I worked a bit on homework, but didn't feel like doing much. My hip is in a lot of pain, and basketball doesn't really help with that, but oh well. I'm pretty good at just hanging in there through pain. That evening, we had dinner at Heritage Central, which is not as good as the Cannon Center. We had an art activity in the ballroom where we "painted" flower pots using chocolate pudding. We only had two minutes, though! Afterwards, I went with a group down to the creamery and watched as everyone got ice cream and other treats. At 9pm, I had a really good devotional with my girls. I shared the insight about how we can respond to thoughts in two ways: with shame or with truth. The Spirit was very palpable, and the girls really seemed to enjoy it.

Wednesday
All ACT groups met up after breakfast for a giant picture, and I left a bit early so I could run down to my basketball class. Then I had my Psych class. Oh my, I am SO ready for classes to be over! So so so ready. Just two more to go after today! I also received an email back about my application to be a TRC actor, and they want me to come in for a second interview! I hope all goes well because I would love to have a job interacting with human beings (as opposed to trash cans and toilets), AND it would be with missionaries! After dinner that evening at Heritage (yuck), we all went to the Conference Center Ballroom for the dance. It was over 2 hours long! It was fun though because I got to roast boys for not asking girls to dance and guilted at least 5 of them into asking a girl to dance for the slow song. I also had an hour long conversation with one of my girls, Brietta, about books. She didn't want to participate in the dance, so I just sat with her and talked about my favorite stories and authors. It was such a fun conversation, even if admitting so makes me a nerd ;).

Thursday
I haven't gotten sick of eating at the Cannon Center for breakfast yet... but it does make me slightly sick (only because I have zero self-control, apparently). My girls really love me and I feel blessed to have such an amazing group! For camp that evening, everyone listened to a speaker talk about the effects that exercise has on the brain. Then we split into groups to do different activities. I walked back with the girls to the dorms to supervise them there as they relaxed/studied for their big test the next day.

Friday
Today was the big day for the girls! Some of them were taking and actual ACT exam that could be counted when they applied to attend BYU. They were all so nervous, but I kept them in my prayers. I went to all my classes, then went home and did laundry and cleaning. I also went ice skating by myself for an hour, and I had the rink almost to myself! It was amazing and so much fun! Then I had to report back for camp. We picked our exhausted girls up from their test and went to the Ballroom, where Olive Garden catered a pasta bar for dinner. Then we ate ice cream and watched the movie Hidden Figures, which I had never seen before. My girls wanted to stay up and party all night since it was their last night at camp. I had also written them all heartfelt notes that they all really appreciated. It was a really great and fulfilling week with all of them, albeit very exhausting!

Saturday
I had to herd girls to breakfast and check them out of their dorms, making sure they cleaned and did everything right. The last girl's mom didn't come until a bit after 10am to get her, so I just had to sit and wait with her. But finally everything was over! I went home and got ready to go to the temple. Afterwards, Valerie and I went to the water park and rented a tube to be able to go on all the rides. It was super fun, but I kid you not... the bottom of my feet burned! I literally had a blister on each foot from how hot the pavement was! That evening, I pulled off Val's surprise going-away party without a hitch. She never suspected a thing! She thought we were going over to Lexy's apartment for dessert, but really her friends were hiding and waiting to surprise her. I'd even snuck her karaoke machine out from the back of her car to use! There was so much delicious food, and many people stopped by. Valerie was so happy and touched.

Sunday
I was so exhausted when I woke up. I felt like I could sleep all day! This was a very taxing week, but I wouldn't trade it for anything! It was super rewarding working with people, and I felt so loved and appreciated by my girls. I'm ready for a change. With my sister leaving, I hope to be able to fill the void with more interaction with others. I really hope to get the job at the MTC because that will be more fulfilling than taking out trash and vacuuming! I want to be more proactive about inviting others over for dinner and going on fun adventures. I'm ready for a fresh start in my life, but I'm sad I won't be living with one of my best friends anymore. I took TWO naps today. I know. I was just so worn out. I went to Reconnect at the Osborn's home. Also, I was fasting today since I couldn't last week, so I broke my fast later in the day. I also attended ward prayer, and we played a fun catch phrase/charades game.

One insight I had today in Relief Society involved feasting. I know, food always seems to be brought up a ton when you are fasting! Part of the purpose of a feast is to celebrate and build relationships with others. It is a time to show gratitude and love. When you read your scriptures, do you feast on them? Do you read because you feel obligated to, or because you love the Savior? Are you full of gratitude? Is your relationship with God deepening? Are you learning new things about Jesus Christ daily? This really helped me to paint a picture in my mind of what "feasting on the words of Christ" truly mean, and I definitely want to do better and be better.

Much love,
Emily Burnham

Windy Garden Photoshoot

29 August -  4 August 2019

Howdy fam and friends!! I had a wonderful week! I got to spend some quality with my sister this weekend, which is good because she is LEAVING ME this next week :(.

Monday

I've been finding the coolest things at work in the trash... someone is cleaning out their office! One of the only perks of working custodial! Finding cool things, cuz one man's trash is another's treasure! For FHE, I went to the Osborn's home for dinner, while the rest of my group went to another member of the Bishopbric's house. I had to go to a different group because I forgot to tell the other family about my food allergies, but the Osborns had something for me to eat. It was fun talking to them about my new bucket list. I added two new things to it after speaking with them: to go skiing and to skate on an outdoor ice rink!

Tuesday

After basketball, I went to the target all the way over to Orem to buy the innertube I was searching for... but they didn't have it, even though online said they had it. Ugh. Then I was soooo hungry because I only ate a granola bar and nothing else all day. And it was 1:30pm! So I drove to Cafe Rio since it was super nearby, but they didn't have anything I could eat! Lame. I'm never go back there again. Then I drove to the target in Provo, and they had the tube I needed! I got some waffle fries at Chick-fil-A to tide me over, and then I went to the library to return my books. Today was definitely one of those days where God is testing your patience. That evening, my apartment had Ris and another apartment over for dinner, so we missed institute. But I enjoy getting to know people better in more intimate settings.

Wednesday

After class, I went to get my Sam's Club card! My mom is the best. They have so many cute and expensive things that I now really want to buy. Can I get some early Christmas money?? ;) I also had to get fired from all of my jobs (apparently I had 3 recorded online, even though I'm only working custodial right now) so I can work ACT camp this next week. It was so funny to receive an email with this heading: "You're fired :)" It was a relief that everything was finally taken care of. That evening, we had a relief society JAM PARTY! We partied it up with Val's boom whackers, and everyone had a great time. Valerie made so many cinnamon roles and became super exhausted so I gave her a short back rub.

Thursday 

Thursday
I decided to go shopping at Sprouts and bought some food. I was tempted to buy some unnecessary items, like candy and a special pizza! That evening, I had to attend a meeting for ACT camp that was sooo long that Val and I couldn't go to the Studio C live showing! How sad!

Friday

I felt so sick at work. I finished my job ASAP and went home just before 8am to get some medicine. I didn't want to go to my Psych class. I was curled up in bed, talking to my mom on the phone, and she gave me an epic pep talk to motivate me to go. The miracle of the day was that I felt better just for class, then later when I got home, I didn't feel well anymore. But I didn't want to cancel my plans with my friend Lexy to go ice skating, so I just went anyway. We had a really fun time. We have a lot in common and had a fun time chatting. She was growing more and more confident on the ice, even feeling up to trying some tricks. But then she fell... She seemed alright, and soon after we went home. She practiced on the piano for her niece's baptism tomorrow, and I sang along to help her practice. It was really relaxing. That evening, I thought of maybe doing something fun. Instead, I worked on my essay that is due on Monday. 

Saturday

I went with Valerie early this morning to the 8am session at the Provo City Center temple. It was packed! There was at least 5 or 6 live endowments happening! It was packed, but good. I am grateful for the things that I am learning about temple. There is so much we can read and study about outside of the temple. Often people don't because they don't know exactly what they are and are not allowed to talk about. Afterwards, we did so much cleaning and organizing! Valerie gave me some more side dresser things, so now my room has a bit of a new look to it! That evening, we went out together for dinner, and then drove down to this garden that has a bunch of statues. We were going to do a photoshoot too. We didn't realize until we got there... it was $20 per person to get in! Yeah, so no. We just took pictures out front and walked around. We just had the best time, cracking each other up, making up random raps, taking goofy pictures! It was super windy. I sure do love my sista sista!

Sunday

Wowza. What a day! We always have super spiritual fast and testimony meetings. Today I felt like I should go up and bear my testimony--not for anyone else, but just for me and God. So I could be strengthened by the reminder that I know for myself that He lives and loves me personally. It was short and simple, but very sweet. I also found out at church that Lexy's wrist ended up being sprained from her fall while ice skating! Yikes!! That afternoon, I finished getting everything ready for ACT camp and had a bit of time to practice the violin. Then, Val and I headed off for camp! We will be staying in the Heritage dorms all week long leading a group of girls each evening and morning. Plus, free breakfast and dinner! We got to eat at the Cannon center for dinner, then we headed over to get ready to check in all 150 kids! We ate some ice cream (yes, they even had some dairy-free for me) and got our group back to the dorms. My room was hot. The bed was harder than I'm used to. And I'm not used to sleeping with a roommate. Plus the people next to us were noisy. Let's just say all of that combined meant that I didn't sleep very much or very well...

I recently read in my journal an experience I had on my mission in my last area. I was struggling a bit having to face going home soon, and we showed up at a mutual activity and one of the YW leaders singled me out and started talking to me. Suddenly, it was like she was peering into my soul and she said such inspired words of counsel to me! She told me that sometimes we will have thoughts enter our head from Satan. We can respond to those thoughts in two ways: with a shameful response or with a truthful response. Shame leads us to comparisons. Either we aren't good enough, or we are better than the other person. The truthful response is that we are always good enough and loved unconditionally. Think of this example: you text a boy and he never responds. You might want to think to yourself, "I shouldn't have been so hasty" or "I'm too good for him anyway. Either of these responses ends with you either thinking too little or too much of yourself. The true response would be, "I am good enough and I'm loved unconditionally." And leave it at that. No overanalyzing or feeling shameful, just feelings of love and acceptance by your Savior and Heavenly Father.

Much love,

Emily Burnham

Test of Patience

Hola everyone! Unfortunately, I actually haven't been studying or practicing my Spanish lately. But I created a bucket list and have a lot of goals that I want to work on in the coming weeks!

Monday
During class, I checked my score on my paper and was horrified to see my group received a 76%! We'd put in lots of work and effort into it (well, at least I did... can't speak for my whole group), and so I talked with my teacher after class in his office, and he ended up giving three points back, so I ended with a 90%. That helped a lot. I continued to study for my exam tomorrow, and I was not feeling all to confident about it. That evening, I decided to forgo more studying in order to attend Home Evening. We met up at an apartment to watch a movie, and Allie offered to braid my hair for me, which was a huge service to me. However, I didn't realize until after that it was also a huge service to her because it had been relaxing for her and she missed braiding hair.

Tuesday
So the exam was awful. It felt so long and I had to skip around because I didn't feel all that confident in the answers as I wished I could be. It took me double the amount of time as the first exam. I went home and didn't even want to check my score. I just laid on the couch feeling physically ill and tired. That test really took a lot out of me! But I did my best and it showed because when I finally did check my score, I scored a 96%! I'd had a date planned for that evening, so I didn't go to institute, but then the guy ended up having to cancel because the front runner was way behind schedule and he didn't get back in time. It was okay with me because then I could take it easy that evening!

Wednesday
Today kind of sucked. I say that because I didn't have any plans all day. The library and the ice rink were both closed in celebration for Pioneer Day. I guess it was good that I didn't have classes though! I did go out on a run this morning and did some exercises that left me sore for the rest of the week! I tried to do my homework, but nothing was working out online and it was very frustrating! But another guy did ask me out that evening, so I had a good ending to my day. We ate at Zupas and then went to the park to throw around a frisbee. And I wasn't as bad as I thought I was!

Thursday
After basketball class, I got ready for my job interview. I tried out to be a TRC actor at the MTC, but unfortunately, I don't think I did very well. I am just not good at lying or acting. Oh well, guess I'll just keep doing early morning custodial for the next two years! (Insert lots of crying here). Afterwards, I went shopping at Sprouts and Walmart, then came home to unload. Shopping is so tiring!

Friday
I brought my bike to work for my boss Ben to fix, but we realized I needed to buy a new innertube! It wasn't just a flat tire, but the valve came off half-way! I sat through class, stayed after to get help with an assignment, which I then went to the library to complete. Then I remembered that I needed to still take my basketball final, so I went and got that out of the way, scoring higher on it than last term! I also went ice-skating, and the guy who sold me the saints is such a good Samaritan! My left blade had come loose, so he drove 15 minutes down to the rink to straighten it out for my and make sure my skates were in good position. Plus he gave me a free lacing-hook so I can tighten my skates easier! But I think I tightened them too well and didn't have enough flex because I took a pretty hard fall and hit the back of my head, so I gave up for the rest of the evening and went home to ice my head. Don't worry, I didn't have a concussion!

Saturday
I woke about less than 20 minutes before it was time to go clean the church. I kinda forgot it was our turn to do that... oops. I got ready quick as lightning and literally ran down to the church. I was assigned to clean bathrooms with Valerie, and I ran home again to get some rags (because otherwise you gotta clean toilets with paper towels, which doesn't really cut it) and ran back to the church. Then I got ready to go to the temple, but the parking spots were full and so many cars where circling around to find spots. I drove down to the library and returned the books I had and picked out some new ones, and then walked to the temple for the next session. It was a full session and took a while, but it was much needed. I'd been feeling so angry and lonely and sad, and as I prayed and poured out my heart to God in the chapel, I found peace and answers. I had an idea enter my mind of actions I can take to resolve the problems I was having. Afterwards, I ate a late lunch and went ice skating. It was much better than yesterday (I didn't fall), and I changed and ran (again, literally) over to the water park next door to meet up with Valerie. We did some different slides, and I got wip-lash from one of the swinging bars you can jump off with. We went home and got changed, ate a quick dinner, then went to Brooker's ice-cream place. Val wanted to go again before she leaves back to AZ in two weeks. The blind-date to the ball never happened. I never heard from anyone about it... until an hour before the thing started. So yeah, that was a bit disappointing, but I got to spend some quality time with Valerie that evening instead.

Sunday
Before church this morning, I tried to record a video because I'm wanting to start a new YouTube channel, but I do not have good lighting or equipment... So I don't know how all of that is going to work out. Church was really good because the talks reminded me that there are so many good things to do, and never enough time to do them. I really need to prioritize my goals and make sure I am doing what is most important. We had the Bishopbric's wives teach Relief Society, which was really good... but my stomach kept making the loudest, longest growling noises ever! Yikes! And I promise I did eat breakfast! For lunch, we had the apartment of girls across from us come over. It was quite crowded but a fun time!

Here is something I was pondering this week: God's timing is good, though it is not our timing. As humans, we want to have things instantly. God holds out sometimes because He knows the process of waiting can humble us and make us even more grateful for the answer or blessing when it comes. Then we cherish it even more. However, God often doesn't tell us what His timetable is, and I know there is a specific reason. If He told us exactly how long we'd have to wait for some blessings we really want (marriage, kids, a good house or job), we'd quit before it ever happened. If you knew you had to wait until 37 to get married, wouldn't you not bother dating as much and not enjoy the process? You'd forget to live in the moment and do things that will prepare you so you're ready for marriage when it does happen. Or if you were told to move to find a new job, but after moving, you wouldn't get that new job until a year later, and your family is just struggling to get by in the meantime. You'd probably not move right away, and you'd miss out realizing out strong you really could be, all the people God needed you to meet, and the experiences He needed you to gain. He truly shines a light directly in front of us, asking us to just take one more step. This way we continue on, baby steps at a time, not feeling overwhelmed because we constantly have hope of a reprieve being right around the corner.

Much love,
Emily Burnham

The Masked Burglar

Overall, I had a fantastic week! The Lord is blessing me everyday and increasing my understanding little by little. I listened to an audiobook this week entitled, "Silent Souls Weeping," and it really opened my eyes to some of the things people with depression struggle with. I just want to be there for people, and maybe that's a direction I want to pursue when I become a therapist.

Monday
I awoke super early to catch my flight back to Provo. My lovely mom dropped my off, and my awesome sister picked me up! I missed basketball class, but I was able to make it to my research class. Even though I felt rather plane-sick. I felt so exhausted for the rest of the day, so I did fit a nap into my day! For Home Evening that evening, our ward met in the chapel and we had a guest speaker talk to us about Mental Health.

Tuesday
Well, I forgot my keys when going to work, so when I arrived home after class, I found myself locked out of my apartment! Valerie and Miranda were at work! I decided I could bike down to the public library and get a card with them, something that has been on my to-do list for weeks! That was an adventure. Then Valerie sent me a video that taught be how to pop out a screen and break in through the window. So I did. Yup, now I have super awesome ninja skills. That was a relief! I've been working on reading my textbook and studying for my exam coming up. That evening, I went to institute with Valerie.

Wednesday
Work, class, studying. I've been feeling more productive lately. I also went ice skating on my own and I am slowly (very, very slowly) improving on my basic tricks (and just my balance in general). It's a super fun hobby for me!

Thursday
I studied in the library after basketball class for an hour, then went to the BYU bookstore and found a good deal on shorts (50% off, plus I had a $10 gift card), and then went back to study for a bit before leaving to go shopping at Sprouts and Walmart. I bought lots of yummy fruit :). I also ordered some covers for the blades on my ice-skates!

Friday
After getting home from work and class, I decided I didn't want to study today, so I read my library book before attending the TA review. My brain can only learn so much, so when I got home, I read some more. I decided to go to the ward temple trip, even though I had been planning on just going to the temple tomorrow morning. It was good. I got to do initiatories with Valerie and a bunch of other sisters in our ward. While waiting for my turn, I sat pondering the scriptures and had some good insights about what to do for my lesson I'm teaching on Sunday!

Saturday
I attempted to go to the temple to do an endowment session in the morning, but with the Provo temple being closed, the Provo City Center temple was so crowded, I drove around for 10 minutes trying to find parking and couldn't. Finally I gave up and stopped by the library on my way home to drop off a book. At least I was able to go yesterday with the ward! In the afternoon, I went ice-skating by myself (which can sometimes be awkward when there are couples there on a date, and you happen to vaguely know one of them, and they ask if you're also on a date, but no, so you have to mention you came by yourself). I really enjoy, though! That evening I went to the stake activity with my roommates at the Provo Rec Center, where we swam in the tide pool (since the water slides were out of service). The funniest part of my whole week: while we were swimming, this super socially awkward guy in the stake swims over and asks us all our names. Everyone else is kind of ignoring him, and since I'm close by, he asks me what my major is. I tell him I'm a Psych major, and he says, "Oh, you're one of those psychos!" I had no idea had to respond. I was thinking to myself, "Is this guy for real? He has major issues..." and so I responded, "Actually, I have an anti-social disorder." And then I discretely swam away from him with Val behind. My group of friends laughed hysterically at my response.

Sunday
I taught Sunday School today, and even though each time I feel a little nervous, I trust that God has led me with what to teach. The Spirit was strong during the lesson, and the way I taught was to ask questions about each topic I felt inspired to bring up, sparking a class conversation. I also shared some stories that applied, and one girl came to talk with me after class and said that what I'd mentioned was exactly how she had felt and she really appreciated it. I'm so glad to know I can help my peers out with my calling. It is such an honor and I love teaching. After church, we had a Come, Follow Me study group that went really well. Whitney invited me over to hang with her and her guy friends, so I went for a bit and ended up leaving with a blind date to a ball this upcoming Saturday... so that was interesting! That evening, we were invited over for dinner at the other Relief Society President's apartment. The food was really good, and I enjoyed getting to know the girls in that apartment better. Plus, I mentioned how I had a blind date to a ball this Saturday and one girl gave me some masks for me and my friends to wear if we wanted! Afterwards, we went home and finished all the preparations for serving dinner for Doug, Heidi, Andrew, and Zeb. They arrived a little late, but they really enjoyed the food! We ate again with them (double dinners are the best!) and then played games with them afterwards. We had such an enjoyable time that I was later than usual getting to bed.




One thing I've thought a lot about this week is the stigma behind admitting you have depression or some other mental illness. What I find so interesting is that 1 in 5 adults will have depression. These mental and emotional sicknesses that we get literally mess with the chemicals in our bodies, creating imbalances that influence the way we feel and think. An individual can feel so negative and hopeless and full of despair. They may be attending the temple, reading their scriptures, praying, yet feeling nothing. That is not because they are abandoned, but  because their ability to feel has been blocked off, like clouds covering the bright sun. The sun is still there, but your body sends clouds to hinder its light, warmth, and influence. These people, misunderstanding this, may assume God has abandoned them because they are unworthy and unrighteous. Not doing enough. This only adds to their despair.
For all of you out there who feel like you will never be happy again, or like you are not enough, hang in there. Keep pressing forward. There is light on the other side of those clouds, and they will eventually disperse. Meanwhile, turn to loved ones and seek out the professional help you need.

Love y'all mucho mucho mucho!
Emily Burnham

P.S. Disclaimer: "The Masked Burglar" was a title created just to draw attention. I did not actually run into any burglars wearing a mask, though I was given a bunch of masks and had to break into my own apartment like a burglar this week :)

Weekend in AZ

Howdy, my few faithful readers! I had an absolutely amazing weekend because I was able to spend time at home with my family in Arizona.

Monday
I finally went back to work and was tired. It will take a while to get back in the flow of my schedule after being sick threw it off so much. I went to basketball class, and then my Psych 310 class. This weekend we will be launching our survey for our research project. I've spent so many hours already working on it! After class, I went and took a test. Surprisingly, it took me less than an hour, and I did very well! That evening, I went to a Family Home Evening that my mission president was holding. He was in Lehi, UT visiting one of his children. It was a hassle getting there because I forgot that I was super low on gas, and then a road was closed, so I got stuck in some traffic for a frustratingly long time. But I made it there in good timing and in one piece! It was so weird to see my mission president and his wife outside of the mission, wearing normal street clothes without their tags. And to see all the previous missionaries similarly attired, some with a spouse or fiancé. And my mission president greeted me with a hug and a "Hi, Emily!" Definitely strange at first! But I got to take a few minutes to catch up with him. They bought a house in Gilbert, AZ!! Close by where my family lives! It was a wonderful evening, albeit a little strange/nostalgic.

Tuesday
I am still so tired after work and basketball. I definitely took a nap after class :). I went to an interview for a leadership position in a club, "Dealing with Divorce," (which I did not get). I really enjoy going to institute in the evenings and learning more about the gospel. Even though I am often thinking to myself, "Ugh, I don't want to go" because I'm lazy and don't want to walk to the church building, I'm always glad I go.

Wednesday
I went to work, then basketball. My teacher was grateful for the effort I am making to speak up and talk on the court, since everyone else is quiet and keeps to themselves. My goal is to learn everyone's name and cheer them up to help the class feel more bonded and connected. I lucked out last term with an amazing class, and this term the group of us is not as tight-knit, unfortunately. Since Valerie was gone, I carried over the treats she had made on Sunday to the Relief Society spa night that evening! I'd invited some girls to go with me, and they showed up! It was so good talking with them, and I felt like a good ministering sister and disciple of Christ. Ironically, we just had treats and watched a movie—no one actually painted their nails!

Thursday
I noticed after my basketball class, with complete shock and horror, that our hot water heater broke. But I was already in the middle of showering, so all I could do was brave the ice-cold like a soldier! I met Valerie for lunch at PF Chang's because I haven't seen her all week! With her working the ATC camps overnight and then going straight to her day job, she is literally gone 24/7. It was great talking with her, though the food wasn't very impressive, especially for the price I paid. After lunch, I walked around the mall and noticed that Macey's was closing down, so everything was marked down in there. I got four items of nice clothing at a super discounted price! Then I went to Sprouts and got some fruit and found gluten/dairy/egg-free frozen waffles! Discounted ;). Yummy. I also forced myself not to work on my research project, because my teacher is giving us all of class tomorrow, and there wasn't much left to do anyways!

Friday
Today was a good day. After class, I had wanted to go ice-skating, but the rink was closed! Fortunately, I was able to use that time to go and do an endowment session at the Provo City Center Temple. The parking garage was so full and crowded. I was worried the session would be packed, so I was praying I would get in. It actually wasn't that full, so I easily got in. And I also got to sit next to a friend from the ward, Emily Allen! During my time in the temple today, I felt so overwhelmed with my weaknesses and sins. I felt unworthy to be at the temple, even though I knew that was something Satan would tell me to discourage me from going. As I thought about the story of Adam and Eve, I remembered how merciful God was to them after their transgression, and how after everything, they were glad to have fallen because their eyes were open and they had children. They grew as a result of their sin. I realize that even though sinning is bad, as we choose to repent and learn from it, we grow in perspective and knowledge. It can be for our good, but only because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ. My friend Kathrine drove me to the Provo airport that evening to fly home to Arizona. Stepping off the airplane that evening felt like stepping into a sauna (though much less wet, since AZ is very dry)! The flight was uneventful, and my parents came to pick me up in their new electric car! It's always so weird at first to see my family after not seeing them for such a long time. They always change in little ways, but overall are very familiar and comforting. When I got home, I was surprised (yet again) how tall my brother Sean has become. Granted, I'd only seen him for just over a month after getting home from my mission before I headed up to college, and then six months passed again. Sweet little Lucy offered up her big bed for me to sleep on!

Saturday
I had today planned for weeks now, and it went just how I'd hoped. I was able to leave that morning with mom to go to a shoe store and get new running shoes. Then we went to the Shoe Carnival and my mom bought me some new sandals. We went out for lunch at Zupas, and then drove to DI, where I found some shorts that fit perfectly, along with a few summery shirts. Lucy and I painted in the afternoon, and I chose a scene with fire-flies. That evening, we went to Garcias with Grandpa Jim, where I ate some yummy stake tacos! I loved how easily my little sister and I got along, and I enjoyed getting to talk with my mom about things in person.

Sunday
I went with my mother and father to my mission president's homecoming in Mesa. Fortunately, it was only a 15 minute drive from our house! When I showed up, I saw two full rows of returned missionaries sitting on chairs. I saw my previous mission companion, Sister Jarvis, again! I was amazed by just how many individuals came to support President Smith and Sister Smith. I loved hearing the Southern references and jokes in both of their talks. Yes, you really do get called, "Baby," "Honey," and "Sugar" by complete strangers! And after shopping at Walmart, I was always told, "Have a blessed day!" I do miss beautiful roads (often dirt) with canopies of trees. They both also testified how God knows us individually and orchestrates wondrous miracles for us to know that—putting missionaries in the right place at the right time, things that are too coincidental to be coincidences. Truly, Heavenly Father has never forsaken us.
We made it back home and went to our home ward, where I was privileged to hear my mom speak! Now, is that a coincidence? My mom getting asked to speak the one weekend I happened to be flying home this year? I was glad to be there to listen and be strengthened by her testimony of this gospel. I also enjoyed surprising the Hughes family with my presense. Little Ben and Hudson ran and gave me the BIGGEST hugs ever when they saw me! It was so cute! I sure love that family so much :)
After church and a nap, we ate a delicious home-cooked meal of roast and potatoes! My mom even made dessert for me and the family. We also went over to Grandma and Grandpa Burnham's home to visit all the cousins and family that I haven't seen in six months. It's so weird to face the facts that I'm an adult now. I do my own cooking and cleaning, and I see my family just a few times a year! But I was so spoiled and pampered getting to be home this weekend, with my mom cooking for me and taking good care of me. She is a super star. My sister also painted a mini-canvas of me ice-skating in Utah as a gift to take back with me. And she let me dress her up and take pictures of her! I did her hair and make-up for church, and she looked so cute!

Much love,
Emily Burnham

    P.S. I am still partial to Arizona sunsets!